eumelia: (Default)
... that one day I will blog again and that my thoughts will be arranged in paragraphs, instead of declarative sentences.

Hoping. Hoping.

I think once I move and my time changes a little, I'll be able to make these spaces work again.

I want to believe.

Did I mention I'm going to Hawaii?
eumelia: (rest and relaxation)
2013 has been my leanest year by far when it comes to writing here, the reasons are multifaceted and strange, but they the main one is that I have been sucked into the world of micro-blogging.

It may surprise you to hear, but I do very well on twitter (the link to it is on the upper left corner there). The content is pretty exactly the same there and it was here - feminism, fandom, queeriosity, politics, etc.

But friends, I have over 400 followers. That's not as many as some, I don't think my influence is that great - pah! Look at my ego go - but people like what I have to say, this is amazing to me at times.

I suspect that if I could have DW/LJ open at the office (and I sort of can, in a way, now that I think about it) I'd blog more. You see, I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week (sometimes weekends) and I really love my job, but it doesn't really give me time to write long form. Texting quickly is where it's at and with my job, being connected to social media actually helps, so getting lost in the friends list may not be wise - but it might help my sanity? Who knows, I'm not sure.

I'm still living with my parents, 2013 was the year in which I did not move out, basically.

One thing that keeps me happy is fandom. I'm still watching "Hawaii Five-0" despite feeling like it reached it's peak in episode 3.15 and then took a nosedive to a place I sometimes find myself thinking "what the fuck am I watching?", but Scott Caan, Danny and his relationships with the team keep me going and keep me inspired, so I'm not giving up yet.

It has made me a bit lonely, though. Not being a multi-shipper (the little sparks of Danny/Kono and Danny/Mary and Danny/Almost-anyone-let's-face-it notwithstanding) I find myself a bit estranged from some of the fandom friends I've made when I realised that the majority of the McDanno fans aren't what I'd call home.

I feel very torn and pulled, floating along with the very few with whom I can gush and lose my head with and the fact that the rest of time I feel policed and annoyed.

Them's the breaks, I guess. I'm hoping the upcoming episodes uplift me a bit, knowing a few of the spoilers help when they don't make me fucking anxious because I trust Peter Lenkov et al about as much I trust the piece of Lego I stepped on.

I do hope to get back to writing long form, again.

That's what the arbitrary changing of dates is for, right?

See you on the flipside.

Tumblr crossover
eumelia: (Default)
I'm very much alive and tweeting and blogging on other platforms.

What can I do to revitalise these places?
eumelia: (brilliant)
It's the first of September and I'm here!

First of all, oh my god, [personal profile] perspi thank you so much for the DW points, that is so generous and lovely and thoughtful! And brilliant gift for the new Hebrew year. Thank you.

Second of all, it is indeed the week of Rosh Ha'Shana and it being so, I'm really going to make an effort to reactivate my long form blogging on DW and LJ. Who knows, maybe connect the account to twitter (which is where I spend most of my time at this point - it's helpful for work and for fast speedy one liner thoughts that need an outlet.)

Twitter, though, is one of the most passive aggressive platform on earth. There are days in which I feel like everyone is mean spirited, myself included, despite the fact that I try to curb my passive aggressive tendencies by being, well, aggressive aggressive.

It's a finicky thing. I do like the attention of that platfrom and have a very healthy mix of queers, feminists and fans that I follow and who follow me back. I've never been so popular.

It's actually been a stressful time (I know, when isn't it?), Hawaii Five-0 fandom continues to be toxic - it will never stop being so so long as some fans feel they are entitled to shame others in the name of a celebrity who deigned to talk to them - not to mention that the showrunner himself is a racist asshole.

I'll live with the pain, I guess, in the name of Scott and Danny. It's hard, not gonna lie, it takes a lot to just be happy in that fandom, it is rife with bullshit I don't deal with very well, but this is the show that hooked me and it's not letting go.

As for real life, you guys, I promise, in the hour of need I promise to take a selfie with my gas mask on and caption it "Are you my Mummy?"

Funny, right!?

More later!
eumelia: (coffee)
Hello lovies!

It has been too long. I've come and gone on my holiday, which I will write up at some point and add pics, I promise. I really did try to blog, but writing in long form on Officer Kalakaua was not easy.

