Not Anonymous

I would like to turn back to the tie scene. The whole court room scene in fact, as it’s a good opportunity to discuss something that bothers as a general rule and I don’t think it’s discussed openly enough in fandom.

About a year ago, I very pretentiously and arrogantly posted a post about “being queer in fandom”, you can read it here (on DW or LJ, as is convenient), and I got a lot of insight from the feedback (and reading what anons thought of me on that meme), which aided me over the past year of teasing out what really bothers me as a queer fan in what is evidently a rather straight fandom.

What I write here, as should be evident, is my own opinion and comes from my own feelings. And while I’m talking about my specific fandom, this is something that I’ve seen happen all over slash fandom, so let me hear what y'all have to say.

It should be readily clear to everyone who watches H50 that Danny and Steve as a romantic couple will never happen in canon. It won’t. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t want it to either.

I’m saying this now, because the season has given us many beautiful moments (on the boat, with the bomb, the straightening of this tie, and many other smaller ones) which have been fantastically fun to explore and have given us great insight into the nature of Danny and Steve’s friendship and relationship.

These are not, as they say, gay moments. They’re not. Because trust me, if they were, we’d know about it. Because subtext is not, I repeat, not representation. And the fact that I ship them doesn’t mean my friend ships them. Them not shipping Danny/Steve isn’t anymore more right than shipping Catherine/Steve, the main difference being, and wait for it, it’s a big one, Catherine/Stave is actual, fucking, canon. And regardless of how you interpret their relationship (romantic, convenience, fuckbuddy) their sexual relationship is canon.

When I hear people in fandom accuse others of homophobia for not shipping Danny/Steve all I can do is laugh bitterly. Talk to me when someone shouts “Dyke” at the street at you, or tells you all you need is a good fuck by a man (i.e. threatens you with rape), or your parents demand you “behave yourself” at a wedding because god forbid I slow dance with my girlfriend. Unless someone has said that slash is gross because it’s gay, it’s not homophobia, so get the fuck over yourselves.

Danny and Steve are not “gay for each other” (may that trope die in the fiery pit from whence it came) and the insistence of certain places in fandom that they are, is fucking offensive. Let me tell you why. It smacks of appropriation. Just like saying that not shipping a certain ship is homophobia, the insistence of that ship is a fetishisiation of a fantasy of same sex male relationships.

I hate the marriage jokes and the “dads” comment. When I hear them and see them, all I feel like is a punch to the gut. As though any kind of close same sex friendship is something to mocked, especially if it’s between two men.

As mentioned, those are jokes, my best friend and I have been mistaken for a lesbian couple, we’ve been told that we act like we’re married.

We’re not together and we never were. She’s happily married to her partner and I’m happily single being very lazy about finding love.

In the show, the idea of Danny and Steve being “married” and a couple is laughable and a joke, thus it is presented as such. It is constantly averted in order to maintain them being canonically straight. What is explored in the show and what makes it special is the nature of male/male friendship and the expression of those feelings in a way that is uninhibited.

Slash is an interpretation. Slash isn’t representation.

When I see factions of fandom insist on the “canon “of Danny and Steve as a gay couple all I see is a bunch of entitled fangirls appropriating gay identity and culture.

If you really want LGBT content, stop trying to make your own personal OTP into a peepshow and go look for shit on your own. No, really, here you go.

If your *squee* feels harshed I’d like you to take a step back and consider that some of us are invested in actual LGBT content because for the love of god, we need it. I need it. I’m not looking for gay content on Hawaii Five-0, but I would like my identity as a gay and bisexual woman to be fucking respected and to not have it appropriated for the benefit of someone else’s *squee*.

I love this show and I love fandom and I want us all to do better.

H50 is not the only fandom to do this. This is a pan-fandom issue that needs to be discussed openly and internally, because I honestly don’t care about the way we’re perceived by others, it’s not about them, it’s about us.

While I don’t think the show queerbaits as such, the fandom can behaves like it does. Moreover, it behaves like queerbaiting is a good thing, when all it is, is the creators having their progressive cake and eating it. I’m glad Lenkov et al aren’t falling into that trap, because no matter how much we insist, H50 transformative fandom on Tumblr and AO3 and LJ/DW is tiny. And while we may be loud, we are not the target audience and he certainly doesn’t cater to us (no matter how much he likes the vids and the fanart, and it's awesome that he does).

