eumelia | Entries tagged with universe city

A lot of the choices I've made, throughout my life and especially the last couple of years, have been due to the fact that I've had the privilege to make them.

I chose to study the Humanities on my parent's dime, because I was able to do so with little sacrifice on my side. I took my time, four years instead of three, because I was not able to handle a year in which a lot of shit happened - so I let my studies go and had to re-do a year.

I still feel guilty about that.

I had considered taking a year off between BA and going on to an MA, because, well, obviously I'll be doing an MA. This is the way the life of a privileged middle class girl goes, right? But first, I should probably get onto a career path of some kind. I enjoyed the Library, I loved being in the Library and I had various Librarian role models that made me think that being a Librarian was a good idea.

Well, the studies made me want to kill myself and the more I thought about where I wanted to go with my life, the notion of being on that path looked less and less like the thing I wanted to be.

So I decided to drop out.

I feel guilty about that too.

It's "another" thing I started and didn't finish. It's another "phase" that fizzled out because I got "bored". Never mind that the studies, depressed me to a degree to which I hadn't felt in a long while, probably not the subject matter itself (though really, my brain felt like it was leaking out of my skull while I was in class), but the frame of being in school, again.

I enjoy learning. But studying...

I feel guilty about the choosing to veer away from this plan, without a backup plan. I'm still unemployed, living off my savings at the moment, working on the side for my father so that I don't sink utterly. There's not a bit of shame involved in that, despite it being a concious choice I made.

And wouldn't you know, I feel guilty about that, as well.

The thing is, my parents were paying for these studies as well and I just couldn't have that any more.

I'm 26, and moved out and still, my parents were paying for my life.

You know, I'd much rather suck up the shame and ask them for help with the rent, than have them help me coast through life just so I can be put on a career path that was numbing me out.

I'm still numb, because I am overwhelmed by death, disease and the feelings of failure that will probably not leave me until I get a job, because I am nothing if not a loyal subject to the economic system.

But ever since I made the choice of leaving school, I've felt lighter and more at ease with the my guilt. I feel guilty for letting down my parents, not for making a choice they think is a mistake - because it's not a mistake for me. I feel guilty for not being financially secure at the moment, but I know that's a dynamic situation that can and will change and it's less to do with me personally and more to do with the structure of work force.
I feel guilty that everything is coming to a head at a time where there has been a death in the family and we are about to begin to revolve around a disease which we thought we wouldn't have to deal with again.

But nothing goes according to plan.

So really, why feel guilty?

For now, it's an outlet for me. Feeling all my feelings through the prism of guilt. It motivates me to try and not feel guilty. Feeling guilty informs me that I am being manipulated, in one way or another.

Feeling guilty reminds me that it could be worse. It reminds me of my privilege, I suppose.

Yesterday though, a song came on my shuffle that really helped me put it somewhat in perspective:

Hand In My Pocket - Alanis Morissette
( no one's really got it figured out just yet )

feeling overwhelmed
hearing Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/570241.html

I am about to commence my slip and slide into a vegetative state.

It has been a long few weeks, weekend and three days.

I wrote a things on Sunday to post once I had my own internet (which I now do, on my name and everything!) and didn't have time to write yesterday as Mondays are now my hellish days.

So, here's what I wrote on Sunday, enjoy the freak oute!

Sunday 30.10.11

I wrote this Sunday night, while I was clinging to the single bar on free internet and [Sexy!Roommate] wrote her Seminar.

It just so happened that her room is the only place that had actual internet access from a thoughtful/careless neighbor – she’s been wonderful in letting me sit in her room, we are supposed to get hooked up on Tuesday (God is Great and פעמיים כי טוב, pa’amaim ki tov, it is good twice over), so I’m cautiously optimistic.

Let me tell you about the move itself.

There were misshaps and missteps that were more about [Sexy!Roommate] than me, so I shan’t get into them, but suffice to say we were both exsausted by the end of the day. Also, as she has lived in her own places before now, she brought basically everything she owns.

It took us a couple of hours to arrange the furniture the way we like. During this time the hot water timer was on.

My brother helped schlep my desk and bookshelf earlier that day and he had a cold shower afterwards. We weren’t sure if our water heater was solar as well as electrical. Seeing as it had been a sunny day and he only had cold water I assumed the water had simply not been heated for a while.

