Not Anonymous

I love second hand books.

I love the fact that the books that belong to me now, were loved by someone before me. I love the creased spines and the yellowed, aged pages. The smell of bookcases and cardboard boxes rather than glue.

Like Giles said: Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell... musty and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is... it has no texture, no context. It's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible. It should be, um... smelly.

Mind, that I have a very healthy love for computers, but Giles is possibly one of the most inspiring characters and figures of my early adolescence and late childhood - there's a reason I want to be a tweed wearing, martial arts knowing Librarian Hero!

I received my order from Better World Books (which I ordered just over a week ago, dude they're fast!) and I four of the books I bought were for a course I'm taking next semester - I'm taking a Toni Morrison course - yes, yes, lucky me!

But the one book I purchased without a cause other than "hey, there's a sale! I'll get a book I've been wanting for a while!" and that book is Sarah Schulman's People in Trouble.

Another thing about second hand books is that usually, they are third or fourth hand books and they come to be marked and used and dog-eared. I won't be unfolding the dog ears in this book, as I'm interested in seeing what pages caught the reader's attention and how invariably it now has mine.

But the very best thing? Finding a note.

This book came with a note! From one woman to another. Due to the nature of the book and the author (the book being about the AIDS crisis, a lesbian affair and written by a lesbian woman) I safely assume that the women who exchanged this book are queer themselves and I feel they were probably good friends.

This is the note I found in the book.

Amy dearest. Managed you two Sarah books 2nd hand (people in trouble is best). My grandma died in Jan 2nd. Sigh. Been a hard week.
Speak to you soon. Was wonderful seeing you.
♥ Viaoex

I'm not sure if the last word, which I think is the writer's name, is that or "Viavex" or something else.
Opinions?

Regardless, how cool is that?!

Full disclosure: I am a reader of fan-fiction, an occasional writer and have aspirations to be a critical aca-fen.

Now, go forth and read what I have to say about All Of This.
(Screenshot of all three posts and the PS). h/t ciaan

The reason I went online all those years ago, more than a decade for sure, was because I was looking for people like me.

What do I mean, people like me?

Fans of the teevee show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What I found was a sapling of what would be a giant red-wood tree of creativity, community and fun.

I wrote Buffy fanfic before I knew what fanfic was. Blatant self-inserts that I and my BFF at the time, who is also a Buffy fan, put in so that we could talk directly to the characters.
Her character was a manifestation of Energy who became human in search for love (i.e. Dawn).
My character was a vampire woman who was seriously into S/M (something else I had no idea existed at the time, I was sure I was inventing something) and enjoyed tormenting the male vampires and seducing young high school girls (i.e. Vamp Willow, also Faith sans the Vampire part, of course).

When both these characters did in fact actually manifest on the screen all those years later, when we were already in our late teens and little bit more aware of the world and all it's multitudes, we *squeed*. ( Lengthy )

Bottom line. You can dislike Fan-Fiction as much as you want. You can call it lazy, unoriginal, illegal (which is not the same as unethical!) or any other pejorative you can think of. That is your right, it is so easy not to read it.

Through fan-fic I discovered so much and so many comic books and more original fiction that I would probably have a much smaller book collection than I do. Three book shelves, stacked baby.

Don't tell me that fan-fiction is less meaningful that original-fiction.

Because it's wrong.

*Get the pun? Get it? :P

These many thought came about because of my slowly becoming more involved in fandom, developing ideas of my own for writing fan fiction, talking to other fans about these issues and real life events paralleling fandom events too closely in my mind.

About a year ago I wrote a post about why I'm obsessing with Torchwood.

Now I have some new thoughts.

But I think I need to write a little something that will further contextualize what I'm writing.

( A Bit About Buffy, because it's important )

Buffy and I parted ways a few years ago. It's still the best show to ever be on television; writing wise, thematically and just plain awesomeness. I have seven academic books about Buffy.

It changed my life, I'll always be grateful².

All that was a long way of saying, I take my entertainment seriously. Not only that, it takes me seriously as well.

Torchwood changed my life as well, in a vastly different way.

Not too long ago I wrote: I love Torchwood and generally speaking, Torchwood loves me..

It's obvious to me, but I suppose I should disclaim, that I'm well aware that the people on Torchwood , just like every other show, movie and book that I read, are fictional, I will not be able to go to Wales and meet any of them.
And despite a phenomenon like this, they are not real.

Except, that they are.

