Not Anonymous

I saw this over on a few journals, and I thought, why not?

The problem with LJ and DW: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

There maybe some subjects I won't answer, because you know, we all have our differing degrees of privacy and such, but I'll try to answer everything to the best of my abilities!

Apologies for the vague post yesterday, I had many thoughts running around my brain and I really needed to jot down a reminder that they should exorcised at some point.

I have a terrible poker face, or maybe I'm just surrounded by people who know me well enough to read my facial expressions and body language.

On Monday I had a full on neurotic crisis, of such that I called a friend to talk to her about it for 15 minutes, basically repeating myself ad nauseam regarding how terrible I felt when in fact it was my own internalised views of society that made me feel terrible.

For you see, I was once again ( hairy in public )

On top of all that, and this actually puts thing into perspective, kind of; I am finishing my BA in Literary Theory and Women & Gender Studies, and my Future is Now! I am in a very unstable place regarding how I feel about where I think I should go and I (don't know what) want to do, which is no doubt, affecting my emotional reactions to things that really, are on no consequence.

Also, my LJ and DW accounts are expiring in the next week or so! Which makes me sad-ish.

But hey, yesterday a lecturer of mine asked my opinion regarding a course she's making up for the New Students who will have the privilege of studying Women & Gender Studies and that made me feel awesome. Especially because I told her to check out Henry Jenkins and The Society of Friends of the Text, because fan interpretations deserve to be taught in Academia.

One of my favourite people and very good friend in a budding photographer.

This evening I sat in a coffee shop with her and another friend.

I, not being shy, was photographed by her.

She even touched me up in Photoshop!

Apparently, I was thinking about my cat, Wish, who is old and has a cough...

( Picture cut )

Her Tumblr is Tutness.

Check her out, she's awesome.

Not because of the events themselves. One of the things I enjoy about facebook is seeing all the things I don't have time to do or I'm too lazy to attend fly by and be spoken about by those who did go and enjoy themselves.

I'm going to an events I found on Facebook this evening, hopefully accompanied by a friend, but also maybe not.

I'm going to listen to a panel at the Tel-Aviv LGBT Centre regarding the discriminatory paragraph on the blood donor's restriction guidelines. As with the rest of most Western countries in the world Israel also restricts gay men and men who have sex with men from donating blood due to being a "risk group" for HIV/AIDS.

So, I'll be going this evening to hear a panel on the subject. The speakers are going to be a representative from the QUILBAG outreach branch of the Israel AIDS task force, a researcher from an education and youth organisation movement and the chair of the MADA (the Red Star of David, our version of the Red Cross/Crescent) blood bank.

I'm looking forward to it, as a regular donor and queer person, it's one of my regular peeves that I talk about when discussing institutionalised homophobia and an issue I try to discuss with the blood technicians; most of the time they're like "we're just doing our job, we have no control over policy" which is fair, but irritating and sometimes I actually manage to have an interesting discussion with some of them (usually women technicians) and during one of those conversations I was told that the Israeli policy is part of a world wide policy recommended by the Red Cross - something I'd not known at the time (this was about three years ago, I think).

It's worth starting discussions with people who poke you with needles, I say.

In any event, yesterday, I posted the event on Facebook and put out a general request of "who's coming with me?".

The discussion that transpired irritated me to the level of KEY-BOARD-SMASH!!!!!!.

I'll spare you the details as they're not that important and interesting. Not to mention, they're in Hebrew. However, there was something that was written that made me double take and got my ears roaring.

There was agreement (total, I might add) that the restrictive paragraph was discriminatory and wrong, but the gay community (at this point we were talking about gay men specifically, because they're the group that's eschewed from being able to donate) contributes to its image.
Meaning?
That there is a culture of casual sex and one night stands in the gay community that isn't as widespread like in straight culture - casual sex and one night stands create a higher risk of infection.

My mind, it was blown. My blood, it was boiling.

I tried, really really hard to explain, why that kind of statement is homophobic and victim blaming. No dice and this discussion went on for hours on and off. It even went on to say that some women are to blame for sexism.

Fucking hell.

Now, the thing is, the person saying all that, I don't know 'em very well, but I like 'em and they like me as well and we're becoming friends and the discussion itself is interesting, but I'm finding it very hard to keep an even keel and cool head in light of this espousing of bullshit.

Hence the aforementioned KEY-BOARD-SMASH!!!!!!.