So yeah, we switched on the water heater.

Wouldn’t you know, I nearly gave myself frost bite.

I was not going to bed sweaty, dusty and stinky after moving my life from here to there, so I gritted my teeth and shrieked as I washed my (thankfully short) hair in icy water.

We had made a list over the evening of things we needed to do today (when I say “we”, I mean me, because she’s got a job that makes her work long hours and I am currently unemployed so I have the time to waste) and I very angrily and underlined “Electrician” several times.

I informed our $#%&$#@ landlady of our troubles. I’m reluctant to actually lay out everything that is horrible about this woman, but for those of you I have spoken to on different avenues – everything I said? She’s worse!

So, I called a guy, forked over way too much money for what was probably the simplest problem on earth and I indeed had a hot shower this evening.

It was the best shower ever.

We also don’t have gas for the stove, the toaster oven’s nob is stuck on the highest heat, we don’t have enough electrical sockets and when I said our furniture was “arranged”? I meant in disarray.

I understand that this is SN(AFU).

As I said, [Sexy!Roommate] has basically moved her life here and I have not.

I am planning to trickle my stuff as I visit my parents. This will enable me to sift through my many books and DVD’s and decide which ones should come with me for keeps and which ones can stay behind and keep my old room homey – it’s going to be a long while. At the moment I’ve got three Gerrald Durrel (yeah, I’m on a kick) books with me. Seeing as [Sexy!Roommate] is a Buffy Fan as well, I think I’ll bring all my Aca!Buffy books along.

I didn’t take into account how quickly the weather will change. As such I have no winter clothing with me and will be borrowing shirts from [Sexy!Roommate] as we are the same shirt size.

It’s lucky I’m heading down to my parents on Wednesday and will be able to take up more stuff.

One thing I’m definitely missing is a bedside table and bookshelf of my own in my room. I feel oddly as sea without being able to read beside me and switch on a lamp, grab my phone or my watch, or have a place on which to place my flash drives and jewelry.

Today was also bureaucracy day. I have discovered that a big part of the bureaucratic method is trying to discover where it actually happens. As I mentioned on Twitter, “Kafka was right”. I certainly felt as though I was wondering aimlessly through corridors trying to find where I was supposed to put my brain for safe keeping.

I did, ho wever, discover where many of the things happen and what forms I should bring next time in order to get my forms signed and registered.

Go me! \o/

So while many things this week are bust because, like many bureaucratic offices, they are only open at certain hours on certain days, I will probably only be able to get what I wanted done today next Sunday. This is much less stressing than I initially thought it would be, because I now know where to go and who to call!

The little things that please me as a(n ir)responsible adult.

If all is good (twice over on a Tuesday), this will be posted along with other belated posts some time on Tuesday evening – though I may be busy with fandom, because damn I miss it now that it feels so far away due to sketchy internet!

As I write this, I am heating up some pita in the toaster oven for my sandwiches tomorrow (Monday), because, oh my word, it is going to be the first day of school!

I finished writing this post at five to eleven pm.

feeling exhausted
hearing Hawaii Five-0
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/560046.html

And I have sketchy internet!

I already have anecdotes of mishaps.

Once I am not piggy backing off a neighbour I will share.

Thanks to all who commented, messaged and/or emailed!

Tomorrow is my first day of school.

I hope to have details of everything at a later date.

feeling tired
hearing Stained - Take It
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/559675.html

Never have those song lyrics been more appropriate. Only those lyrics, mind, as I'm not leaving a sweetheart behind and I'll most likely be coming back to my parents' house later this week, but man...

I'm moving out.

I have pots and pans.

A lamp.

A huge backpack full of clothes.

A desk.

A bookshelf.

Food that my mother foisted onto me and [Sexy!Roommate]

A bunch of stuff I already took up to my apartment.

My apartment. A place of my own. With a friend.

I'm overwhelmed, because there is still so much to do; register with the municipality, get my student card, my student bus card, a job.

One of my friends said I'd have a hard time finding a job in the city I'm moving to and I wanted to hit him, because who the fuck says something like that (but knowing him, I guess I shouldn't be surprised) - I am prepared to work a job that will suck if it pays the bills and gives me time to study (two days a week, this is an MLS) and do whatever I want.

But yeah, that's where I'm going.

This is what I'm doing.