I came back a week ago and throughout that week I felt very keenly the lack of personal computer - been on my phone (Wombat), tablet (Officer Kalakaua) and my mother's guest account on her desktop and truthfully... it was not fun.

But now I'm typing on my brand spanking new Samsung Series 5 with 1TB of hard disk memory and 8GB of RAM! SQUEEEE! She is so pretty and her name is Elphaba (after the witch of the west from "Wicked") and I'm adoring her.

Been downloading all the things to get her up and running as I want, still need to transfer files from my external hard disk which I used in order to backup Ursula when her network card went kaput and her screen card began to die.

Windows 8 is very confusing though. The no "Start" button, dafuq Microsoft, who thought this was a good idea. It's like how the other day I was on my twitter client and was suddenly told I'd reached my "daily limit of 50 tweets a day" to which I snorted and was greatly annoyed. I then tweeted at the client's official twitter and helpdesk accounts for many hours with major complaints.

They ended up rolling back the feature because I tell you, as a daily twitter user (and I use twitter for conversation) the amount of tweets that I write way over 50 per day.

Like my twitter client, Microsoft is all about rolling back "features". Good job with the Xbox-One (er... 180 now?)

But Elphaba is lovely, sleek, and waiting for her Windows 8.1 update. Only a few more days to the return of the "Start" button!

Soon I shall also get Office and I'l have my beloved Word back!
eumelia: (oh no!)
I've been spending most of my days on my mobile devices, because my parents are back and the desktop actually belongs to my mother. Still, when she's not on it, I'm on her guest account.

Not having a laptop/PC of my own is a pain, but I still manage to stay connected, though it curbs my desire for long term writing because the touch screen keyboard really isn't all that.

If you follow me on Tumblr, don't expect to see me there until I get a laptop, I hate the mobile apps for the website (they're clunky and don't have saviour, meaning everything I don't want to see... is there to be seen) and I can't really have my dash up here because a bunch of it is not safe for work, making it not safe for parents who may glance in my direction while I'm on the main desktop with it's ginormous wide screen.

Still, I am around and hopefully I'll keep blogging until I head out on my holiday next weekend. Yes, I'm finally off on my two week holiday next Friday! I haven't had a proper holiday in quite a while. All my other long weekends this year were with my family and while I love them, they aren't really all that relaxing come to think of it.

I've been blocked with fic writing for months, hopefully this two week jaunt will help clear my head and give me some new experiences to sublimate.

So, yay for that!

Short PSA

May. 21st, 2013 07:00 am
eumelia: (compassion & kindness)

I put a cut on my recent posts due to receiving totally correct PM's from other phobics who don't want to read about my exploits.

I'm so sorry my posts caused undo distress due to my thoughtlessness.

From now on any posts (and I don't think there will be, hopefully) that deal with my phobia will be cut.

Please do not feel shy to contact me about posts that you may find upsetting or triggering, I do not want what I write to be the cause of any distress that can be avoided or at the very least controlled - I know, I read/watch things that might trigger me, but I psych myself up before hand.

All my love.
eumelia: (brilliant)
I cleaned my room yesterday.

Those of you who have been with me for a few years know that this is generally a full day's project, a morning till night kind of deal.

It wasn't so bad this time. I only filled two garbage bags and discarded of a broken computer that was sitting there, masquerading as a dust collector.

My room suddenly has a fresh smell and feels airy. I put a lot of my knick knacks into storage, including my 30+ snow globe collection. I did that when I moved back in with my parents last year, but this time I also rearranged my current collection of stuff.

All this is very mundane, but it's also significant, because once again I neglected this place and I think I neglected you all, which isn't fair, ever.

Hopefully this clean really is a new leaf for me, because I've also been feeling creatively stunted for a while. I haven't written meta in months (for a variety of reasons) and I've been stymied when it comes to fic that I'd like other people to read and not self indulgent exercises.

My life has been pretty monotonous unfortunately, I haven't had time to return to roller derby and I'm basically working all the damn time.

I'm sorry I wasn't around for important things that happened to you guys. I have no excuse other than the fact that long form writing seems to be out of my reach lately.

Love you all.
eumelia: (shine)
A few months ago, and I suspect by now it was actually last year, I wanted to help revive DW and LJ.