Facebook is stress causing in this case. I can tell you that if someone had said this crap to my face in person I'm pretty sure I would have thrown something heavy at that person's head.
And left the room with a door slam.
I'm dramatic that way (my officer's nick name for me during my Army service was Melodrama).

I know I haven't given y'all nearly enough info regarding what was actually said in the discussion for you to actually have an opinion on who was right, but honestly, I don't care.

I'm sick and tired of being in a position in which the basic humanity of individuals of a certain group needs to be proven as actually worth while, existent and ratified. Especially when I'm the company of so-called straight allies and friends - yeah, in case it wasn't obvious, the person I was commenting back and forth with is straight - there was another participant and their input didn't make want to, once again, KEY-BOARD-SMASH!!!!!!.

I think I'll go check if I have company this evening.

Ever since I asked you peeps to tell me what you'd like to read from me, one subject has taken over my brain and I've been trying to articulate it for days in my mind.

It's a personal subject that involves an ongoing history and self-perception. Some of that history makes several people in my life look bad and me look even worse. But that's how the cookie crumbles I suppose.

The story of how I came out as queer (first as bisexual, though that word seriously does not suit me, but it's the only one I've got) is an ongoing project.

It is something, I assume, will continue to happen for the rest of my life.

When I was 15 and came out to some family members I thought that would be the end of it. Then one family member told me to be quiet about it and not mention it ever again (well, not in those words, but that's how it felt at the time). You'd think my monthly excursions to the local "Rocky Horror Picture Show" would be a clue - hell, I played Magenta a couple of times on stage and memorably, the Red Door (yeah, I was playfully accosted by the Eddie at the time... it was hilarious).

In any event, ten years ago, I thought that if I came out that's it. I'm done. Everyone would know and I'd never have to talk about it ever again.

God, I was so naive. Beyond naive. Effing clueless. ( Cut for length and some frank discussion of sex )

This ended up way more convoluted than I intended. Hopefully it made sense to you all. Questions and requests for clarification are welcome!

I had a massage this morning.

It was the first professional massage in my life.

Oh my god, I could do with one everyday if I could get away with it and not feel hedonistic a la the Last Days of Rome. And if I had the cash, of course, but that's another matter entirely.

I went with made by queenmab21 and made by morin to a spa treatment this morning (obscenely early!) because we missed queenmab21's wedding due to us being on holidays with our families on the date of the celebration, so I hope this made up for it a bit.

We had a lovely time in the darkened room and had a very refreshing breakfast.

I love you both so much!

But dude, the ( massage itself )

Glorious pressure and glorious pain.

I've never felt so luxurious, I swear.

I've been staring at this page forever, the cursor mocking me with my inability to write a recap of yesterday's events.

I suppose it was because the actual event was, thankfully uneventful.

There was one counter demo at the march itself, in which Itamar Ben-Gvir and Baruch Marzel, easily the most disgusting specimens of humanity Israeli society has to offer came with signs reading "Holyland not Homoland" as we marched by.
If you are interested, you can read some of their hate speech and incitement here.

But we were safe, because the police (despite some asshattery earlier this month regarding the route to the Knesset) are very serious about the security. Now, I trust the police about as far as I can throw them (meaning, I don't) and it's really due to the fact that the Pride March in Jerusalem gets more threats than any other political march in the city - my sister, who is a Jeruselamite (of many years) was surprised at the fact that there weren't people on the sidelines hurling insults or worse. I explained that ever since the stabbing in 2005, the security had been upped. Not to mention that Pride is not an explicitly Leftist event and doesn't invite that kind of political ire from its opposers.

I, per usual, marched with the Reds :) along with Yael, tamara_russo, my sister (who next year will be bringing her husband and kids) and I saw my friend S and it was awesome.

There were great speeches in the pre-march events, an open stage for anyone who had something say, so there were many talks from grassroots activists, the kink community, the bi/pan community, the anarchists, the communists, an anonymous letter from a religious gay man... it was very heart warming.

As I've previously mentioned, this is the first time we marched to the Knesset, and it felt profound and meaningful. Which is how I felt during the Radical march back in June in Tel-Aviv and didn't feel during the Municipal march in Tel-Aviv - that's a carnival and has lost the political power it once held. I don't know how I feel about marching in the Municipal Tel-Aviv march considering the fact that Tel-Aviv is constantly used to pinkwash Israeli society - while we're called filth and animals everywhere else.

