eumelia | Here Today

It’s been a while since I wrote one of these, so please excuse any flickering of random thoughts and observations that may seem totally disconnected, but I promise they all make sense.

I was spoiled for this episode. ( Spoilers For You )

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feeling chipper
hearing John Grant - It's Easier
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/611916.html

Okay so, my reaction is basically this.

( Spoilers )

Check back later for something a little bit more lengthy and analytical. It won't be now :P

feeling ecstatic
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/611674.html

Hi.

I haven't been around much this week.

I'm sorry if I missed something really important, but I don't think I can go through all the posts in my lists to find out. :/

It's been over a week and a half since I last posted.

The reason I've been absent from here and more on the fast paced and less verbose platforms is because I've been extremely busy and tired and feeling guilty about not writing here lately.

Last week due to the storm and feeling cold all the time, I mainly sat around wrapped in blankets and didn't even acquire any of the shows I'd been following lately, preferring to stare at the television screen in my parents' living room and chat with friends while the noise droned on.

This week I'd just felt overwhelmed and lacking in energy after long days at work. I've been given new responsibilities and a big push professionally and I'm under a lot of pressure, suddenly.

January is a rough month regardless, it being the month in which my cousin passed away last year and a bunch of other horrible things happened and changed the course of 2012 FOREVER.

Fandom has also been giving me angst, I know I don't have to read reactions, and I know I'm not really as isolated as I feel, but I wanted to post meta, I didn't, mainly because I was overwhelmed by feelings about fandom, my place in it, whether I have anything of worth to add to the discourse and even if I do, does anyone care.

Add to that that I'm blocked and I'm not particularly inspired by much of what my fandom has been producing (though hopefully that will change now that the hiatus is over?), that makes me feel even more ill at ease.

Whine whine, whinge whinge. I know.

The thing is, and it had to be pointed out to me while I was moping and at my most pathetic, that I do have a voice and I am participating, but you know, Hawaii Five-0 is a hard fandom for me.

I love the show and I love the friends that I've made, but the fandom... I don't always feel there is a place for multiplicity. I don't feel that marginal voices get the attention and amplification they need and I speak as someone who is a shipper for the main ship (among others).

I was spoiled in previous fandoms. But this also one of the first fandoms in which I participated in beyond a discussion here and there and with meta.

Sometimes it feels like I'm doing fandom wrong. But I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles.

I've been consoling myself by reading Dwarf fanfic. I want a beard.

feeling thoughtful
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/611435.html

A day that will be remembered.

I am finally warm and dry, after spending a day in the rain.

I took a day off from work today and took a day trip up to Jerusalem to stand with 50 other pro-choice women and men who were protesting the fact that the racist pro-life organisation "Efrat" (not linking, as I don't want to give their page any hits. Google is your friend.) was getting an award for their role in "promoting women's rights".

Yeah, promoting their right to dictate what a woman does with her uterus.

In any event, I think I got my crazy feminist card laminated today. I mean, I took a paid day off, on one of the coldest, wettest days of the year, traveled by public transport to a city I hate (the feeling is mutual, I feel), and stood in the hale and got fucking soaked in the name of my right to bodily autonomy and to not be treated like a human incubator.

My sister, bless her batshit crazy brain, came with me. Or I went with her. Either way, we both agreed that if it hadn't been for the other we wouldn't have gone to protest.

Did I mention the hale.

I'm lucky it didn't snow.

My coat was soaked through, as were my boots. My trousers, socks, and shirt. It was a very bedraggled feeling. A sense of continuous dampness from the moment I stepped out of my house, traveled to Jerusalem, and then came back.

I looked so much like a drowned rat, a random woman insisted I take her umbrella saying, "You're going to get wet!"

Lady, I was already wet.

It felt like a day of accomplishments, including the fact that I got home and did the laundry, basically stripping and shoving all the clothes on my back into the washing machine before dashing into the shower. Oh my god, hot water.

A hot shower.

There are a few things that can be truly be considered luxury.

All that was missing was a Slanket. I'm truly pining for one.

But for now, I am basking in the fact that I did good, that my sister and I bonded over feminism, bad weather, Harry Potter, and that I managed to return home in one piece.

