The art of trying to get to know you

[eumelia]

Today, as I sat in the computer lab, faffing around, procrastinating and concentrating on myself and no one else, a guy startled me.

Now, I'm a very jumpy person, I will startle from most loud noises, even if I know that they are coming - watching action flicks with me is a treat no doubt - so when this guy touched my shoulder I basically jumped out of my skin and felt slightly humiliated.

He laughed slightly and said "Sorry, did I freak you out?" (in English, recall, I go to a Hebrew language institution of learning).
I laughed as well and said "Yeah, no prob" and went back to my screen.

The guy decided he liked me.

"What's your name?"
Which I told him.
He told me his and we shook hands.
Very short shake...
"Where are you from?"
Which I lied about.
"What do you study?"
Which I answered truthfully and then he mocked (dude, this is how you get women interested in you?)
"Can I have your number?"
How about you give me yours (and then I throw it away, just go away!)
"Are you on Facebook?"
Yes, see, there he is (in all his drunk profile picture glory), I'm pressing "add as friend", he finally leaves and I cancel the friend request.

He creeped me out.

At the time, he creeped me out and instead of being good ole', assertive, bitch-face Mel, I was smiling demurely and trying to hint (rather than be anvilicious) that I was not interested.

Now, he wasn't harassing me in any way, he was just wasting my time (and his) but still, I was so severely uncomfortable in this situation. I dunno if it's because I'm not used to being hit on (which I'm not, I don't usually get hit on) or if I was just awkward about the situation in general.

Seriously though, is body language that hard to read? I was inching away, and he was all in my space (like really) and he was really intense about getting information about me.
He happened to be American, which should mean nothing, but means something.

*sigh*

I should have just said "No, dude, not interested, better luck next time".

Why are we so much smarter in retrospect?

Comments

[ironed_orchid]

Because afterward we've already dealt with the "how do I get out of this situation with the minimum amount of stress/drama" aspect.

[eumelia]

What you say is true, but wouldn't what I had said also been with minimal stress/drama?

[ironed_orchid]

Yes, but I guess I was trying to get at the bit where at the time you're busy thinking "who is this guy and what does he want" and assessing all that stuff as you go... It's like snappy comebacks, they're easier with people you feel relaxed around than with the people who stress you out.

[eumelia]

*nods*
Yeah, I was in a hyper vigilant place in my mind (while smiling like a moron! GAH!) so you make sense, you do.

[ironed_orchid]

Strange guy touches you unexpectedly... it' doesn't really matter what his intentions are, it's going to set off the adrenaline.

[silveradept]

Body language is very hard to read when you're doing your very best to ignore it, as it seems like this person was. And for all I know, men in general just suck at it, not having had to read it while growing up so as to tell when evil Rival was being sincere and when she was trying to bait you into a trap or an insult.

[eumelia]

That is a good point.

[lilacsigil]

Body language to (many) straight men: it's a female body, maybe I could have sex with it? Many non-geeky Americans I have met IRL are particularly bad at picking up subtle cues, which is weird, because the geeky Americans I have met are mostly really good at it.

[eumelia]

He was not a geek, he was an American Jewish guy - which in local context is very significant and has a huge amount of cultural baggage attached.

But I see what you mean.

[silveradept]

A possible explanation, coming from a somewhat geeky male - they get more training in reading the subtle cues, often times because they're used to being on guard when it comes to people-to-people interaction, a guard usually forged because of their experiences in their required schooling.

[lilacsigil]

Yes, that makes sense to me - my brothers are both geeks, were both bullied (by both boys and girls, which may make a difference) and both are good at reading cues like that.

[silveradept]

Yeah. If you've been made a fool of by someone you were interested in who didn't return your interest but thought manipulating you was fine and dandy, you'd be a bit more on the lookout for signals that a different relationship was turning that same way.