I then promptly fucked off to while my days on twitter and tumblr. Go me. I can see the effects in my writing here, it's all short sentences and tiny thoughts.

I've always liked big, long, and meandering thoughts, the kind that span the entire line of a page and make you want to see what the next thought will be. I don't know if that effect is managed all that well, but one tries.

I figure this is a good opportunity to reintroduce myself to the people here, some of you are really new and we never got the chance to really talk to you before I decided instant gratification was more satisfying than the slow build of comment threads.

So, who am I?!?!

The question of the ages, as it's wont to be.

First thing, I'm Mel, I've been on LJ and DW for a number of years, and they share the moniker of "eumelia". As you may have noticed.

I generally brain dump and talk about feelings regarding my life, my fandom, my politics. All of these are deeply intertwined.

It's really due to my job that I've hardly been writing here, my time is limited and I'm generally exhausted most of the time due to the long hours that I work. I work for a large internet company and I spend many hours on the internet reading the news. Yep, I'm living the dream.

I'm a lesbian-bisexual-queer cis woman, yes all of those things, at the same time. I'm also gay. I'm feminist. I'm Jewish and have a great deal of white privilege due to the fact that I'm Israeli. I vehemently oppose my country's occupation of the Palestinian people and have a great longing towards the the Diaspora. Israel doesn't always feel like home, I suspect no place on God's green earth will ever feel like like home.

I'm atheist. That's important to me because I spend many years wanting to believe and not understanding why it didn't make sense to me. And yes, it's really easy being a Jewish atheist, because the former is an ethnicity and a culture and the religion is part of it, and even opposing the religious doctrines doesn't make me any less of a Jew, just like incorporating tradition doesn't make me any less of an atheist.

I'm a fangrrl. I squee. I also harsh squees, like a champion. I'm okay with being that person. My current fandom is "Hawaii Five-0" and yeah, I'm still surprised at that, as I'm not really a procedural person. But it's inspired me to write and my identification with one of the characters has kept me going for a while now.

I have PTSD. I don't really "suffer from it", I dislike that term when it comes to things that make my brain the way it is. I've been living with it since 2006 and what it's a bit hard to explain how it affects my day to day life. But if you're curious or want to know something, I'm not shy about talking about it.

I think that's the biggest things. I may have forgotten something. Do feel free to introduce yourselves here, I'd like to get to know the new peeps and just catch up with the old peeps. You know who you are.

I love you all.
eumelia: (Default)
Good afternoon.

I've been avoiding my DW and LJ.

The reasons for doing this evade me, but I realised that this is what I'd been doing.

Due to that behaviour I'd actually been neglecting some of my dearest and oldest friends from my own online life.

It's a terrible feeling, realising this sort of thing.

Work has been eating my life and sometimes the very quick and instant gratification of spaces like twitter and tumblr have been more convenient. But I miss you guys and I know it's up to me to rekindle the love for DW and LJ and to make them welcoming again.

I look forward to doing just that, and I figure the 1st of March is a good time to (re)begin again.

Can't wait to get to do all this again.
eumelia: (Default)
I can't believe it's been another two weeks since I've written here.

You guys, I'm sorry, this is a crap way of communicating with you all. Some of you I'm communicating with on other platforms, but for a lot of you this is it, plus the fact that new people have joined my lists here (DW and LJ).

I'm really frustrated that all I'm managing to do these days it spurt our thoughts of 140 characters or less, and lazily reblog shit on tumblr.

I used to write here all the time, about everything.

Now I feel like I'm just scratching my fingernails on a blackboard.

I also feel like not much is happening in my life, so why bother? I know, that's a very defeatist attitude and I need to do something about it.

I will write something about my life today, very soon in fact, so stay tuned :)
eumelia: (oh no!)
I've been so involved in the instant gratification that is Twitter and Tumblr that I've totally neglected these spaces again.

I feel horrible, because I know many of you are here exclusively and I've totally been ignoring what's been happening here.

I'm so sorry guys, especially after you've been here for me so long.

My distraction is no excuse and I hope you all can forgive me for not noticing something big that happened in your lives.

I love you all, my babes!


