Not Anonymous

The Yanks are having a Gay Ole' Time!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.
The Interwebs are very US centric, so I know that the 11th of October is National Coming Out Day and that during Obama's address at the Equality March he promised to revoke Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
He didn't specify when, but meh.

I also read a post that resonated in me so much, my eyes stung up as I read it, you should read it too.

Coming out never ends.
You have to do it over and over and over again.

When I came out to my mother I was 15 and she said "Why don't you try the Hetero way, first" and "Don't tell your father".
I didn't tell my dad until I was 20 and he said "Are you in a relationship with a woman?", I wasn't at the time, "Then why are you telling me this now?".

I don't mean to vilify my parents, but this is such an ordinary reaction it's hardly worth mentioning. Because it doesn't matter that I'm Bi and am thus "gay" whoever I'm with, it only matters when the genitalia of the person I'm fucking is the same as mine.
Then, "I'm making my life more difficult".
As I am responsible for the homophobic reactions I'm forced to endure and yeah, those small insignificant questions are "homophobic" and yeah, I will call you on them.
Hiding behind conservatism, or old-fashioned views, or that a double standard is okay because it's social.

I don't mention my siblings, because they're awesome; despite the fact that one of them thought I said I was queer because I was looking for attention (*grrr*), despite the fact that one of them tried to excuse the police assaulting us at Jerusalem Pride, despite the fact that one of them challenged the oppression of queer identity by comparing it a different one.

I don't mean to vilify them either.

My family, I love them dearly and they love me.

But the assumption, assertion and aggressively enforced enables people, no matter who they are, to doubt my identity and this, of course, holds true for the Queer community as well.
This requires that I assert, "advertise" and repeat "I'm gay/queer/bi/the-label-that-fits-best-at-this-time-and-place".

When I was in the IDF, I was out during my training and more than anything, to the group of about 20 young women that lived together for nearly four months, I was a curiosity at first, but because none of us was fucking while we were on base sex was spoken about as something we miss and not something we do.
At my permanent unit I was not out, except to the Lunch Club, which could have been dubbed the "Bunch of Queers having a two-hour Lunch Club".
It was nice.
But none of us were out in our units.
No doubt, everybody knew.
No confession was made. no questions were asked. That was fine, but until actually spoken about, it is assumed that you are straight.
Even if you are the Dykiest Dyke, The Faggiest Fag and the Omniest Bi.

And it sucks. It forces you to be, for large portions of your life,dishonest by default and purposefully.
"It's provocative having two women together at a wedding".
"Do not introduce her as your girlfriend".
So we didn't slow dance, and you'd have to be pretty slow not to figure it (that we're together) out.

To be "out" is to be provocative.
It's a luxury I felt acutely this year, the freedom of it in certain arenas, it's utter deprivation in others.
That my life.

That's all our lives.

I think I may be able to write coherently about what happened.

First of all, thanks you everyone who commented on my previous post, sent me an sms, an email, a phone call, all that.

I was safe and snug at home away from Tel-Aviv.

I didn't go to the impromptu Pride March that took place in the vicinity, nor will I be able to go to any vigil today (possibly tomorrow). I am going to go to the big demo that's going to happen in Rabin Square on Tuesday.

The number of injured rose to 15, at least 7 of them went into surgery during the night. Almost all the injured are minors (i.e. under the age of 18).
The death toll remains two, though over the night there were reports that a third had died but that turned out to be a mistake.
The murder victims are a 16 year old woman/girl and a 26 year old boy/man.

The girl (and all the other minors) went to this little underground floor which for nearly 20 years has acted as the headquarters of the LGBT Rights Association, colloquially known as The Aguda. The place has acted as a place of gathering for various queer groups, including this youth support group. There was no security guard, because this place for more than a decade, has been considered a "safe space" smack in the middle of Midtown Tel Aviv.
Talk about Queer central.

That dead man/boy acted as a councillor to these kids, many of them (if not most) closeted. This was where they came to be themselves, to vent, to get support, to be with others who are like them.
Like us.

During the months leading up to Pride (Fuck, just a month ago!) and during June Pride month, I wrote a bit about various homophobic incidences that happened over the country and one of them was a "random" would-be gay bashing in Tel Aviv, simply because two guys were kissing in the street.

There can really be no doubt that this was anything other than a homophobia motivated attack. Anyone trying to think of alternative scenarios is fooling themselves, or trying to. That little corner in the middle of the alley streets of central Tel Aviv was a known venue. Even if the little piece of shit didn't know it was going to be Teens and Young Adults there last night, the shooter knew damn well that there were going to be queer people there.

The recent entry written at the Israel Left blogging website begins like this:

Something happened in Tel-Aviv tonight, a milestone in the delicate relationship between minority and majority, left and right, and whatever other classifications you may wish to use here.