I've been veering between excited, apprehensive, crying jags and simple rage because I've never done this before.

But I'm ready to go.

Like yesterday, today the first day of the rest of my life.

I'll most likely be without internet the first few days so I won't be around until I'm properly hooked up or find some public wi fi.

See you on the flip side.

feeling excited
hearing Chantal Kreviazuk - Leaving On a Jet Plane
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/559442.html

It's probably significant that I'm writing a navel gazing religion thing post-Days of Awe and Yom Kippur, which this year failed to move me as in previous cycles.

It may have to do with the fact that my outside world stress exacerbated my inner world stress. I'll (very very probably, but nothing is signed yet and until then I'm not willing to say live or die) move out by the end of the month. It's going to be the first time living outside of my parents house other then those six months in the US where I lived with my sisters (and had zero expenses).

I don't have a job lined up yet and university is starting... about the same time I'm setting up shop with my room mate (thank god for her, I don't think I would have managed to do anything if it wasn't for her holding my hand throughout this whole thing).

Add to that a "mild" brain meltdown and it's been fucking peachy.

What's all that got to do with religion? Nothing, really, but it seems a good opportunity to talk about things.

Those of you who read me on a regular basis know that I'm atheist, but I also that being Jewish is an important part of my identity. It's a cultural thing, a history thing... a people thing.

Due to the aforementioned life changes I can't say I felt the liturgy flow over me like it usually does. Not even the best Cantor on earth (the only reason I emerge once a year for Yom Kippur to go to shul - Bar/Bat Mitvahs and baby namings don't count) got me feeling that sense of belonging and history I usually feel on Yom Kippur when I stand with the rest of my family and listen to the whole congregation sing the dirge about removing the promises and vows we made the previous year.

Maybe it was due to being stressed about the fact that I'm a sleep away from sighing a binding contract, or that I'm going heading on an entirely new path, one I was not utterly convinced I was going to be on this year.

I've mentioned the brain meltdown, yes?

Not to mention the fact that politically speaking being Jewish puts me squarely in the bad guy's shoes this time around, what with Muslim and Christian graves desecrated over the holy day weekend.

I'm sure "G-d" approved of that bullshit.

So yeah, my "people".

Not feeling the connection that much lately.

Then again, in a new development The courts approve the registration of "no religion" for author Yoram Kaniuk, which would be grand, if religion was actually stated on our ID cards as "religion". It's not, it is stated under nationality - oh, didn't you know that there's no such thing as an "Israeli" nationality. I think if there was, or if there had been, it would have solved a whole lot of things.

But you know, Jewish demographic panic and all that.

I'm bothered that this is what my Judaism is reduced to, and that it's controlled by a Rabbinical court that, well, hates the idea of me.

Ironically, my Jewishness if far more diaspora like than ever, and me? I was born here and I don't really want to leave - despite the fact that some of my closest friends are telling me to join them when they leave.

*clings*

feeling blank
hearing Tori Amos - Fearlessness
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/555983.html

In about an hour I'll be registering for classes.

I wish the on-line registration made any kind of sense!

Argh!

On the one hand, there aren't that many classes to chose from, because it's a set MLS, which makes the choice (there being none) easier.

On the other hand, it makes picking the electives (of which I have one this year, a language) very taxing, because I would like to get a job once I move to my University town and having a language in the middle of the effing day twice a week is just not on.

I would like to make the politically right choices when it comes to picking a language. I think Arabic would be the best one, so that I can actually communicate with 20% of this country, but they won't tell me when the courses are!
My other choice would be Yiddish, because there's no language like an endangered language! But it coincidences with a Library class.

Add to that the stress of yesterday, I am not really a happy camper. I am in fact in frustration nation!

*sigh*

feeling frustrated
hearing Alanis Morissette - Head Over Feet
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/555240.html

I got a call from the administrative office of library science department at my new Uni.

Registration for classes is in two weeks.

Oh my god.

You guys!

I need to pick classes that will make me a Librarian!

Okay, I just made my heart beat faster and my stomach flip around. This didn't happen when I spoke to the admin herself!

Crikey! I'm going to school!

Again!

Excuse me while I flail and update my Internet Eeechsplorer, because the website doesn't do open effing source (madness, I say).

feeling *FLAIL*
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/552378.html

*Deep breath*

Hi guys.