This was doubly clear at the Memorial rally held after the march in the Knesset rose garden in honour of Nir Katz and Liz Trobishi (z"l) which the 1st of August marks the year anniversary of their murder. Nir Katz's mother, Ayala, became a pivotal figure in the community, becoming the chairwoman on Tehila (the Israeli version of Parents and Friends and of [QUILTBAG] people) and she gave a very moving speech.

We were told that the Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was "supposed" to send a letter for the community, but didn't get a chance to sign it. Tsipi Livny delivered a letter, which I don't appreciate thanks, seeing as gays are seen as nothing more than fodder for tourists, at best.
Gay and out MK Nitzan Horowitz gave a very passionate (and loud) speech and stated pretty blatantly that the other members of Knesset sucked when it came to policy concerning queers.
So, yeah.

My sister and I left after his speech and missed the (so I've heard) surreal speech by former Speaker of the Knesset and author Avrum Burg, who is a religious man and upholds universal values of human and civil rights and spoke about reconciling those with religion.

I spoke to my sister about the Statement of Principles I mentioned yesterday (LJ/DW) which is obviously connected to the whole reconciling of religion and homosexuality. And she said it's better than sitting Shiva on the child and mentioned that at least like this they can still have a place.
"Men" I said, as the Statement is very much tilted towards the male experience, despite the fact that gay women are mentioned, it's clear that the only people "really" affected are men, because there is this disbelief surrounding female desire towards sex that doesn't involve a penis belonging to a man.
My sister said that possibly being an unmarried woman in traditional Orthodox society is the worst position, because there really is no place.

Call me crazy. But to me this means traditional Orthodox society is just not the place to be if you're gay. Also, traditional orthodox people need to stop being bigoted ass-holes.

Just sayin'.

Yes, it is better not to sit Shiva over your child, just like common-law marriage is better than having no partner rights whatsoever.

So, yeah.

Here are some pictures, all taken by tamara_russo. Thank you babe, for being there with me!
( I'm cute )

To the Anon who purchased me a year's worth of DW paid account,

Thank you so very much!

I still don't know what I've done to deserve a gift of this kind, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

Thank you Anon,

Very much.

With lots of fondness,

Mel.

A little back story to this anecdote. I hang out with a certain a couple of girls on campus, they are a few years younger than I, due to this and my own youthful appearance people sometime mistake me for being a few younger than my actual 25 years of age.

The story begins thus. There is a guy I and the aforementioned girls know. He's a bit rough around the edges and delights in being rude. I've managed, by rule of my iron fist, to cease his borderline offensive behaviour and he ends up pretty entertaining otherwise.

This week I was hanging out on campus with him sans the other girls. We were talking about this and that and the conversation turned serious and we began discussing the fact that we are both students of the Humanities without much skills. I mentioned I was planning on doing Library Studies at some point and said:
"I'm dreading the Statistics I have to learn!"

He replies: "Nah, statistics is easy"

I say: "No, no it's not. I matriculated with the lowest amounts of points I could with math so that I could get a good grade... seven years ago!"

He looks surprised: "What, you're 25?!"

I think he's silly: "Yeah and you're 26, how old did you think I was!?"

He says, slightly embarrassed: "I thought you were the same age as [the aforementioned younger girls]".

I reply jokingly*: "Didn't you ever wonder why I was more mature than them?"

He says, utterly seriously: "I thought it was because you're a Lesbian".

Many LOLZ!

Yay Pride!

* Tinged with ageism. Guilty.

Yesterday was the first day of the 10th annual conference of LGBT studies and Queer theory at Tel-Aviv University, An Other Sex. The first panel was the most interesting to me... seeing as it was about Literature. Which is what I do.

( The Sex Conference )

morin stayed up with me all night, proof reading, editing and working on my wording for my Pornography and Slash paper, which I handed in yesterday before the conference.
Zie rocked. I was basically a cheerleader for hir on the chat.
queenmab21 also did some editing for me beforehand. Thank you for being such awesome friends!

It was actually quite amazing to get feedback in real time and to be told that the paper is actually good. That some of my paragraphs were actually beautifully written.

*is heart warmed*

It's not so good that I need to be validated by others, but it feels good to be able to have some tell me, "you're good".

I named the paper: "Torchwood's Slash Fiction: Re-contextualisation as textual continuity as erotic continuity as transgressive text".

Yeah.

6100+ words of me blathering about Slash fiction, Jack/Ianto and how much fun it it.

I'm an aca-fen.