Honestly, I do not think so.
This is perhaps that most violent incident in scale, and it is overwhelming when an incident like this happens in the supposed cosmopolitan metropolis of "the only Democracy in the Middle East", however, we do not know how many queers do not report incidences of violence against them all year 'round. The statistics of this are very, very iffy. Queer people exist in every single intersecting demography. A large portion of them are closeted.
Just like these kids.

I think it is incredibly naive to believe that this is a milestone in anything. This is a flare of a disease, an acute symptom of a social disfigurement. The violence in which it was committed is alarming and may indicate that the pressure in the melting pot is reaching critical, but homophobia has been and is alive and kicking and only the incredibly clueless would thing otherwise, yes, even in liberal Tel Aviv.

Just last week [Southern!Girl] and I went to a Butch/Femme event, she was the Butch and I was the Femme and it was such a clear dyke event, that just walking in the street we both felt exposed but at the event itself in the Rogatka bar it felt so incredibly safe and good and fucking fun.
I did mention that if we were a little bit more on the South end of Tel Aviv I don't know how safe I would have felt walking down the street in my fancy dress and her in a fancy suit.

That centre is just a few kilometres South-West of where were.

I'm feeling kind of queasy.

The police's response to this was to close down the other LGBT clubs and meeting spaces because the gunman is still at large.
Seriously?
That's your immediate answer? To try and police our movements even more, especially when Queers are fucking everywhere in Tel Aviv and the majority are really not going to be "hanging out" at the community gathering centres unless there is an event.
And that's the point.
We go to the same cafe's as straight people, the same movie theatres, the same bloody streets okay!
This attack was deliberate and for our safety you're telling us you're closing down our other (what we believed) were safe spaces.

Last night I was in shock. Today I'm fucking pissed.
You can follow my Twitter which I used last night to disseminate information.

A Butch
It's starts like a joke you'd tell in a Dyke bar, except it happened in my dad's Pharmacy.
( So this Butch walks into a shop... )

A Clueless Teen
OMG.
Seriously.
OMG.
What has become of Israel sex-ed program.
Dude.

The other day a kid, no older that 16 or 17 walked into the pharmacy and asked to by the Morning After Pill (which is sold over the counter, no need for a script and it's known as Postinor) and I in my mind I was going; Buy some condoms. ( Eventually... he did )

J-Lem Pride
It was, in fact, quite uneventful, thanks to the heat (probably).
On the way to the park in which we assembled I saw some Religious Nuts with signs that said things like: "Abomination" and "Go Straight, for Family's Sake", but they weren't allowed to come into the park.
And that was pretty much it.
( No, not really )
We've still got a long way to go.

nurint met up with us after, which was great fun, as she actually lives in J-Lem and took us to a great restaurant and showed us around the City Centre.
She then carted us to our respective places, which was so great of her.
Thank you my friend!

All in all.
Pretty good week, despite not spending enough time with [Southern!Girl].
But that we can rectify.

Notes
(1)This lecturer has often spoken about Butch identity and the fact that she's never felt as anything other than a Butch Lesbian Woman... so I felt confident is saying that to that asshole guy.

Wow, I haven't updated in almost a week!

Well, here are a few fun things to know. On Sunday and Monday (in which [Southern!Girl] was around and much fun was had) was the annual LGBT Studies/Queer Theory conference An Other Sex.
It was great fun, like all conferences, some panels and lectures were better than others, but nothing tops seeing all the various types of dyks, fags, fag-hags, butch, femme, genderqueers, transmen, transbois, tranwomen, transgrrls, bykes, omnis and everything under the sun and rocks.

That and I got to actually be a part of the proceedings by being a simultaneous translator, along with a fellow dyke, for the Keynote Speaker (Prof. Lee Edelman) who wanted to hear the panel conducted in memory of Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick (z"l) who passed away this past April from breast cancer.

I think next year I'll feel confidant enough to maybe read a paper of my own.
Here's to hoping.

Funnily enough, one of the speakers was Prof. Nancy Pollikoff who spoke about Marriage and basically why we should be rid of it. Now, I had planned to write my own spiel about why I think Marriage should be abolished, but thanks to _yggdrasil, I don't need to, because she linked to shemale's brilliant post on the matter:

I've said this elsewhere, but never really made a post about it:

I don't support marriage.

For anyone.

Or, to be more clear, i think that it shouldn't be an institution with any legal merit. To give even more slack here, i don't think that it should hold exclusive privileges over any other kind of relationship... Although its discriminatory history and present make me inclined to think that it should be considered, legally speaking, completely irrelevant.

The exclusive bundling of certain rights and protections leaves those who can't get married, or don't have that type of relationship or family structure that they would feel comfortable with that kind of ceremony but who do need some or all of those rights and protections, in really shitty situations. And it always will.

Go read the rest.