( Introspective Personal Thought On Texts That I Love )

When it comes down to it, the past year was hard and I really cannot imagine how I would have gotten through it were it not for my girlfriend and Torchwood (it helps that she enjoys the show as well). I had to deal with a real world that didn't go exactly like I expected.

Wake up call.

As most of you know, during July I was still pretty shook up over what happened in Torchwood: Children of Earth, you just need to browse back to see how deeply affected I was. I don't know how my GF stood me. I don't know how anyone stood me.
Then in August the real life tragedy of a Hate Crime against queer youth struck and I was shook up again.
Living in the country that I do exposes me to violence on a scale that at times is just too much.

I felt so disgusted with myself that I took the death of Ianto Jones as hard as I did.

It's gratifying knowing that I'm not alone. That I am validated and can validate others in their love of text and how it affects them.
How we affect it.

I think I'm going to be writing fic very soon.

( Notes )

I've just been told by the BFF who downloaded the 3ed Season of Torchwood for me that it is burned onto a DVD and I should be getting it today.

I'm so freakin' nervous.

Torchwood, the show and the fandom, take up about the same kind of emotional and cerebral space that I thought would never be able to be shared with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and to a certain extent Harry Potter.

I've been very good about avoiding spoilers, though I watch various communities and blogs who are TW fandomy, I only got tiny details by osmosis and one big something that I hope doesn't mean what I think it means but I'm keeping my mind open to whatever happens in these five episodes.

I'll talk more at length about "Children of Earth" after I've actually viewed them, I'll even write (a) reaction post(s) before I read any other Meta and/or Fic, though I'm really, really tempted.

I think it's fairly clear that when it comes to which show I prefer, it is Torchwood and not Doctor who that stole my heart - though I love the Doctor and his Companions and will regale to anyone who will (or won't) listen about how fucking awesome New!Who is.

Torchwood however, is something else.

( Spoilers for lots of stuff (not including season 3 of TW as I have not seen it yet) )

I'm really looking forward to "Children on Earth", though I am very scared of what may happen.

I've been told by a few of my friends that I'm authentic.

Authenticity is such a mailable idea. What does it mean exactly? That I live up to the ideals I believe in (hardly) or that I live up to the idea that I have of myself.
Or the idea that others have of me.

I don't know.

But it's a hell of a compliment.

aesiron had a meme: Comment to this post and I will give you five things I associate you with. Then either elaborate in a reply or in an entry in your journal.

Generally, I'd write a little spiel of my love of those things.
But everybody does that.
So I'm going a different route.
( Batman )
( Sinead O'Connor )
( V For Vendetta )
( Gender Politics )
( Buffy the Vampire Slayer )

Enjoy!
Comment away!

I feel as though anecdotes from the week are a wee bit boring for others to read.
Then again, I read other people's lives and can only assume you all don't hang around this little Junk Yard o'Words for the scenery.

So this week was/still is iCon and a pretty fun one it was for me. I'll not be going to the last day tomorrow as it is my Daddy's 64 birthday tomorrow later today and we are going to picnic elsewhere, away from the Suburbia and Urbania of the Centre.
Last year I pretty much skipped and this year it was great to reconnect with all the people I don't get to meet that often IRL *waves to those who didn't miss me this week because they actually saw me*.
And of course make new friends, which is always fun.
Buffy talk is, as always, the Fun.
Not enough Doctor Who and Torchwood; it may be a little too fluffy? Though I'm not sure why... could just be a culture clash, as Americana and Israeli-Centric work is far more common than Britannica.
I'm really obsessing Torchwood.
I can't get enough of Ianto Jones.
He's just... *gibberish* Fictional men rule! *fist*
Some coherent thoughts on Torchwood will probably come along with my queer analysis of "Iron Man", my queer analysis of "Harry Potter"'s Lupin and Tonks' Lavender Marriage and a comparative analysis of the DCU and the Buffyverse, specifically how Angel correlates as Batman, Riely correlates as Superman, Buffy correlates as Wonder Woman and Spike correlates as Catwoman (thank you nurint for talking to me about it... will email you soon, hope you have time to read LJ!).
And Oi! No stealing my ideas! Well, you know... you can... I mean, this is the interwebs!

I also ate sea-food.
With tamara_russo.
It was tasty.
That woman is the incarnation of the Snake in the Garden of Eden... giving into culinary temptation never felt so good.
Meat has no appeal and I'm beginning to lose my enjoyment of dairy products... though I don't know if I'll ever be able to give up ice-cream.
There's always soy-milk for coffee.