Dec. 8th, 2012 12:51 am
eumelia: (snuggles)
[personal profile] kouredios/[ profile] kouredios is trying to revive LJ and DW fandom and is hosting a friending meme just for that!

Check it out on Dreamwidth and Livejournal.

My threads on here and here.

Join the fun!
eumelia: (hey look)
Hello Peoples!

I'm using my friend's smartphone at a wifi hotspot to have internet! It's quite magical.

The guest house my friends and I are staying at had said there was wifi all around, but we ended up having to stand in the corner with our laptops on our heads while performing an arabesque to maintain one bar of internet.

Yeah, it was a bit 1990's.

Still, now with the hotspot I'm surfing like normal (minus YouTube and other random bandwidth eating activities).

Let me tell you how much fun we had driving up to the guest house! It has been rather rainy and wintery (though not cold during the day) and as we drove towards the mountain on which we are no situated, we saw not one, but two rainbows! It looked like it was connected through the clouds!

I almost expected a Care Bear to come sliding down. It was rather gorgeous.

I had a three hour nap, fell asleep in my bra and jeans, that's how knackered I was, dude, I needed that nap.

After we all got up (because we all napped) we went to eat and then basically came back to nap some more, only it was already night so it was an actual good night's sleep.

Today we woke up for breakfast made by the proprietors and then we went shopping! I don't really enjoy shopping as an activity, but there was a sale in many of the shops so I got three cardigans and a hat (which was bought for me as a present, much to my delight), so I'm rather more prepared for winter than I was before this short getaway.

Currently, I'm lounging on the big bed while my close mate reads her book right next to me. I'm wondering how long I'll be able to keep my eyes open before I succumb to another nap.

And why the hell shouldn't I. I'm on weekend holiday.

eumelia: (coffee)
There are crossposting issues between Dreamwidth and Livejournal at the moment.

Hopefully it will be resolved soon, but on a totally selfish level, let me just say I'm really glad the issues started after I became rather post heavy this month and not before.

When I do write, I'll still be crossposting, it will just be manual. Because I'm pedantic like that.

ETA: It would appear the crosspost is working again?
eumelia: (get a job)
Officer Kalakaua here!

I'm in a meeting I am not participating in, so I brought out my little tablet.

I'm looking very studious!
eumelia: (coffee)
Hello my lovlies.

I'm writing this on my new fangled Tablet, l'm still not used to writing on this screen, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it quite soon.

I've named it Officer Kalakaua, which is quite long for my goofy thumbs to type.

That being said I think I'll be updating here some more what with being more mobile.


See you all soon!
eumelia: (Default)
So, uh, it's been a week again, the fic I posted yesterday not withstanding, since I posted.

I swear, I don't want to be this person who only bloggs on the weekends and the rest of the week is reduced to 140 characters and inane tumblr reblogging!

But I am that person, as well.

Somehow, I have to get my groove back.

Now though, I'm getting ready to go to my nephew's birthday party.

He's 11.

I don't even know how that's possible.
eumelia: (coffee)
But we celebrated anyway.

My birthday is actually this coming Monday, but life being what it is, it was celebrated today and much fun was had.

My siblings got me exactly what I wanted. The "Hawaii Five-0" first season box set! Which, omg, yay!

This is especially good, because I've gotten my parents to watch the show and it will bu much easier to watch the episodes through the DVD machine, rather than hooking up my computer to the big tv screen every time we want to watch an episode.

So much fun.

Speaking of my parents, they got me a tablet.

A tablet.

With a touch screen.

It's 7" of goodness, on which I'll be able to read e-books, fanfiction, watch television and take my computerised life with me wherever I go.

I honestly can't believe they got me a tablet. It's currently charging and it doesn't have a name (I name all my computers), but tomorrow once I've played with it for a while I'll know what's what with this little machine.

I have H50 and a tablet!

I can't believe I have these things now!
eumelia: (bullshit)
It feels like these things write themselves, honestly.

I read on twitter that the Livejournal com [ profile] ontd posted a link to an article about what Famous Authors Have to Say About Fanfiction.

On the subject matter I can only go, oy; on which I will expand.

But the way I got to this article is interesting in it's own right. Fandom uses social media to interact with itself and with creators has made the audience, more than ever before, an active participant in the culture.