It has been... a long summer. Putting it mildly.

A lot has happened and in fact not that much at all.

But the main thing that happened to me today was that I handed in my final papers and I have officially finished all the academic obligations for my BA in Literary Theory and Women & Gender studies.

Four years.

I can't believe it's been four years. How does that happen?

Soon, I'll be starting the Library Science program at a different university and I'll be going flat "shopping" with my future room mate who is going to be studying along with me.

I am so sleep deprived, I have no idea if any of the above is even coherent.

Suffice to say, I'm back after a summer of way too much on my plate and I'm here to stay.

I hope you all find a reason to stay as well.

Thank you for sticking around.

<3

feeling accomplished
hearing Def Leppard - Promises
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/550584.html

For the past month, I've written more fiction that I have in the past three years. Perhaps more, I recall the romantic sci-fi novel I wrote when I was 13 and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fanfic Role Play my friend and I co-authored at the time.

Good times.

But over the past month I've written a 18K of an X-Men: First Class and am in the middle of writing a truly challenging Hawaii Five-0 fic, which is being cheerleaded, beta'd and hand-held as it is going along, because it is also the fic that will probably be going on-line soon enough.

It is challenging not only because of the subject matter (which has a huge potential of fail and will probably require fresh eyes of a certain perspective to tell me whether I stuck my foot so deep in my mouth is has come out of my ass), but because I'm writing to readers.

I want people to read me.

This is evident by the fact that I have a public blog and it has been going strong for nearly six years.
Sure it's petered here and there, but at this point, it's because I'm writing fic and writing takes time. I actually hope I manage to finish the first draft at least my mid-week next week because then I have to focus on my academic writing. Of which I still have 12K words to write out!

Oy.

My cheerleader/beta/hand-holder has told me more than once that I'm improving, that I'm learning and that I take criticism very well.

Well, once you've spend four years looking at the Red Pen^tm telling you where you went wrong, why, you tend to not view it as a personal failing, but rather as a challenge to prove that Red Pen^tm that you will do better every time.

So, yeah, I'm becoming awesome under tutelage.

And even if the fic that is teaching me to become a better writer has to be shelved due to fail, it will still probably be a seminal work for me.

So, here's to hoping my Hawaii Five-0 mojo doesn't destroy me!

feeling nervous
hearing K's Choice - Dad
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/549896.html

Apologies for the vague post yesterday, I had many thoughts running around my brain and I really needed to jot down a reminder that they should exorcised at some point.

I have a terrible poker face, or maybe I'm just surrounded by people who know me well enough to read my facial expressions and body language.

On Monday I had a full on neurotic crisis, of such that I called a friend to talk to her about it for 15 minutes, basically repeating myself ad nauseam regarding how terrible I felt when in fact it was my own internalised views of society that made me feel terrible.

For you see, I was once again ( hairy in public )

On top of all that, and this actually puts thing into perspective, kind of; I am finishing my BA in Literary Theory and Women & Gender Studies, and my Future is Now! I am in a very unstable place regarding how I feel about where I think I should go and I (don't know what) want to do, which is no doubt, affecting my emotional reactions to things that really, are on no consequence.

Also, my LJ and DW accounts are expiring in the next week or so! Which makes me sad-ish.

But hey, yesterday a lecturer of mine asked my opinion regarding a course she's making up for the New Students who will have the privilege of studying Women & Gender Studies and that made me feel awesome. Especially because I told her to check out Henry Jenkins and The Society of Friends of the Text, because fan interpretations deserve to be taught in Academia.

feeling busy
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/541509.html

Happy International Woman's Day!

Here's to 100 years of celebrating women!

I spend the day writhing in pain and doing baby/Auntie duty, seeing as I didn't go to work today.

I've been terrible in updating, but I've been terribly swamped with the Semester starting and all, I want to get as many assignments and papers out of the way so that I have a chance to, you know, not work a lot...

None the less I still procrastinate like mad, but I'm meeting deadlines and my profs seem to be happy with my work, so yay!

Other than that, if I wasn't in pain and stressed I think my mind would be better equipped to give y'all an actual update on my life... but gah.

I just want to make sure you're all still around!

I'll try and write something substantial soon.

feeling blank
hearing cat purrs
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/532597.html

So yeah, I haven't been writing here that much for the past couple of weeks.

