Another two days gone by

[eumelia]

By sheer (and good or bad, depending how you look at it) luck I got my off day on a Saturday.

I no longer listen to the news, when it's on I switch it off, when my parents ask e to translate I leave the room to read a book, when the radio has an "emergency announcement" I listen to silence.
Listening to the news reports things that I in some way already know since I'm in the think of things and have no need to know what is going on through civilian eyes (yes, I do feel I'm back in active service, the work is intese and never-fucking-ending). I also don't want to know how many missiles have hit Quiriyat Shmona, Zfat, Aker, Haifa or any other northern town, all that tells me, is that in some way, I failed to do my job properly and it just makes me feel guilty and when I feel guilty I wallow.
I don't have that privilege.
And seeing as I am not updated on current events I don't really know how many of our ground troupes have been injured, killed or God forbid kidnapped. I also don't know how many more Lebanese civilians we have injured and killed, how many more homes we have destroyed and how many more weapons Hezbollah supposedly has.
I just can't any more, I'm almost a week into this war and I feel as if it's been a month and for all we know we may go on for another month.
Seeing though that I read other people's blogs, specifically hagar_972 with whom I am serving I thank her for letting me know, through her blog how many, up to the time that she wrote it, the number of our dead.
Because we have to remember, not glorify (it's one of my most hated Israeli traditions, this glorification of dead soldiers, since in my opinion all it does is glorify war, which can never be a good thing).

Maybe I'll update some more later today, if not.
Peace.

Please, let this be over.

I end this post with the lyrics of the song I'm, currently listening to:

For What It's Worth by Buffalo Springfield

There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Telling me I got to beware

I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind

I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

What a field-day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly say, hooray for our side

It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away

We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, now, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Comments

[hagar-972.livejournal.com]

For someone who seems, in her posts, so averse to what you're doing, you seem to pour a lot of heart into your shifts. I guess it's hard for me to understand the dissonance.

I feel strange reading your posts lately. It's like, the way you mention my LJ name is like reading about another person - I so don't see myself the way you seem to be presenting me, and it's weird. (How does one say הזרה in English? That's the word i'm looking for.)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I'm not averse, I'm just intense :) Um, it's weird, I have my own thoughts about what's going on, but serving and working for the army, I have to put my thoughts and feelings away for a bit and distance myself from what's going on, so I get all... well, distant.
I hate war, but we don't live in a country where it can be avoided and so I do what I have to do, I'm not happy about it, but I do it and I'd be selling myself and everyone working with me short if I didn't give it my all.

I don't know what makes you feel you're reading about someone else, since I just write it how I see and feel it. And you are a great support for me, wish I could be more for you.

*hug* See you Wednesday.