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Originally posted on Tumblr.

I have a co-worker, whom I hate. I would say the feeling is mutual, but I suspect she’s too thick to notice.

She’s one of those people who think they’re funny, that they have insight on matters of life, the universe, and other people’s business.

We’re a small group working together, and we work long hours. Obviously, casual talk will commence, especially when many of us have a lot in common - geekery and gayness being some of them.

I’m out as gay at work, on my team there are two other gay guys, and we’re a majority women team (including my boss, who is a woman), so my workplace has been very comfy for me, woman wise and queer wise.

This co-worker has been making my workplace hostile.

Earlier this week one of the parents’ at the office brought their baby to work. He was a big hit among everyone.

Obviously when there’s a baby in the office we start talking about babies, and the having them, or not.

I mentioned that it was fun to play with them, but it was so much more convenient to give them back at the end.

This co-worker said, “well, you’ve said you didn’t want a family so maybe it is better for you.”

Family

I was hurt deeper than I expected. Yes, I’m an out dyke. Yes, I mentioned that I don’t intend to have biological children, or adopt any. That doesn’t mean I don’t want a family.

That I don’t have a family.

I was erased by her words, her mind cannot entertain the idea of a family that isn’t a heterosexual one made out of parents and their children.

This happened days ago and I’m still thinking about it. She isn’t worth my time of day, I know this. I shouldn’t even think about what she said.

And yet, in her eyes, I’m not a real person.

That cuts deeper than anything else.

Trigger Warning: Homophobia, biphobia and general rage contained therein.

My anger had been building since Saturday to be perfectly honest, when I read a fic which decided to chuck caution to the wind, make up shit about gay culture and gay sex and made me realise how alienated I feel from my fandom in general. But that, really, is beside the point.

I've been pissed off the whole day. I honest to god felt as though my identity was being attacked.

Two columns I read this morning made me feel gutted and ripped.

I'm bisexual. I'm gay. I'm lesbian. I'm queer. I'm all the letters except the T in LGBT. These are things I have been for as long as I could articulate. I use each identity in different circumstances. This is a common thing, I suspect, presenting different things in different situations.

But this morning reading an account of a lesbian explaining herself to straight people in a Vagendamag column called Lesbian, a Lifestyle in which the writers gives a grocery list of the various "types" of queers for the comfort and benefit of straight readers, something which jarred me.

I'm not easily jarred.

The casual way in which she talks about the stereotypes, as though they are taxonomy of exotic animals and birds to be found in the scene, from flamboyant femmes to greedy bisexuals, all to tack make sure we're ticked off the list.

Oh, it's tongue in cheek and in vogue with talking about the commodification of identities, after all, we're not a community, we're merely consumers.

And still, in a feminist mag and column about gay women I expect to be spoken to, not spoken about and yeah, it was jarring.

I'm not an exhibit at the zoo to be spoken about to the curious spectators.

The second article that honest to god made me feel like shit for a better part of the day was this column from the HuffPo UK, titled: Bisexuality: Is It Fun, Non Committal or Just Plain Greedy?.
As you can probably imagine, it was like a bingo card of biphobic shit.

Greedy, check. Indecisive, check. Trendy, check. Half gay, check. Half straight check.

When I was 15 I was confused about a lot of things. One of the things I was quite sure of was that I was attracted to boys and to girl and to to people in drag.

When I was 20 and I'd gone through five years of telling the various members of my family, at different times and for various reasons, that I'm bisexual, I thought I was done. I thought, that's it, who else do I have to tell?

Everyone.

All the time.

I do not like assumptions made about me. I do not like it when my identity, when the word I do not like as a rule, but is the only one I have, is used against me. To be called lazy for not picking a "side"? To be called greedy because of the stupid stereotype that those attracted to more than one sex and gender are somehow incapable of fidelity?

There is no "side", I am not straight! I was never straight! There is no place for me in straight culture and society, not since I was 15, so anyone who wants to talk to me about "picking a side" regarding who I chose to have a relationship with can fuck off.

