Tolerance is not Fantasy

[eumelia]

Yesterday I went to FantasyCon, the one day summer Convention, the theme was Romance and Love in sci-fi and fantasy, seeing as it fell on the week of Tu b'Av, which is basically the Jewish Valentine Day.

I really needed it.

I wore my Torchwood t-shirt (with Jack and Ianto), there was a lecture on sub-textual romance in Doctor Who (pre-Eccleston... 'Ship wars are woe), which was great and I ended up talking a bunch with the lecturer who is writing her PhD (I think) on the Doctor Who.

I love academic geeks... my people.

There was also a really good lecture on Slash and the way it enables us to appropriate characters and content of media that isn't really representative of, well, us.

The atmosphere of the Con, despite the cosplayers and decorations and the baby Dalek on the floor, was quite sombre because of the shooting last Saturday night. There is a huge amount of intersection between the Con-going audience and participants and the LGBT community. One of the reasons I never felt, until I went to Uni, that I needed a queer community was because I had one in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy community.

I finally broke down and cried quite a lot when I spoke to morin, who I've been friends with since I was in the third grade and who is my BFF. We hung out before we went to the different lectures we had planned and eventually we began to talk about how much it sucked here.
Zie and hir partner have been talking about leaving Israel for a while now, but the past few months since Netanyahu took office and last Saturday being the last straw in a lot of ways, hir saying that really brought it home for me.
I can't think of anything that really good here.
And I started crying.
morin, having known me for such a long time (and possibly being a telepath) came prepared and gave me a bunch of tissues.
I got a bunch of hugs after by many people... a crying Mel is a very miserable looking Mel.
avgboojie even gave me a tentacle filled hug, simply because I hijacked her Cthulhu plushy.

[Southern!Girl] is staying over and I spoke to her about how I felt. Really, this is a very visceral feeling, wanting to say "fuck it", get my degree and fucking leave.
I don't know of any place which is that much better, that I can imagine building a new home in.
I've thought about living elsewhere for a while, being a part of a different place at some point, but I always thought that I'd come back here and live here and just be here.

I'm not wanted here.

Israel is basically a unique blend of the USA and Iran and I feel very little hope for that mix.

I don't know how much more I can tolerate not being tolerated. In this place that I can only see as a negation of everything my parents hoped it would be when they chose to leave South Africa.

Comments

[gonzo21.livejournal.com]

Yes, many places in Europe are far more tolerant. London, Brighton, etc... I mean, nowhere is good, by any stretch of the imagination. But at least say here in the UK, I don't think anybody in the lgbt community would say they don't feel as if the police are on their side anymore.

Its come on a long way in the last 20 years or so.