Had these things been published in The Onion

Feb. 20th, 2008 07:43 pm
eumelia: (Default)
[personal profile] eumelia
But they were not.
Which is a shame, because they are so pitiful they don't need to be parodied.

#1 Will the stupidity know no end! Were there a GD who actually smacked His/Her/Its followers upside the head. The whole region from Southern Lebanon to Southern Israel has been experiencing tectonic shifting - earthquakes that is - there was quite a big one on Friday where Mummy and I ran under a door way, it wasn't that hard, but still left my knees a bit wobbly.
Those people who are somewhat detached from reality* are trying to find metaphysical reasons why this is happening in the Holy Land.
Obviously, the gays are causing the earthquakes.
Yup, there's the sounds, rational reasoning I like to find in my leadership (well, obviously not mine-mine, I'm not considered a whole human, being a woman and a queer one to boot).

#2 Ahmadinejad is continuing his paranoid anti-Israel rhetoric. Israel is a germ spreading the vileness of the West in the Middle East. Oh, that's nice, real mature Mahmoud, way to show a fraction of sanity one would imagine a statesman should posses.
Then again he was always rabid. I wonder if he's aware of the fact that by bombing Israel with the A-Bomb, he'd end up murdering a huge amount of his Palestinian brethren... those dictators never do think of that little glitch do they.

Yes, these are serious News articles.
No, I'm not laughing because I'm too busy mocking!

*Not all religious people are detached from reality... only those in government.
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January 2020

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V and Justice

V: Ah, I was forgetting that we are not properly introduced. I do not have a name. You can call me V. Madam Justice...this is V. V... this is Madam Justice. hello, Madam Justice.

Justice: Good evening, V.

V: There. Now we know each other. Actually, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time. Oh, I know what you're thinking...

Justice: The poor boy has a crush on me...an adolescent fatuation.

V: I beg your pardon, Madam. It isn't like that at all. I've long admired you...albeit only from a distance. I used to stare at you from the streets below when I was a child. I'd say to my father, "Who is that lady?" And he'd say "That's Madam Justice." And I'd say "Isn't she pretty."

V: Please don't think it was merely physical. I know you're not that sort of girl. No, I loved you as a person. As an ideal.

Justice: What? V! For shame! You have betrayed me for some harlot, some vain and pouting hussy with painted lips and a knowing smile!

V: I, Madam? I beg to differ! It was your infidelity that drove me to her arms!

V: Ah-ha! That surprised you, didn't it? You thought I didn't know about your little fling. But I do. I know everything! Frankly, I wasn't surprised when I found out. You always did have an eye for a man in uniform.

Justice: Uniform? Why I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. It was always you, V. You were the only one...

V: Liar! Slut! Whore! Deny that you let him have his way with you, him with his armbands and jackboots!

V: Well? Cat got your tongue? I though as much.

V: Very well. So you stand revealed at last. you are no longer my justice. You are his justice now. You have bedded another.

Justice: Sob! Choke! Wh-who is she, V? What is her name?

V: Her name is Anarchy. And she has taught me more as a mistress than you ever did! She has taught me that justice is meaningless without freedom. She is honest. She makes no promises and breaks none. Unlike you, Jezebel. I used to wonder why you could never look me in the eye. Now I know. So good bye, dear lady. I would be saddened by our parting even now, save that you are no longer the woman I once loved.

*KABOOM!*

-"V for Vendetta"

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