A Year in Perspective

[eumelia]

We are currently in what a year ago was a part of the Second Lebanon War.

Those of you who followed this blog since know it's been a rough year for me, probably the crappiest I've ever experienced, since you can't really count the roller coater hormone rides of teenage life truly crappy. At least mine weren't.
I envy people who had the worst time in their lives during their teens; that can be put behind and one can move past that.

I still think about the War, it changed me profoundly, some for the better, mainly for the worst. It made me an extreme person, more than I was before. It made me a whole lot more angry, it changed my view on people and why people do what they do in general.

I remember the exact date, day, it was afternoon, I remember crying to Daddy for almost an hour, going back to the army the day after and be bleary eyed and working on auto-pilot, feeling abandoned and tired.
Wanting to go home, unable to abandon the people who needed me at that time.
Later on I knew I would never be able to serve in the Army again, my faith and trust in the Army (the Generals to be precise) was blown away with the man I saw die.
Did I ever tell?
Write about it?
I was looking through the tags found this post where I mention seeing it and the two linked posts allude to it, but nothing explicit.
What am I supposed to do? Trying to visualise it is... well a nightmare.
I spoke to my therapist about and almost cried, again.
I hate this fucked up feeling.
I'm sick of it.
Not two days ago I was having the time of my life, nothing was bad except a few parts in "Harry Potter 7" and now it's a year's anniversary to the death of a man whose name I don't know (nor do I care to find out) whose goal in life was to kill Israeli's and I can't stop caring!
I hate this.
A lot.

But tomorrow I'm going to Fantasy-Con where I'll see "Fraggle Rock" and buy Comic Books and all will be... a little bit better.

In addition, the genocide in Darfur must be stopped.

וכמו כן, צריך לעצור את רצח העם בדרפור.

Comments

[tamara-russo.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

[angeleyes1701.livejournal.com]

*hug* This too shall pass. Time dulls all pains.

I will be an Fantasy Con tomorrow too, for Boojie's production.

[hagar-972.livejournal.com]

it's a year's anniversary to the death of a man whose name I don't know (nor do I care to find out) whose goal in life was to kill Israeli's and I can't stop caring!

You summed it all up in one sentence.

If you can't find a way to reconcile the two halves you'll have to chose... Personally, I hope you'll find a way to hold both sides of the contradiction.

[antongarou.livejournal.com]

*Hug*