Two articles that made me feel like shit, written by members of a community I generally consider myself a part of. The former wrote to appease the curiosity and needs of straight readers and the latter decided to write a polemic in which he accused bisexual men and women of being lesser human being on the sexual level.

My god, this is what assimilation brings us, total invalidation and invisibility from those who now have the privilege to be "normal".

It's not easy, because there is a constant demand that I apologise for not being exactly what I'm expected to be.

I sick of being apologetic about existing in the manner that I do.

I'm not an exhibit at the fucking zoo.

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Went to see "Skyfall" last night.

( ALL THE Spoilers )

I enjoyed it, but I have many many misgivings. I'll go see it again, because I'm addicted to the franchise and love the character too much.

I missed Jeffry Wright as Felix Lieter though. No CIA in this movie, alas.

I'm sure a lot of you heard of this American fellow, Timothy Kurek, the guy who pretended to be gay for a year and then wrote a book about it.

In the article linked above it is stated that he was a devout Christian who grew up "hating homosexuality" and that when a friend of his told him how badly her family treated her when she came out as a lesbian he got the bright idea of "pretending to be gay" and essentially living as a gay man for a year.

Basically, to see what it was "actually like".

I find myself angry at this man.

I've been sitting on this story since yesterday and I'm angry, so fucking pissed, that the underlying assumption of the various articles that I've read about this guy in the mainstream media is that is guy is brave. That the fact that he had to deal with being called the other-fucking-f-word is this big huge hurdle that he had to overcome in order to view gay people as human.

Well, cry me a river.

I mean, this guy had a choice. He made the choice and the consequences he had to live with were temporary.

I'm supposed to be amazed that this guy discovered other Christians in the gay community in the South of the United States? Is this a joke? Gay Christians, gay Southerners, men and women who are not straight have been shunned for decades and have made their home there for decades, by creating a community this guy infiltrated because he couldn't conceive that these men and women were actually human just by the virtue of their existence.

No, he had to "walk among them", because in the end, for this guy, it was an anthropological experiment, one he's now cashing in on by publishing a book (all earnings go to an LGBT charity, of course, of course) about his experience as a straight man in living a gay life.

How exotic.

How special.

How appropriative.

We've been telling our stories for decades, for centuries, not all these stories are mine because I'm a woman (and not American), not all these stories are theirs because they are men (and American), but it is certainly not his story!

Pretender was never a better title.

Title: Tendencies
Author: eumelia
Pairings/Characters: Steve/Danny, a few OC’s
Summary: Just because Danny wants to kick back and relax, doesn't mean Steve is going to make it easy.
Rating: PG
Content: Less typos :}
Warnings: N/A
Word Count: 2,418
Disclaimer: All Hawaii Five-0 characters herein are the property of CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters engaging in sexual activity are 16 years or older.
Author's Notes: Written for kitmerlot1213, as part of the h50_exchange. Originally posted here.
Dear kitmerlot1213, I was not able to do everything that was in your prompt, but I hope this is fluffy and love sick enough for you, this was not an easy write, but I hope it’s a fun read. To my spectacular beta, perspi, this wouldn’t have been half of good without you, thank you times a million! To my lovely proof reader, tailoredshirt, thank you for wrangling all the commas, all the funny accidents and for making sure this was presentable to the public. To my beloved cheerleader, you know who you are (you're verasteine). *snuggles*. To the adorable mods, thank you, so much, for your patience!

--

( Danny loves this place )

I very nearly wrote a little post on my way home, on Officer Kalakaua, but refrained. I'm getting better at reading on commute, but writing is something else entirely.

Would not like to vomit on my little tablet.

I'm finding myself less and less tolerant of the casual humour that is dropped at the office. We are a very casual team, very little formality and thankfully we all get along quite well.

As I've mentioned, the team leader and manager, i.e. my boss is a woman, of the seven team members, four are women, three are men (two of whom are gay) - due to this dynamic, there are a lot of funny anecdotes concerning gay life - we very much throw around the "That's so gay" at each other (my gay co-workers and I, that is) - but that's the mild things.

