Fun Times

[eumelia]

No more paid account on my DW, which is okay (thank you Anon for the extra points, I don't know what I do to deserve such generosity).

I wanted to write about Pinkwashing the Occupation, but seem to be in an Out of Spoon Error, though I have nothing in me that requires me to count my spoons.

I wanted to write about my concern regarding the growing infringement of religious law in my country, but I have far too much hostility towards the subject to write about it with any kind of coherence.
I. Hate. The. Religious. Intitutions. Where. Ever. And. What. Ever. They. May. Be.

There's a Holocaust Video regarding survival, the politics of humour and identity and how we remember bad things that happen.

I will get into it at some point when I find my freakin' ear phones.

I think I know my problem though. As I write this, it will be 4 years since I did my reserve duty during the Second Lebanon Year. It was hell for me and I was in a bunker seeing people blow up on a big television screen while my officers and fellow soldiers clapped.
I bawled when I got home that night.
My dad didn't know what to do.

I was diagnosed with PTSD six months later. I'm in a really good year. Last summer sucked for other reasons, but not because I remembered the war. In a way last summer was sublime, because of Torchwood and spending time with my then girlfriend [Southern!Girl] and it being after the family drama I am still bitter about, but before the murder at the gay youth club.

What coherence?

Sorry about that folks, this is me being in a bit of a funk, plus a sore throat and having been put on Antibiotics.

I was telling a friend of mine none too long ago that I feel guilty for allowing myself to feel any kind of suffering. Where the fuck to I get off that I deserve to suffer? My life is peachy. I'm a student living at home, am economically secure, am not out on the street due to my sexual identity and am considered worthy of love from family and friends.

Still, feeling a bit miserable at the mo'. I don't know if it's summer associations, sickness or discovering that I've lost even more weight since last summer.

Also, Leverage is my new comfort food. I really want to get back to Martial Arts. That would require actual motivation and money.

Bitch, bitch, moan, moan.

Comments

[silveradept]

Even when our lives are wonderful, Big Things tend to remind us that we're not all there yet, and our empathy for our fellow humans kicks in. It does mean depressive episodes, which are sucktastic, but it's also a confirmation that you're still human, and that humanness probably puts you head and shoulders above the people who would cheer at the loss of life.

[eumelia]

Thank you.

[amethystfirefly]

-gentle hugs- A lot of times it's just seeing all the fucked up shit in the world that can drag you down.

It's a good thing because it means you're still human. I know that's hard to remember that when you're feeling like shit, though.

I hope you find spoons soon. <3

[eumelia]

I'm glad I have the option of having a "day off".

Thanks for the kind words.