Not too shabby, I think.

feeling tired
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/611128.html

I took a deep breath and I watched the rest of the new episode of Bomb Girls.

I regret nothing. I might be a bit sensitive over the the day, but it was worth it.

So worth it. ( Spoiler for episode 2.01 of Bomb Girls )

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feeling contemplative
hearing Howard Shore - The World Is Ahead
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/610885.html

I’m listening to the soundtrack of “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”, and the track of Misty Mountains reminds me of the dirges sung on Yom Kippur in synagogue.

All the voices merging together in grief and memory.

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feeling thoughtful
hearing Howard Shore - Misty Mountains
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/610772.html

Watched the first seven minutes and had to stop when the air raid siren went on.

Because that’s not something I was expecting.

Maybe I should have.

But I wasn’t.

I mean, it’s not like I heard air raid sirens and went down to the shelter at work in November 2012.

Oh wait. I did.

Clearly avoiding spoilers isn’t going to work when it comes to “Bomb Girls”.

Fuck.

I’ll attempt to watch it again later today.

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feeling stressed
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/610449.html

Originally posted on Tumblr.

I have a co-worker, whom I hate. I would say the feeling is mutual, but I suspect she’s too thick to notice.

She’s one of those people who think they’re funny, that they have insight on matters of life, the universe, and other people’s business.

We’re a small group working together, and we work long hours. Obviously, casual talk will commence, especially when many of us have a lot in common - geekery and gayness being some of them.

I’m out as gay at work, on my team there are two other gay guys, and we’re a majority women team (including my boss, who is a woman), so my workplace has been very comfy for me, woman wise and queer wise.

This co-worker has been making my workplace hostile.

Earlier this week one of the parents’ at the office brought their baby to work. He was a big hit among everyone.

Obviously when there’s a baby in the office we start talking about babies, and the having them, or not.

I mentioned that it was fun to play with them, but it was so much more convenient to give them back at the end.

This co-worker said, “well, you’ve said you didn’t want a family so maybe it is better for you.”

Family

I was hurt deeper than I expected. Yes, I’m an out dyke. Yes, I mentioned that I don’t intend to have biological children, or adopt any. That doesn’t mean I don’t want a family.

That I don’t have a family.

I was erased by her words, her mind cannot entertain the idea of a family that isn’t a heterosexual one made out of parents and their children.

This happened days ago and I’m still thinking about it. She isn’t worth my time of day, I know this. I shouldn’t even think about what she said.

And yet, in her eyes, I’m not a real person.

That cuts deeper than anything else.

feeling sleepy
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/610120.html

I guess I should write an end of year something or other. I don't know what to say that would be any kind of proper review.

In the end if I had to classify 2012, it would be "the year nothing went according to plan", because while a whole lot of it sucked and I don't really care to revisit it all that much, a lot of good happened as well.

My youngest nephew was born. He'll be turning one on the 8th. Definitely the best thing of 2012; well done to my brother and my sister-in-law.

I got a job I'm still working at. A job that pays reasonably well and can actually help me advance in my professional life. I didn't think I'd be working in this kind of company ever.

I continued writing, improving with every story. If there's a resolution I'd feel comfortable making, it's in my desire to be more prolific and explore more subjects in my fiction this year. I'd also like to promote actual meta, which I feel is lacking in visibility (and possibly interest).

One thing's for sure, you guys, my lists, my friends, made the past year bearable. Some of you had a year as terrible as mine, some even worse. I know I've neglected many people, here and in other social circles, I am sorry for that, but that's part of the program. You never know what or when life is going to hit you.

In a parallel universe I'm in my second year of grad school and I'll be a librarian. In a different universe I'm working on my book about aunthood while working in some part time job, or maybe the same IT job I have now (though that doesn't give much time to actually write).

In this universe, 2013 has one thing I have definite plans for; a proper holiday. I gotta get out of this country a bit.

Happy New Year.

See you on the flip side.

feeling relieved
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/609842.html

Brilliant movie, it was like coming home after a decade, especially seeing as I went to see it with my brother who forced me to read the books back in the day.

I saw the "Lord of the Rings" back in the day and loved them too.

Though unlike LotR, the Hobbit was like watching a Viking mash-up of the book of Exodus and the Seder Hadaga (as I mentioned on tumblr), the Jewish metaphor was strong.