I don't think we've ever been passive consumers in any way; the whole "water cooler" concept that has been around for decades is proof of that. However, the fact that we have the option of really communicating with artists on a basic conversational level, thereby eliminating the class distinction between those who have access to creators of culture and those who do not (up to a point, just using a computer and the internet is class indicative) is something new.

Not to mention, the audience being creative and transformative in its own right.

We, as the audience, interact with art. It's a basic part of being human. Having, creating and interpreting culture.

Without an audience, the artists have no one to be bitches at.

When I read quotes from the likes of authors whom feel a kind of ownership over their characters because fanfic authors "steal them" and only the "original" authors have the "right" to abuse their characters (as JRR Martin put it) all I can do is sigh, regroup and remember that without me, as a reader, there would be no point to what they created. In an original fashion of course, because every author is never derivative.

I get that this is part of the whole "50 Shades of Grey" issue that seems to be plaguing the mainstream media.

The mainstream media doesn't know how to talk about active audience participation, transformative art (be if fic, art or vid) and it doesn't know how to talk about the fact that no work exists in a vacuum.

If there's something I've learnt in reading about "50 Shades of Grey", is that fandom is a culture and that being fannish is a way to participate in the world that not everyone gets, even if they are big geek or nerd or a reader of derivative fiction like "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" or a watcher of shows like "Sherlock".

To read a book and want more than what the author wrote down is not a sign that we do not respect the author. The author, really, is irrelevant, because what we want is to interact with the words on the page. And it's not "the author is dead". They're not dead, but they are outside the work just like the audience.

What they meant and their intent is as optional as our own fannish head-canon.

Word of God is not canon. It exists outside the text, outside the show, behind the scenes.

As such, when articles like the one above writes:
While some authors support, or at least tolerate, the practice, others vehemently oppose it, citing monetary issues as well as feelings of personal violation and another sentiment that roughly translates to “if you were really creative, you’d make up your own characters.”

All I can say is, you do not own a work of art. You deserve to get paid for the work that you've done and I buy books and dvd's because I whole heartedly believe that creative work deserves to be recognised in a way that both credits and supports the creator, you do not have a say in the way I, my fellow fans or anyone else interprets your work, interacts with it or creates through it.

We are equal to you in our importance to the culture.

We also outnumber you.

[Entry #002]


eumelia: (Default)

June 2015

 12345 6

V and Justice

V: Ah, I was forgetting that we are not properly introduced. I do not have a name. You can call me V. Madam Justice...this is V. V... this is Madam Justice. hello, Madam Justice.

Justice: Good evening, V.

V: There. Now we know each other. Actually, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time. Oh, I know what you're thinking...

Justice: The poor boy has a crush on adolescent fatuation.

V: I beg your pardon, Madam. It isn't like that at all. I've long admired you...albeit only from a distance. I used to stare at you from the streets below when I was a child. I'd say to my father, "Who is that lady?" And he'd say "That's Madam Justice." And I'd say "Isn't she pretty."

V: Please don't think it was merely physical. I know you're not that sort of girl. No, I loved you as a person. As an ideal.

Justice: What? V! For shame! You have betrayed me for some harlot, some vain and pouting hussy with painted lips and a knowing smile!

V: I, Madam? I beg to differ! It was your infidelity that drove me to her arms!

V: Ah-ha! That surprised you, didn't it? You thought I didn't know about your little fling. But I do. I know everything! Frankly, I wasn't surprised when I found out. You always did have an eye for a man in uniform.

Justice: Uniform? Why I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. It was always you, V. You were the only one...

V: Liar! Slut! Whore! Deny that you let him have his way with you, him with his armbands and jackboots!

V: Well? Cat got your tongue? I though as much.

V: Very well. So you stand revealed at last. you are no longer my justice. You are his justice now. You have bedded another.

Justice: Sob! Choke! Wh-who is she, V? What is her name?

V: Her name is Anarchy. And she has taught me more as a mistress than you ever did! She has taught me that justice is meaningless without freedom. She is honest. She makes no promises and breaks none. Unlike you, Jezebel. I used to wonder why you could never look me in the eye. Now I know. So good bye, dear lady. I would be saddened by our parting even now, save that you are no longer the woman I once loved.


-"V for Vendetta"


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