Struck by the "Beauty Myth"
Sep. 16th, 2011 06:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eumeliaOver the past half year or so that I've conscientiously stopped waxing my legs and shaving my underarms, I've struck several conversations regarding why I've stopped removing my body hair.
Some are baffled, some are downright angry, some are admiring (one classmate of mine decided to join the ranks of hairy women, after I told about my experience) and some are simply curious. But the consistent remark, no matter the underlying thought regarding my body - my body and my looks are fair game for criticism and observation.
My decision to grow my body hair is my own. Why? Because it's my body and the way I present it is my own business, and wanting it to look a certain way is also my own business.
The notion that I'm required to present a certain way due to aesthetic convention explicitly suggests that my body is for the consumption of my surrounding, as opposed to me being being a person existing on my own terms in relation to my surroundings.
My self esteem regarding my body has definitely improved since I've stopped thinking about whether I'm presentable in a certain way - wearing shorts with my hair showing, wearing a bathing suit (a bikini no less!) to the pool or the beach with my hairy underarms has been extremely beneficial to upping my self worth.
All the above is to put on the table that while I work hard to be unpack the conditioning I've underwent regarding what is feminine and acceptable on my body, I am still sensitive to direct assault on my body image.
When I was a teenager, my skin was so bad and the acne so deep that they became lesions of my akin and have left scars on my shoulders - being prone to keloids will do that - so at the time my skin was a health hazard so I would go to a cosmetician on a regular basis. This, in addition to drug therapy under medical supervision, that went about to change my body chemistry.
I'm now in my mid-twenties and I hadn't been to a cosmetician in a good number of years, I decided to splurge on a facial in order to celebrate the completion of my degree (I got a haircut as well, pics will be posted asap!).
The litany of strikes the cosmetician assaulted me with when she was committing her sadism over my face was, as follows:
#1 You haven't been to a cosmetician in a long time, haven't you?
#2 You don't take very good care of your skin do you?
#3 You should have those moles removed, it's very dangerous.
#4 You should consider going on drug therapy again. Maybe the Pill?
#5 You should get a hormone check, you have an awful lot of secretions.
#6 You do your eyebrows and moustache yourself don't you? They're awfully long, you should get them waxed and cut.
As someone I ranted to about this said, the beauty industry is built on making us feel ugly, but the workers within the industry don't have to buy into it.
Were it not for the fact that I was doing this for myself and the fact that my own feminism has a broad academic backing with which I can reduce the encounter to a full frontal assault with the Beauty Myth and the judgemental mind set that only other women can have on women, I would have probably gone home and cried.
Cried for the fact that my skin is a health hazard, cried for the fact that I was ugly and that some stranger thought I was hopeless, and, actually disgusting - because the disgust dripped off her.
Once we started talking about her kids did I feel I could I actually lie back and take the pain of having my pores de-clogged without actually wanting to grab the scissors that were lying around the room and stab myself in the eye.
Or stab the cosmetician, it depends.
So here I am, a day later, still obsessing about what a stranger said to me. A stranger, I will most likely, never see again. I can only hope.
My point being, no one has the right to be so invasive about what we do with our bodies and how we present them. Not even so-called "beauty experts". Perhaps, especially not them.
That kind of invasiveness and "up-sale" mentality is part of what makes femininity debased and despised. I like being hairy and femmy. It shouldn't be mutually exclusive and it shouldn't have to make us question our decisions or second guess our self worth.
Some are baffled, some are downright angry, some are admiring (one classmate of mine decided to join the ranks of hairy women, after I told about my experience) and some are simply curious. But the consistent remark, no matter the underlying thought regarding my body - my body and my looks are fair game for criticism and observation.
My decision to grow my body hair is my own. Why? Because it's my body and the way I present it is my own business, and wanting it to look a certain way is also my own business.
The notion that I'm required to present a certain way due to aesthetic convention explicitly suggests that my body is for the consumption of my surrounding, as opposed to me being being a person existing on my own terms in relation to my surroundings.