I'll be seeing it again in a few weeks.

I highly recommend it.

Yeah, I know, usually I have more to say about this sort of thing, but I feel like a proper review will have to wait for next year, because then I'll see how it ends.

Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/609633.html

Still home sick, so before I lose myself in tumblr and twitter and everything else "Hawaii Five-0" here is my meta reaction!

( Spoilers!!! )

feeling excited
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/609453.html

I am ill.

I was pretty incapacitated with fatigue yesterday, mainly sleeping and staring bleary into either space or tumblr (that was what my brain was capable of yesterday).

I took the day off work today and seeing as I am writing this at about a syllable a minute (with typos) I'll be taking a sick day tomorrow as well.

What I hate most about the diseases that give one a heavy head and miserable overall feeling is that that I regress so badly.

It's like, I just want my parents to feel sorry for me and take care of me.

So right now I am nibbling on pretzels (trying not to suffocate because I'm coughing and I don't want to inhale the crunchy things), drinking weak coffee, and hugging a hot water bottle.

I really miss my cat.

And yeah, I've been all weepy for the past two days due to malady and menstruation.

I think I'll take a nap now.

feeling sick
hearing I think the tv is on...
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/609067.html

A few days ago I posted this:

Pick a character I've written and I will explain the top five ideas/concepts/etc I keep in mind while writing that character that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.

I got some requests :) All of which are detailed under their respective cuts. If you want more, don't hesitate to ask!

( Magneto )

( Steve McGarrett )

( Grace Williams )

( Danny Williams )

( Kono Kalakaua )

I had a very hard time picking out only five things for each character, as they each contain multitudes, and I have so much more to say about each of them.

feeling sleepy
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/609006.html

The cuteness!

( Spoils within! )

Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/608457.html

feeling rushed

Via

amadi.

Pick a character I've written and I will explain the top five ideas/concepts/etc I keep in mind while writing that character that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.

feeling calm
hearing Some Jazz in the background
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/608008.html

Title: My Body Is a Cage

Author:

eumelia

Pairing/Characters: Steve/Danny

Rating: NC-17

Spoilers: This is set just before episode 2.09 and is a sequel to

verasteine’s fic The Only Easy Day.

Word Count 5,264

Warnings: Daddy kink and mentions of dubious consent.

Disclaimer: This is a work of transformative fiction, created for fun and pleasure. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Notes: This fic is a present to fandom as part of

fannish_advent. Happy Hanukkah, y’all!

Per usual I could not have done this without my beloved betas,

perspi and

verasteine.

And extra special thank you to Vera who agreed to me writing a sequel for her fic, which you should read (it is linked above) and held my hand all along the rather long and exhausting process of writing and editing this fic.

Thank you, bb.

The title is from the song “My Body Is a Cage” by Arcade Fire, which is stupendously covered by Peter Gabriel, which is the version I listened to on loop as I wrote.

Summary: Steve is blind to the power of his own yielding.

--

( Danny tries not to resent the fact that he’s crashing on someone’s couch )

feeling nervous
hearing Peter Gabriel - The Book of Love
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/607802.html

kouredios/

kouredios is trying to revive LJ and DW fandom and is hosting a friending meme just for that!

Check it out on Dreamwidth and Livejournal.

My threads on here and here.

Join the fun!

feeling excited
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/607495.html

How is it Friday already? Time rushed by this week, but also not, it felt very very long and I don't really know why.

It was kind of a crummy week at work, I felt my boss' disappointment in me, but I hope I made up for it by working extra hard yesterday.

Still, I don't really want to care all that much about work, it's not the thing that gives me meaning in life, though I do spend the majority of my life in that office, and it helps when you do enjoy it.

Which I am. A lot. I also like the majority of my co-workers, but argh... it was a crummy week.

Unaided, maybe, by the fact that I really did my best to do as much editing as I could on the fic for

fannish_advent/

fannish_advent tomorrow and only finished it, like, minutes ago.

It's now with the beta again. My stories still need another once over before I feel confident to let the public see them.

It's really all about you, people.

As usual, on weeks where work consumes me as well as writing projects (of which I don't have that many much to the dismay of ideas banging at my brain) time seems to slip though fingers.