You want more? Well, I'll just hope you can be happy with this little snippet of life at the 'mo.
Hope to get back into the swing of regular updating over the next few days.
Isn't it strange that a week of not updating seems long?
My LJ is going to be three next week and it's become a constant in my life.
I don't know if that's good or bad.
It's most certainly a fact.

Reply to the Meme:

Buffy and the Basics

My favourite season is probably the third (even though most of my favourite individual eps are from the fourth and sixth seasons), but the arch with the Mayor, Faith and the way ethics and morality got all mixed around in that season, making it so much more complicated than the second and most certainly the first. I feel the third offers the most foreshadowing (in retrospect obviously) to the rest of the seasons; Buffy's relationship with her friends, her independence, Willow and Xander finally closing up the feelings that were quite obvious between them before... I mean two of my favourite eps are the two most connected ones, The Wish and Doppelgangland... 'tis cool with the sexy Willow and the foreshadowing of #1 her Lesbianism (which admittedly I felt had more to do with Tara as a person rather than her inherent sexuality) and #2 her total badassness as a villain - the Troika may have been the baddies, but Willow was the Big Bad - especially as a Vamp.

And a little basic information on me: I'm 22, I had a perfectly normal sheltered childhood, most Jewish families have in the towns surrounding Tel-Aviv from Anglo-Saxon background (my family is South African) I'm the first Sabra, I was born in Israel and have never lived anywhere else, unless you include the six months I spent in the US with my sister as an Au Pair (see the America saga for time I spend there between Feb-July 2006).
I have no idea what I want to do when I finish Uni, I've barely started that yet.

A defining/important moment in my childhood/teen-hood

*sigh* I don't know! I lived a little sheltered life, nothing happened to me, ever, I was totally oblivious to everything that didn't concern me... even the Gulf War in which Scuds came down on us passed without scarring me (I think, my therapist doesn't seem to think it affected me especially).
There are two things which really come to mind as defining moments or events - and that's probably the birth of my oldest Nephew... suddenly I was auntie and my sister was a mother, I was pretty overwhelmed at the time. I was 16 and when I held him the first time I cried and was really scared I'd drop him or do something horrible, but all I had to do was hold him close and it was okay. Now the boy is six and I have to struggle just to give him a kiss, *sigh* they grow up quick - we do argue about the Beatles though, I'm a John-girl, he's Paul all the way *grin*.
The second event is the second Lebanon War, it affected me in a way I never thought could actually happen in real life, you can find out more by reading my entries about my reserve service (which I no longer do) here - July-Aug 2006.

Vegetarianism

I became a vegetarian very late in life, only two years ago.
My oldest sister has been a veg most of her life and for some reason it never rubbed off on me until I was 21.
I decided to go veg when I realized I wanted to live a more ethical life (which I felt started when I stopped consuming disposable menstrual products and began using a Mooncup), I briefly considered going vegan, but that would have been too much of an imposition on my mother (who cooks the food I eat) and thus kind of negate the whole ethical thing - when I live on my own we'll see what happens.
The whole vegetarian thing, when it comes late in life, is sort of mystifying to old friends and acquaintances: Why now and not before? How much difference does it actually make? Where do you get your protein? But you eat fish* right? It's almost (but not quite) like coming out of the closet, because it requires other to adjust to this new information, which, while not exactly conflicting with the image that one has of me, is still not exactly what they thought.
I really love being a veg, as it opened up a whole new avenue of food that I now eat, which I didn't bother to before - Tofu and different kinds of cheese, fried aubergines, pine nuts - I have more, but none at the top of my head.

*Because for some reason fish is a variant of vegetable o_O

Not to worry! More to come.

Okay, I'm not American and I'm following the campaigns only peripherally.

But one of the blogs I read linked to this: The GOP Primary Field in Buffy Villains.

And OMG! So True!

I urge you all to read it if you're American and/or just a Whedonverse!fan of the Buffy persuasion.

All I have to say is *squeeeeeeeeee*.

Good Lord, the slash that will commence from that.

*whew* I'm hot just thinking about... oh, no wait, that's the crap weather we're having.
Did I mention it's hot like frelling hell!!!

In addition, the genocide in Darfur must be stopped.

וכמו כן, צריך לעצור את רצח העם בדרפור.

Happy Birthday "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"!

And thank you. You changed my life, I don't know who I'd be if it weren't for you.

With much appreciation,

One of your oldest fans.