I've been doing a lot of escapism reading and a lot of activism reading, spreading information regarding the various anti-democratic laws that have passed the Knesset floor, the fact that Human Rights and Anti-Occupation groups are being investigated for absolutely no reason other than to de-legitimise them.

There's a big emergency march in Tel-Aviv today which I'll be attending.

I was also stressing over Uni, because there was some bureaucratic glitch I had no idea what to do about other than spam the head of my department with panicky emails of "Help!" to which she replied "Let it be" and passed my emails on to her dogsbody.

I'm hoping that by the end of this semester (next week) I will be able to say with confidence that next semester is my last.

Once again I'm getting the urge to return to martial arts and now that I have a job that isn't pocket money I may find myself a dojo. I'm keen on Krav Maga because while I loved Kung Fu and it made me flexible (which I'm not any longer) I never felt as though I was able to walk around and properly defend myself.

There's an uprising in Tunisia and I have to say I'm excited about it! The Middle East is never boring and seeing something of this magnitude unfold and affect us all over is amazing.

Also, there's barely been any reporting of it here, only when Former President Ben-Ali fled the country did reports start happening in earnest in local media and no one is saying anything positive. The status quo is trembling.

Meanwhile in these parts democracy, as mentioned, is straining under the crawling weight of fascist legislation and persecution of the Left. I know I've been saying this for years, but dude, it is not on!

Israeli law professor Aeyal Gross traces the decline and strain.

In related News, when I read about Sarah Palin defending her speech-acts (because words affect and like our actions they are accountable) and callously using the phrase "Blood Libel", I couldn't help but wonder - would the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) do anything about it?
Oh, they made a statement, late in the game, in which they Abe Foxeman (chairman of the ADL) said: "we wish that Palin had not invoked the phrase "blood-libel" in reference to the actions of journalists and pundits in placing blame for the shooting in Tucson on others."

Golly.

The ADL isn't willing to toe the line when it comes to Republicans, huh? Can't say I'm shocked as the ADL has always kept sketchy bed-fellows, in the interest of political capital.

Speaking of political capital, the Rabbinical court continues to infringe on freedom of and from religion when it comes to marital and family law and encroaches on divorce in civil marriages which aren't civil unions, but rather marriages that are contracted outside of Israel. Currently, Israel doesn't have a civil court in which marriages can be conducted and no civil union that come in place of marriages - the best we have is common law marriage.

You guys have no idea how much I haven't linked here.

Good luck to you all Down Under and Power to you in Tunisia.

Times they are a changing. We have to make sure they change for the better.

feeling aggravated
hearing Florence + The Machine - Drumming Song
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/528005.html

I got a job!

I'm employed!

I will be getting a salary!

My life as a leisurely student has been dented!

I'm so very pleased, as some of you may know, I've had a hard time keeping jobs, some of it my own fault, some of it utterly crazy employers.

I still recall the secretarial job I had nearly four years ago. I lasted a month and would have probably been able to continue on had it not been for the fact that I basically skipped out every day for nearly week in order to spend time with Neil Gaiman.

I was fired after that week. I have no regrets. My priorities may be skewed, but I was so much happier not to be there. It was also just before my break down following the war, so who knows what would have happened. Well, I broke down in the office really and cried in front of my boss.
Mortifying. Not to mention that much as I enjoy observing the aesthetic of an office space (I'm currently mainlining Mad Men) I think an office job is pretty anathema to me.
I sit at a desk for fun, more than anything. I think sitting at a desk and being at the beck and call of people would drive me insane.

But who knows there's time.

The job I got is a physical one at one of the libraries on campus.

Here's to seeing the end of next month with a job *holds thumbs*.

I also celebrated by getting a hair cut. Wow, so much hair came off, so much weight has been taken off. I don't know why I bother growing it when I love the longest sections (yeah it's layered now) just touching my nape and/or the underside of my chin. I should have got it whacked months ago.

There is political News I'm reading, but choosing to actively ignore. Not particularly good public service, but there you have it.
I've also currently started writing a fic that may be offensive, but I'll have to find a suitable beta that can smack me over the head, at the very least.

Now, back to my cup of coffee before it's too cold.

feeling calm
hearing Pink Floyd - When The Tigers Broke Free
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/519996.html

Well, not really. Just, second day of the Semester and I wonder if I'm going to make it.

