Not Anonymous

I showered twice within three hours.

That's what I get for actually leaving the house in July between the hours on noon and two pm.

There is a long summer ahead, as ever. I wonder if the mind forgets these things in order to protect us from the trauma that is June to October in this stinking country.

Regardless, I went out to keep my mother company at the mall, an open mall, so there was no air conditioning except inside the shops, which were pleasant respites.

I am, as ever, always a bit aware of what it means to be hairy in public.

I've been wearing tank tops almost exclusively for the past month, it's either that or expiring, but I have hairy underarms, so the first time I went to work in a tank top (we're very casual in our dress at the office, people come in flip flops, I draw the line at that, also they hurt my toes. Sandals though, haven't worn shoes in a while as well) I was a little apprehensive.

I mean, it's not like I thought someone would say anything, that's a very big faux pas no matter how you look at it, but you start wondering what other people are thinking.

Until you don't.

It becomes easy to just head out in a loose tank top and just feel the breeze under your arms.

My mother though, well, I love her little suggestions.

"Don't you think you'd be cooler if you shaved your armpits and legs."

"I'll consider it, if you suggest the same to dad and my brother."

"They're not girls!"

*sigh*

The whole trying to "shame" me into shaving again is a really odd tactic. I've done my unpacking, at first it was an experiment to see if I had the nerve now it's just the way I am. Wearing shorts that show my hairy shins, so what?! No one is actually going to say anything and even if they did, it's their problem.

My bff bought me a dress a few months ago, but it was still too chilly to wear casually. Tomorrow we're going to the pool and I'll wear it over my bikini and it'll be so much fun to frolic in the water.

The decision to be hairy is not one I took lightly.

The fact that it was a decision at all kind of gives the game away.

I bought a dress.

A sun-dress.

A blue and yellow polka dot dress.

And it was bought at an extremely reasonable price. Very funny considering I had been trying on button-down shirts and ties in the men's sections of different shops before hand.

Shopping with men in extremely liberating in that regard. They don't care from which section of the shop you buy from and once you have the shirt on the shop-clerks will not say anything, especially when they are aware that you deliberately went to the men's section.

I always feel a bit inadequate when I go shopping, even if no one is looking at me, the full weight of the gaze of Fashion is upon me. I'm no fashionista, but I have particular taste, I do not like bulging in any direction and I do not like anything that is too out there, I'm pretty conservative when it comes to my clothes - seriously, my most daring article of clothing is a pair of tweed trousers that only look good if the shirts are tucked in and I loathe tucking in my shirts - but for these pants, I'll do it.

It was also liberating because for the past month or so I've been forgoing shaving. And this dress is sleeveless, so shopping with men who not playing the gaze game with me was pretty good - though I don't know if they were surprised to see all the hair or if I'm just projecting my own issues. It's still cool enough to wear long sleeved shirts, but soon it'll be shorts and tanks and I'm a bit anxious. I'm anxious because I've never been hairy under my arms, really, once I started sprouting on my legs and under-arms I was regimented into hair removal.

There's something about being hairy while wearing a sun-dress. It's a bit like saying: "All this flesh you're seeing is for me and not for you to look at", it's fucked-up that that's my thought process, but clothes and the way your body is disciplined into beauty and gender norms are not actually for yourself, but for others who look at you.

So, I'm looking forward to wearing it this summer (or, you know, in a few weeks once the weather evens out into hot. Summer is going to be so hot hell is freezing), I'm not looking forward to the looks I'll be getting and there's just no way about it... people look and they judge.

The dress though, it's gorgeous and I look fucking awesome in it.

Today I accompanied a friend to one of the most expensive malls in the country - it's a five minute walk from the Uni campus - which is situated in one of the most up market neighbourhoods in Tel Aviv.

Completely unexpectedly, I bought shoes.
I do not simply walk into a shop and buy things on the spot.
It's simply something I do not do.

But for these, I was willing to be spontaneous.
They are, in the words of my father, Zooty!

Add to that, that I tried on pants I haven't fitted into for the past two years and they looked awesome!
I'm feeling pretty good.
In that utterly shallow, I really should be beyond this sort of sizeist thinking, kind of way.

Follow the link! Admire those puppies!

- Spent Friday morning at a bazaar and bought clothes and the earnings went to the sexual assault treatment centers. Yay, shopping for a good cause!

- Spent Friday to now at Tami (still at her place until we have to go to Uni at around noon) due to her parents being away and it's no fun being home alone, I know this all too well.

- Uni's still striking.

- Aaarg!