Add to that that tomorrow I've got a family Hanukkah gathering, because you know, it's a holiday and we love the holidays that includes scarfing on fried food, lighting fires (candles, but same-same) and getting chocolate money. I don't begrudge the fact that I've got my family around this week, but it's like I never have time to myself.

Except today where I spent all my time drinking coffee, eating chocolate and cheese, and flailing at my fic.

That was my day. And my week. Same all when you think about it.

I'm so glad it's been boring for me (don't ask me about local politics).

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feeling contemplative
hearing Joni Mitchell - Willy
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/607419.html

So. That happened.

( Where to Spoil )

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feeling busy
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/607125.html

I recently mainlined all 6 episodes of this utterly brilliant, fantastic, feminist and queer show.

"Bomb Girls" is the story of women working a Canadian munitions factory in the early 1940's during the second world war.

It has very high production value, it's well paced and written (a few blunders here and there which has mainly to do with the male characters - which is a novelty!) and it has an actual facts lesbian character!

OMG! I'm in love with this show it gives me all the feels!

However, like with many female centred shows its fandom is teeny tiny!

Help me fangirls, you're my only hope!

Send me your comms, your tumblrs, rec me the fics! I need me some Betty/Kate love now!

Thank you!

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feeling excited
Crossposts: http://eumelia.livejournal.com/606724.html

Profile

Eumelia

January 2020

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V and Justice

V: Ah, I was forgetting that we are not properly introduced. I do not have a name. You can call me V. Madam Justice...this is V. V... this is Madam Justice. hello, Madam Justice.

Justice: Good evening, V.

V: There. Now we know each other. Actually, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time. Oh, I know what you're thinking...

Justice: The poor boy has a crush on me...an adolescent fatuation.

V: I beg your pardon, Madam. It isn't like that at all. I've long admired you...albeit only from a distance. I used to stare at you from the streets below when I was a child. I'd say to my father, "Who is that lady?" And he'd say "That's Madam Justice." And I'd say "Isn't she pretty."

V: Please don't think it was merely physical. I know you're not that sort of girl. No, I loved you as a person. As an ideal.

Justice: What? V! For shame! You have betrayed me for some harlot, some vain and pouting hussy with painted lips and a knowing smile!

V: I, Madam? I beg to differ! It was your infidelity that drove me to her arms!

V: Ah-ha! That surprised you, didn't it? You thought I didn't know about your little fling. But I do. I know everything! Frankly, I wasn't surprised when I found out. You always did have an eye for a man in uniform.

Justice: Uniform? Why I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. It was always you, V. You were the only one...

V: Liar! Slut! Whore! Deny that you let him have his way with you, him with his armbands and jackboots!

V: Well? Cat got your tongue? I though as much.

V: Very well. So you stand revealed at last. you are no longer my justice. You are his justice now. You have bedded another.

Justice: Sob! Choke! Wh-who is she, V? What is her name?

V: Her name is Anarchy. And she has taught me more as a mistress than you ever did! She has taught me that justice is meaningless without freedom. She is honest. She makes no promises and breaks none. Unlike you, Jezebel. I used to wonder why you could never look me in the eye. Now I know. So good bye, dear lady. I would be saddened by our parting even now, save that you are no longer the woman I once loved.

*KABOOM!*

-"V for Vendetta"

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Not Anonymous

Again...

Here Today

[Hawaii Five-0] Episode 3.14 "Hana I WaʻIa" Meta

[Hawaii Five-0] Episode 3.14 "Hana I WaʻIa" Reaction

knock knock

Haling Down On Me!

"It's Disgusting. And it's a lie."

My Viking Dwarf Jews

Bomb Girls 2.01

Microaggressions Cut Deep

Good Riddance

Saw "The Hobbit"

[Hawaii Five-0] Episode 3.11 "Kahu" Reaction

Status report...

Writing Meme Answers!

[Hawaii Five-0] Episode 3.10 "Huakaʻi Kula" Reaction

Writing Meme!

[Hawaii Five-0] Fic: "My Body Is a Cage"

PSA!

Where did the week go?

[Hawaii Five-0] Episode 3.09 "Ha'awe Make Loa" Meta

Bomb Girls