I managed to create, without meaning to, a Sunday course schedule in which I have seminar called "Hysteria and Paranoia in the 19th century novel", followed by a course named "The Poetics of Trauma" and I finish off with "Between the Tragic and the Tragedy: A critical theory".

Totally unintentional I swear.

Hilarious, I know.

Once again, my past academic failings have come back to haunt me and I'm taking intro to Sociology and woe I am to read "The Communist Manifesto", again. And Emil Durkheim, again.
I do, however, have the same TA I had last year for Anthropology and that makes me happy as I really enjoyed his exercises.

Tomorrow should be more relaxed, still, an 8:30 class *headdesk*

I met up with

roga yesterday and today and I had really fun talking to her, I may sign up for Yuletide.

Speaking of fannishness!

Two creative women on my f-list,

rm who I have been reading for a while now and

mithrigil who I've started reading recently, are making a musical!
And we get to help them!
You can do so by going to the Kickstarter page of Dogboy and Justine, a new musical about life, love and head injuries.

I'm super excited about this project, because I love off-beat musical theatre and I have a yen for stories of marginalised bodies and sexualities, so when you have a show about dominatrices and nueroatypical brains and minds, this gets the thumbs up.

Not to mention that it's by two women about women.

It's awesome!

rm commented and added a few details about the project, FYI:

In case your readers are curious, the show is 5W, 3M in its current configuration. All the women except one may be cast as any age/race/ethnicity/size (the other has to fit with one of the male characters a certain way). I would also be happy to cast transwomen in any of the roles, and we are also open to women living with disabilities -- although some would fit with the nature of the characters better than others and would not be a plot point.

The 3M may also be cast any any race/ethnicity/size, although age is a specific factor in the casting for at least two of them. While we don't know if it will be possible, we're open to casting neurologically atypical character with a actor living with a relevant disability.

And we have a lesbian romance b-plot!

It's a really affirming show that totally isn't about equality, but because of its setting, lets us really try to provide opportunities for actors who aren't always easy to cast in mainstream theater. The catch? We're determined to make this relatively mainstream theater, without compromise, because we believe that people want to see people like themselves on stage.

feeling excited
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/518929.html

"Israeli academia apparently suffers from 'Palestinomania,' a mild psychological illness whose symptoms include self-hatred, an affinity for Israel's enemies, Jewish anti-Semitism and/or anti-Zionism," Shamalov Berkovich said in the Knesset. "The spread of 'Palestinomania' demands the immediate and painful treatment for all of our sake, and the sooner the better."

From Education minister vows to punish Israeli professors who back academic boycott.

And you Yanks thought your Teabaggers were bad. These are Israel's elected officials talking.

I swear, you don't need political satire to make this shit up.

feeling amused
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/499061.html

Yesterday was the first day of the 10th annual conference of LGBT studies and Queer theory at Tel-Aviv University, An Other Sex. The first panel was the most interesting to me... seeing as it was about Literature. Which is what I do.

( The Sex Conference )

morin stayed up with me all night, proof reading, editing and working on my wording for my Pornography and Slash paper, which I handed in yesterday before the conference.
Zie rocked. I was basically a cheerleader for hir on the chat.

queenmab21 also did some editing for me beforehand. Thank you for being such awesome friends!

It was actually quite amazing to get feedback in real time and to be told that the paper is actually good. That some of my paragraphs were actually beautifully written.

*is heart warmed*

It's not so good that I need to be validated by others, but it feels good to be able to have some tell me, "you're good".

I named the paper: "Torchwood's Slash Fiction: Re-contextualisation as textual continuity as erotic continuity as transgressive text".

Yeah.

6100+ words of me blathering about Slash fiction, Jack/Ianto and how much fun it it.

I'm an aca-fen.

feeling refreshed
hearing Regina Spektor - Samson

I didn't write about my birthday, which was awesome! Let me just say that Simon and Garfunkel tribute duos are a whole lot of fun. 400+ stodgy audience members who don't sing along to the "La la lai" part of "The Boxer" suck.
Seriously, I was singing the loudest there and was the youngest adult by far.

My mother and I sang a duet during "Homeward Bound", because no one else was singing.

But it was lovely. We had a picnic in the park, it was the entire fam - siblings, sibs-in-law, the "babies" (none of them are by now), parental units and little ole' me.