Something else that comes to mind and that I'd been meaning to link and write about is rm's post about how women are really constructed in our culture(s) - because despite the various geographical and historical differences in Patriarchy this principle holds true everywhere.
Women are not themselves, they are for others.
I'd quote the whole thing but it's better to go with the link and read the comments as well:

The first time I worked clinic defense was the month after I turned eighteen. Now, most people stood in a particular phalanx by the clinic door, especially during the worst of the protests. The phalanx was designed to make sure protesters couldn't crawl through our legs, that there would still be a barrier if they stuck us with pins, which, yes, they did. Then, there were the people stationed inside the clinic, if it had interior doors. Sometimes women would pose as patients and lock themselves to the interior doors, blocking them. Finally, there were the people who escorted the women in and out of the clinic.

I did all three of those jobs at various times, but mostly I either guarded the inside doors of the clinics or escorted patients.

Mostly, the women didn't talk. But sometimes they did, either about nothing in particular or dark humour. It was strange, responding to them, and always being so careful not to reveal any particular sentiment to them.

"I hate this," one woman said. I couldn't but nod, because "this" could have been anything.

She kept talking. "Always being escorted, like I can't go to the doctor by myself."

"I'm sorry, sometimes the protesters pose as patients; it's for everyone's safety."

"But I feel like a child."

And it's true.
I know for myself that I'm asked often in an exasperated tone, "What happened to you?", to me.
Why am I no longer the happy go lucky angel I used to be.
Why am I obsessed with the fact that my hair is a cause of uproar in the family - if it's long it's beautiful, if it's short it should be grown, when it's shaved I'm being deliberately provocative and upsetting my parents and going against all the values I should uphold.

And while I don't use my hair or any part of my body to be deliberately provocative, it happens anyway, because my body being feminine is public and my heart and mind are queer*.
And so long as these facts remain true (most likely for the rest of my life) I will do my best to very deliberatly fuck with the status quo.

It makes me happy.

Happy International Pride Month My Pretties!

*Thank you rm for that turn of phrase.

Matzah and Humous... best. Combo. Ever.

Every year I forget how much fun it is to eat gooey things on the crunchiness of Matzah. Luckily, it's only for a week.

Tuesday night [Southern!Girl] arrived to spend the "Holy" days with me (and my entire family); thinking about it now, I'm not sure how she didn't explode/implode of the stress - well, she was tense, but we very happily worked on that...

The actual day of the Seder - Erev Pesach (Passover Eve, I guess) - Mummy sent [Southern!Girl] and I to buy some last minute things before all the stores closed early for the holiday and wouldn't actually open again until Friday. It was really fun just going for a walk, talking and spending quality time with her, as usual.

My sister and her family (the Jerusalem contingent) came down for the majority of the week and it was seriously fun to hang out with everyone despite the pre-Seder craziness.
( Cut for Length )

Tradition is a funny thing in my family, we're very irreligious on the whole, and I think it is beginning to slip away from us as I've never heard any of the kids mention "God" except in the mythological sense, so I think the older members of my family (i.e. everyone but me and my nevvies) have a great stake at keeping tradition as close to their own childhood memories.

For myself, I wouldn't mind to see some acknowledgement that things aren't the same and that they are dynamic and changing and that we really don't need to keep the Hagadah and whole Seder patriarchal parochial dated traditional.

[Southern!Girl] stayed until Friday morning and it was Good.

We will meet up again over the week.
So far, it's been a very good one.

A question for discussion if you please, what do you think of tradition?

Today my Big Brother is getting married!!!!!


*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

I'm currently showered and getting dressed in a pretty, pretty dress.

[Southern!Girl] is also getting ready.

We are going to the venue at six pm.

Excitement!!!!!

At some point there will be pics.

Mother fucking perfect.

At least three rockets hit Northern Israel from Lebanon this morning.
Hizbollah aren't taking responsibility at this time and it would seem that one (or more) of the little Palestinian groups are firing.

Israel, so far, has responded with artillery shelling.

I'm feeling a little bit nauseous.

Not just because I don't know if I could deal with another "front", but also because [Southern!Girl] is heading to Haifa this weekend!
Dude!
Can she not catch a bloody break.

Rockets reach Beer Sheba, cause damage.

Beer Sheba, largest Southern City.
Large Arab population.
University town.

Current residence of my girlfriend [Southern!Girl].

Bloody fucking brilliant.

I hate, hate, hate, bloody well fucking hate this!

She's okay and apparently the rockets landed quite away from her. But other people are hurt and in shock in the neighbourhood that they hit.

Oh god, why the hell did we have to do things this way?

I think I'm confusing my parents.

We all went to see the new Bond film (OMG it rocked! A new Bond for the Post-Modern Age, it doesn't get better than that!) and I was going Gah! over Daniel Craig.
I kept getting the feeling they couldn't understand my celebrity crush when I'm currently dating [Southern!Girl].
Amazing what meaning one gives in different circumstances, eh?

There is a serious lack in Bi visibility over all, and I've gotten myself into helping putting together a zine about bisexuality.
We shall see what becomes of that.
Here, Queer, Ra-Ra-Ra!

Here's a Rainbow and it is black.