But sometimes, I remember that the straight people are there, witnessing this. My co-workers are unconcerned, it seems, but I'm also, how shall we say, more "sensitive".

[The Heterosexist] sees fit to insert herself into all the gay funnies that are hurled around the office, inevitably, they are full shit and made of fail.

I mean, sure, our co-worker talks about approaching a guy who pinged his gaydar in a store for help to shop for clothes and what a funny encounter that was, that is totally an invitation by a straight woman to talk about a guy she knew was gay and overcompensated by flirting with women and was probably "of those who didn't know how to handle it."

I hate her.

I know, this is by no means a hostile environment, on the contrary, but I keep getting the feeling she considers the our co-workers as existing for her entertainment and I am irked by her.

It doesn't help that one of the things my co-workers and I do is make fun of stereotypes (speaking af a lesbian stereotype) and yes, everyone laughs and then I remember we're laughing for utterly different reasons.

Not to mention, that there are subjects I will not tolerate joking about either in mixed (as in, not exclusively queer) company, or at all, and those are jokes about AIDS, jokes that are homophobic and/or sexist, and rape jokes.

So, I'm the fuddy-duddy, except when I make the driest observation, the funniest sex joke and the best turn of phrase.

My workplace problems, let me show them to you.

As I said, I really love my team, but [the Heterosexist] annoys me to a degree I didn't think was possible. I feel justified seeing as she's racist on top of it all.

Regardless, tomorrow I have to dress nicely, the Big Giant Head is visiting from the United States. I have to decide which plunging neckline to wear and which earrings will make a statement! What? I'm working on a Fashion Week project.

I wrote a post yesterday just before I headed out to the parade, but Officer Kalakaua ate it alas. I'm still getting used to this whole typing with my thumbs and not touching things by accident.

I also switched on the spell check, which happens to be the autocorrect, so my initial attempts at swearing were a bust. Truly, Officer, I really did mean to say "fuck" and not "fork".

Funny stuff. I may install a chat app just so Imcan screengrab things and send them to Damn You Autocorrect!

Any way, it was a successful march. I'd never taken any formal part in Pride, but the march in Jerusalem is of way more significance due to it's nature as a human rights march, as opposed to the pandering street party that the one in Tel-Aviv is. It's also far more significant due to it being a memorial of the shooting of the gay youth club three years ago, so you know, it's important.

I was very concerned about the police and the border patrol (the border police has more presence in spaces like these as opposed to the actual border), but my own paranoia was just that.

I stood with the security at the entrance to the assembly area and put bracelets on people to prove that they had been checked out by security, so that was annoying - also, the amount of Holocaust jokes were abound.

After standing around for two hours, I and the rest the ushers became the headers, basically making sure there were no people behind us except the police.

I forewent the post-march concerts and speeches, and along with a few other people went to celebrate [sexy!roommate]'s birthday on the grass a bit away from the the assembly.

Long, but rather good day, all in all.

I now have a t-shirt I can't wear ever again, due to it being an usher shirt, not because it was ruined. I also got burnt on the back of my neck.

Just call me Red Neck Mel.

( Character definition, golden threads, gender and Danny Williams )

Keep your eyes peeled for the next Meta on Commute, which will be for episode 1.02 “’Ohana”.

Title: Rainbows Have Nothing to Hide
Author: eumelia/eumelia
Pairing/Characters: Danny, Grace.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Pertains to a few lines from 2.18 (“Lekio”). Set after the episode and during Steve’s absence.
Word Count: 2,385
Warnings: N/A
Disclaimer: This is a work of transformative fiction, created for fun and pleasure. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: This is a fic written for queer_fest. Inspired by the prompt: “ Hawaii Five-0, Danny, Grace, Danny struggles with how to explain his bisexuality to Grace, or if it's even necessary since he's not dating a guy right now anyway”.
I’d like to give a big thank you to perspi, verasteine and tailoredshirt for the soundboarding and beta. Thanks for the spit and shine!
The title is from “The Rainbow Connection” as sung by Kermit the Frog , or Sarah McLachlan.
Summary: “How do you know when you’re in love?”

( The hiss of the sizzling pan as he plops in the butter and the tell tale clink of the spoon against a mug are his favourite sounds in the morning )