25 years.

Geez Luiz.

I got prezzies too :) none of which are of great interest. Though I shall talk about some of them at a later date as they are fandom related... I think. Pictures of the abstract TARDIS cake forthcoming.

My mother made a cake as well... it was eaten. Quickly and with relish.

It was a good weekend.

Ack!

My paper on Slash and Porn is due on Sunday and it is not done! It's been a few busy days and I'm really going to be pushing the coming couple of days. OMG!
OMG!
OMG!
Going to write now. Will probably write a whole bunch tomorrow and do the final push Wednesday to send it off for proof reading and hopefully to make sure I don't sound like a total idiot!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Relax.
Mel.
You can do this. You write about this stuff all the time.

*deep breaths*
.
.
.
*hyper ventilates*

*sigh*

Going to write.

feeling blank
hearing The Jam - Town Called Malice

Today was full of events and NSFW language!

First my Deleuze & Guattari Seminar prof came into class in the most hideous shirt I've ever seen! Good god, man, why?! Dark forest green with orange leaves, weird grey "blue print" sketches splotched all over.
It was hilarious. I was so distracted. I'm so happy he's compelling in his own right and I could focus on his voice while I stared either at my notepad or the whiteboard.

Then I hung out with friend in which we spoke about eugenics, which always makes me uncomfortable, not just because the subject is disgusting in its own right, but because I have strong associations to Mengele when speaking about race-based genetic research - Josef Mengele is my Boogyman.
Then we stalked other profs we like.
Yes, we're those students.

The highlight was seeing and hearing Michael Cunningham speak about writing. He read us the first chapter of his new book and it has a het sex scene in it. Which was kinda hawt seeing as it was basically a description of a man going down on a woman. I always enjoy hearing the word "clit" in public. He spoke about the female sex organ being either medicalised ("Vagina", blech) or, ya know, just demeaning (if you're not into reclaiming "cunt" or "pussy"), which was great too.

I like Cunningham's work, The Hours is an amazing book and got me looking at Virginia Woolf in a different way and appreciate her even more. I told him so and I even got a bit emotional, it's not every day you meet an author you appreciate and had an affect on your life.

I didn't expect him to be such a large man, then I again, I always imagine myself as much bigger (sometimes I feel like I've got a Hulk wanting to rip out of my skin... but that's when I'm angry... usually I'm simply a huge uber-nerd-geek fangrrl monster).

Last but not least, I had a Sign Language lesson today and got the gumption to ask my instructor how you say "gay" and "lesbian" (she didn't even know what "bisexual" was, so I gave up on "queer") and friend... I knew ISL would be sexist language, after all Hebrew and Arabic are very gendered, but I seriously didn't expect the Signs to be so unabashedly homophobic.

Gah, when she showed me the sign for "gay" I wrinkled my face, for "lesbian" I just burst out laughing... it's so rude! How would you make that Sign in public?!
Any way, I've decided that once I'm a bit more proficient and speak to some Queer Deaf people that there be changes done to those words.
And find out what the words, should they exist, for "bisexual", "queer", "transgender" and other pertinent words for the community.

feeling tired

I started an Israeli Sign Language (isl) course today, that's been arranged by a non-profit and volunteer organisation called Pay it Forward ISL (Hebrew), where there is an attempt to bridge the gap between the Deaf community and the hearing mainstream.
I know there is crap access in Israel, but much to my chagrin I never knew or noticed the outright prejudice against deaf people, our teacher (a very cute 21 year old deaf girl) told us she'd been shooed out of post-offices because the clerk couldn't bother to deal with her.

I was shocked. I suppose I shouldn't have been.

I have a page with the alphabet and a page of words we'll be learning next week.

It was amazing. First we all introduced ourselves and our teacher with the help of a instant translator who won't be with us for the next five lessons (it's only six lessons) helped us think of Signs that is our name in ISL. For me it's easy, 'cause I can just spell out my diminutive name - which is what I'm called mostly any way - but our teacher insisted we have something personal, so now I'm "Book" - 'cause I like reading.

We learned the alphabet, which I need to memorise by next Monday and I also know "How are you?", "What is your name?", "I'm fine" and "My name is..."

Not bad, eh?

I'll keep y'all updated, because one of the things we're meant to do is also raise awareness about deaf issues and accessibility.

