Tolerance is not Fantasy

[eumelia]

Yesterday I went to FantasyCon, the one day summer Convention, the theme was Romance and Love in sci-fi and fantasy, seeing as it fell on the week of Tu b'Av, which is basically the Jewish Valentine Day.

I really needed it.

I wore my Torchwood t-shirt (with Jack and Ianto), there was a lecture on sub-textual romance in Doctor Who (pre-Eccleston... 'Ship wars are woe), which was great and I ended up talking a bunch with the lecturer who is writing her PhD (I think) on the Doctor Who.

I love academic geeks... my people.

There was also a really good lecture on Slash and the way it enables us to appropriate characters and content of media that isn't really representative of, well, us.

The atmosphere of the Con, despite the cosplayers and decorations and the baby Dalek on the floor, was quite sombre because of the shooting last Saturday night. There is a huge amount of intersection between the Con-going audience and participants and the LGBT community. One of the reasons I never felt, until I went to Uni, that I needed a queer community was because I had one in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy community.

I finally broke down and cried quite a lot when I spoke to morin, who I've been friends with since I was in the third grade and who is my BFF. We hung out before we went to the different lectures we had planned and eventually we began to talk about how much it sucked here.
Zie and hir partner have been talking about leaving Israel for a while now, but the past few months since Netanyahu took office and last Saturday being the last straw in a lot of ways, hir saying that really brought it home for me.
I can't think of anything that really good here.
And I started crying.
morin, having known me for such a long time (and possibly being a telepath) came prepared and gave me a bunch of tissues.
I got a bunch of hugs after by many people... a crying Mel is a very miserable looking Mel.
avgboojie even gave me a tentacle filled hug, simply because I hijacked her Cthulhu plushy.

[Southern!Girl] is staying over and I spoke to her about how I felt. Really, this is a very visceral feeling, wanting to say "fuck it", get my degree and fucking leave.
I don't know of any place which is that much better, that I can imagine building a new home in.
I've thought about living elsewhere for a while, being a part of a different place at some point, but I always thought that I'd come back here and live here and just be here.

I'm not wanted here.

Israel is basically a unique blend of the USA and Iran and I feel very little hope for that mix.

I don't know how much more I can tolerate not being tolerated. In this place that I can only see as a negation of everything my parents hoped it would be when they chose to leave South Africa.

Comments

[stateofwonder.livejournal.com]

Come to Canada? Or Europe, maybe? Everywhere has its problems, obviously, and Israel will always be home. But it's so hard living in an environment where you're not accepted. And you never know -- maybe living abroad will prompt you to go back at some point, and that's something you will always be able to do should you so choose.

*big hugs*

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Canada is definitely an option I've been thinking about (despite the insane weather!).
And yes, you're right, I can always come back after (unless in really will turn into a theocracy).

*bug hugs*

[stateofwonder.livejournal.com]

The weather grows on you, really!

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

YES, come to Canada. The weather is something to get used to. Marriage options are pretty good. :P

[gonzo21.livejournal.com]

Yes, there is much to be said for all the clever bright tolerant creative people just getting the hell out, and going to countries which will be more tolerant. Where there voices for change and progressive thought will be heeded more.

I mean, it's not great anywhere, but at least its not like that.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

In Israel we call it the "Fleeing Minds"... when in a lot of ways it's also "fleeing hearts".

*sigh*

I know it's not great anywhere, but some places are better than others.

[gonzo21.livejournal.com]

Yes, many places in Europe are far more tolerant. London, Brighton, etc... I mean, nowhere is good, by any stretch of the imagination. But at least say here in the UK, I don't think anybody in the lgbt community would say they don't feel as if the police are on their side anymore.

Its come on a long way in the last 20 years or so.

[shelestel.livejournal.com]

You could take a break, anyway. Like teach English somewhere for a while or something. For me taking a break was good, but I see myself trying to return.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I'm planning to get a certificate in something after I finished my degree so that I'm qualified in something other than in a BA of Useless Studies in the High-Tech focused economy.

So, yeah.

[hemlock-sholes.livejournal.com]

I can tell you that what High-Tech needs is more people with critical thinking facilities and not necessarily people who are good at maths/like gadgets.

Your degree may not qualify you directly, but it means that if you do choose to go that way, you'll probably do well.

[sadie-sabot.livejournal.com]

Israel is basically a uniqe blend of the USA and Iran and I feel very little hope for that mix.

wow. that's really intense.

You do know, right, that the pro-zionists who always come to heckle and disrupt any pro palestine thing here target those of us who they read as queer and scream at us that israel is the only safe place for queers in the middle east? Lately I've been fantasizing about slapping certain of them in the face with recent headlines.

anyway, I'm sorry, what a sucky way to feel.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Yeah...

Thanks, I'm feeling a bit better, but really... still feeling like there's very little hope here in multiple ways.

[danamaree.livejournal.com]

Well, youŕe always welcome to come visit me in Brisbane, Australia, if you want to scope out possible places that you would consider moving to. I can't say that Australia is free of racism, sexism and homophobia. But itś generally a free society, and we are considerably more secular then the United States. And Brisbane is nice, sub-tropical. But the other cities aren't bad either, that is, if you like the cold (with Melbourne and sometimes Sydney). It's very peaceful here. Our Government is spectacularly dull compared to other democracies, possibly with the exception of New Zealand.

But some advice, I find the longer you wait, the less likely it is that you will move. If you want to move, no matter where it is in the world, do it sooner, it will be much easier to make the break and handle the culture shock. And culture shock isn't easy.

[geekosaur]

Wasn't so long ago that you had a very worrisome PM.

(Meanwhile, in the US, conservative thugs are out of control. I'm seriously beginning to plan emergency escape scenarios. Said conservative thugs waving swastikas doesn't help.)

[danamaree.livejournal.com]

The swing pendulum of politics, it wasn't so long ago that the US had a more conservative Government, New Zealand currently has a conservative Government, same as Canada. But even under Howard our Government was still far more socially liberal then the United States, religion and abortion aren't political issues in our country as much as it is in the United States (even now).

Our current Government is just right of centre, but almost all Western Governments are centre right, and usually somewhat socially conservative. The Australian Government will never be as liberal as I want it to be, as long as I live. But there are far worst places to live, I only have to look north, Indonesia, Malaysia and China to see how damn lucky I am.

I think there is a possibility that the Government will swing again slightly to the Conservative side in a couple of more terms, but I doubt it will be as Conservative as Howard, little steps, progress comes slowly.

[st-aurafina.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It's a very scary thing to consider.

But you'd be welcome out here with the cows and the mud! I think you'd probably find it a bit dull after a very short time, but then you could give Melbourne a try. It's not too bad, as things go. But quite cold in winter.

*hugs again*

[bitter-moss.livejournal.com]

Much luck in finding a place to belong. Home will always be home, but you do need to feel safe & accepted where you live <3.