Writer's Block: Yes, offense taken

[eumelia]

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Okay, wow.
This is actually a good Writer's Block.

I've been staring at it for a good while now.

Because the answer is: sometimes.

I'm being honest here, sometimes, I'm just too tired to confront people and tell them they're "wrong", "off-base", "being disrespectful" etc. Why? Because it's all the freakin' time.
It's prevalent and invidious.
How do you tell someone that their assumptions are offensive?

Is that over-sensitivity? Perhaps, but I'm often been called over sensitive for calling on people who said something about Arabs being untrustworthy, or about Gays "flaunting" their (our) sexuality.
And I'm like: "Die, fucker, die!" in my mind, while trying to calmly say: "Excuse me, but do you have any idea how offensive what you said was?" and then discuss for half an hour how #1 I took it the wrong way #2 It's just an opinion and they're entitled to it and #3 going around in circles regarding the whole concept of treating other people as human.
It's not that hard, honestly.
A little dignity and respect that goes two ways.

But it's not that, of course.
It's much deeper than that, because dignity and respect are concepts to be put upon those you see as equals, right?
Racial inferiors and sexual deviants aren't worthy of the same dignity and respect, right?

Generally speaking, I do not let this shit fly, because it reduces me as a person, to this non-person and it replicates the destructive discourse that makes sure that sexual minorities, racial minorities, women, people with disabilities, trans people and every intersection thereof into something other than human.
And that, plain as day and crystal clear, just doesn't effing fly.

And sometimes... I'm just too tired to deal with it, so I roll my eyes, make a sarcastic remark and hope the conversation moves on quickly.

Good night, y'all.

Comments

[stateofwonder.livejournal.com]

I think it's really important for activists and allies to recognize that sometimes it's okay to let this kind of shit go. Not because it's okay that it was said, at all. But because constantly confronting and educating people is not our job (at least not full-time, maybe part-time, heh). We need to protect our safety and our sanity if we're going to be effective at whatever our job actually IS, or even if we just want to go about our daily lives without having a goddamn breakdown.

[rainsingingwolf.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

[nods] That's an important thing to remember. We do have to protect ourselves.
Still, I'm always a bit disappointed in myself when I let something go by with merely an eye-roll or a non-critical sarcastic remark.

[stateofwonder.livejournal.com]

Yeah... me too. It's hard.

[antikythera.livejournal.com]

I have been told that it is my job, because if I'm not (black or gay or whoever is being bashed at the moment), it's easier and less stressful for me to do the educating than for the target to do the educating.

I think the balance for me is going to be doing the educating and the smackdown when I can, and if I'm in a frame of mind where I think I can't handle it, I shouldn't do it.

This may sound privileged and picky, but I have very little sanity to start with (medicated and everything) and I'd like to preserve at least a bit of it. :P

[stateofwonder.livejournal.com]

I think that sometimes it can be the role of the ally to step up and confront, and sometimes to back off and let a person who is part of whatever group it is to speak their minds. It really depends on the circumstance and who's present. It's tricky to be the one to confront slurs without speaking for people, y'know?

*nods* I mean, if you aren't in the frame of mind where you think you can handle it, it's probably not the best idea for you to get into it anyway. Both for yourself and because of the fact that you may not be so effective if you're not in that educating space.