I hope I become proficient enough and pass the knowledge on.

feeling calm

First week of the Semester is over.
Wow.

I have some pretty interesting courses. A lot of queer content.
And a course about de Sad and Masoch... how awesome is that?!

There were a bunch of News stories I wanted to link, but damn, I'm tired.

I think, beyond taking boring ass courses in my previous semester, I was - per usual - very badly organised and pretty much unmotivated. I can blame a lot of things, my own lazy ass mainly, other things as well.

Yes, I know, vagueness.

Once again I feel far older than some of my classmates and this time I'm not in any intro classes in which I'm more theoretically advanced. One of my classes is called "Stars in the Closet", which is about Sexual Minority representation in visual media - fun! - and the first class was on Monday - so I heard the same historical introduction to queer theory for the millionth time and the Prof mentioned the sodomy law that was repealed in Israel back in 1988.

Someone asked: "There was a law like that?"

Dear god people. I mean, perhaps I'm biased that I expect straight people to know about laws that are oppressive towards minorities - like we know about the Law of Return (possibly the worst non-policy regarding immigration ever!) regardless, on the one hand, yay, people are surprised we had a law like this and found it ridiculous. On the other hand, there was an act of murder and terror back in August that made me feel a whole lot less safe as a queer person in Israel - supposedly we're stronger... I bet the march in Jerusalem is going to be just as fucked up this year.

I'm digressing.

Also, Purim. I have bad associations with Purim - it either rains or explodes. I've eaten endless Hamentashen, got wet today because it decided to pour, pour, pour buckets on me, on the day I decide not to take an umbrella and wear my new non-water tight shoes.

Not a fan of Purim.

But tomorrow I'm going to a Purim party! Not sure about a costume, but I have a Guy Fawkes mask, so I can do something with that.

So, friends, how was your week?

feeling tired

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Eumelia

January 2020

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V and Justice

V: Ah, I was forgetting that we are not properly introduced. I do not have a name. You can call me V. Madam Justice...this is V. V... this is Madam Justice. hello, Madam Justice.

Justice: Good evening, V.

V: There. Now we know each other. Actually, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time. Oh, I know what you're thinking...

Justice: The poor boy has a crush on me...an adolescent fatuation.

V: I beg your pardon, Madam. It isn't like that at all. I've long admired you...albeit only from a distance. I used to stare at you from the streets below when I was a child. I'd say to my father, "Who is that lady?" And he'd say "That's Madam Justice." And I'd say "Isn't she pretty."

V: Please don't think it was merely physical. I know you're not that sort of girl. No, I loved you as a person. As an ideal.

Justice: What? V! For shame! You have betrayed me for some harlot, some vain and pouting hussy with painted lips and a knowing smile!

V: I, Madam? I beg to differ! It was your infidelity that drove me to her arms!

V: Ah-ha! That surprised you, didn't it? You thought I didn't know about your little fling. But I do. I know everything! Frankly, I wasn't surprised when I found out. You always did have an eye for a man in uniform.

Justice: Uniform? Why I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. It was always you, V. You were the only one...

V: Liar! Slut! Whore! Deny that you let him have his way with you, him with his armbands and jackboots!

V: Well? Cat got your tongue? I though as much.

V: Very well. So you stand revealed at last. you are no longer my justice. You are his justice now. You have bedded another.

Justice: Sob! Choke! Wh-who is she, V? What is her name?

V: Her name is Anarchy. And she has taught me more as a mistress than you ever did! She has taught me that justice is meaningless without freedom. She is honest. She makes no promises and breaks none. Unlike you, Jezebel. I used to wonder why you could never look me in the eye. Now I know. So good bye, dear lady. I would be saddened by our parting even now, save that you are no longer the woman I once loved.

*KABOOM!*

-"V for Vendetta"

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Not Anonymous

Again...

Entries tagged with universe city

There is a choice in feeling guilty

R 'n' R

I am moved in!

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go"

Lost in My Religion

Registering for Classes!

It's actually happening

It's been a while...

Creative Mojo

Un-Vague-ing

She's Still Alive!

Life and the having of it

With regards to employment

Mondays, a bad case of

Palestinomania is a horrible disease

Sex Mongers

Birthdays and Anxiety!

Pretty Good Day

"Hello"

Cathcing up a bit