My self esteem regarding my body has definitely improved since I've stopped thinking about whether I'm presentable in a certain way - wearing shorts with my hair showing, wearing a bathing suit (a bikini no less!) to the pool or the beach with my hairy underarms has been extremely beneficial to upping my self worth.
All the above is to put on the table that while I work hard to be unpack the conditioning I've underwent regarding what is feminine and acceptable on my body, I am still sensitive to direct assault on my body image.
When I was a teenager, my skin was so bad and the acne so deep that they became lesions of my akin and have left scars on my shoulders - being prone to keloids will do that - so at the time my skin was a health hazard so I would go to a cosmetician on a regular basis. This, in addition to drug therapy under medical supervision, that went about to change my body chemistry.
I'm now in my mid-twenties and I hadn't been to a cosmetician in a good number of years, I decided to splurge on a facial in order to celebrate the completion of my degree (I got a haircut as well, pics will be posted asap!).
The litany of strikes the cosmetician assaulted me with when she was committing her sadism over my face was, as follows:
#1 You haven't been to a cosmetician in a long time, haven't you?
#2 You don't take very good care of your skin do you?
#3 You should have those moles removed, it's very dangerous.
#4 You should consider going on drug therapy again. Maybe the Pill?
#5 You should get a hormone check, you have an awful lot of secretions.
#6 You do your eyebrows and moustache yourself don't you? They're awfully long, you should get them waxed and cut.
As someone I ranted to about this said, the beauty industry is built on making us feel ugly, but the workers within the industry don't have to buy into it.
Were it not for the fact that I was doing this for myself and the fact that my own feminism has a broad academic backing with which I can reduce the encounter to a full frontal assault with the Beauty Myth and the judgemental mind set that only other women can have on women, I would have probably gone home and cried.
Cried for the fact that my skin is a health hazard, cried for the fact that I was ugly and that some stranger thought I was hopeless, and, actually disgusting - because the disgust dripped off her.
Once we started talking about her kids did I feel I could I actually lie back and take the pain of having my pores de-clogged without actually wanting to grab the scissors that were lying around the room and stab myself in the eye.
Or stab the cosmetician, it depends.
So here I am, a day later, still obsessing about what a stranger said to me. A stranger, I will most likely, never see again. I can only hope.
My point being, no one has the right to be so invasive about what we do with our bodies and how we present them. Not even so-called "beauty experts". Perhaps, especially not them.
That kind of invasiveness and "up-sale" mentality is part of what makes femininity debased and despised. I like being hairy and femmy. It shouldn't be mutually exclusive and it shouldn't have to make us question our decisions or second guess our self worth.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-16 05:07 pm (UTC)Which I gotta be thinking about some more before I can write about.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-16 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-16 10:26 pm (UTC)-tons of hugs-
no subject
Date: 2011-09-17 08:50 am (UTC)Your poor brain... *hugs* to you as well.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-17 01:35 am (UTC)ETA: I was a hairy-legged high schooler and yes, feminism gave me the strength to do that. I think, for me, it helps that I'm very fat and don't appear "fixable" - someone who is thinner should "just do this" and "just do that" but I'm beyond those parameters. Of course, being beyond those parameters causes other problems, but not this specific one!
no subject
Date: 2011-09-17 08:53 am (UTC)She was really pushing me to buy her products and a series of treatments, I was so NOT going to do that!
Re: your ETA: I was actually thinking about that, because my bff is fat and we often speak about the different expectations that are levelled at us, despite us doing the exact same thing. She's also hairy, but because she's fat, she doesn't have "to be" conventionally attractive, but I'm thin so I'm "ruining" my presentation for a "point".
no subject
Date: 2011-09-17 10:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-17 11:18 am (UTC)It's so important to have someone who is in an industry like that be on your side and hear what you want.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-18 02:01 am (UTC)For an industry like that, they should be more willing to make people feel beautiful, instead of trying to make them fit an arbitrary standard.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-18 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-18 06:27 am (UTC)