Bad Jew... Bad

[eumelia]

I will not be fasting this year.

I'll be going to Koll Nidrei, as I do every year. But I won't be fasting.
It took me a long time to figure out why, as a non-believer, as someone who would more often than nor buck tradition than follow it (or at the very least, update it to fit the times and my personal philosophy), I'd felt the need to fast in previous years.

Nostalgia.

Pure and simple, nostalgia.

I go to hear and sing along with everyone Koll Nidrei, because it moves me, I feel the water in my body vibrate along with the congregation that repeats, repeats, repeats the Hazan (Cantor) as he sings and dirges the words of the Book.

I don't think I need to deny myself anything in order to make visible the repentance (that I don't feel).
I have no soul that needs purification.

I've been losing weight and that's been weighing on my mind. I hate that as I get thinner I think more about how fattening things are and I've not even been trying to lose weight.
I was happy where I was.
It's been a tough week, month, year.
It would have caught up with me I suppose.
If I don't see myself fattening up after the Holidays and during Uni I'll go see if there's an actual problem with me.
I am looking pale.
Because I'm tired; I've not caught up on the sleep I've lost over the past couple of days.

I will not be fasting.
With any luck I'll make myself a cup of coffee at a friends house this evening after prayers and catch up on True Blood tomorrow... maybe I'll watch an ep or two of Torchwood.
Or Life on Mars.

Definitely listen to Leonard Cohen... my lovely man.

Comments

[tempestbreaker.livejournal.com]

Hey, there is no reason to take a ritualistic behavior if it's not your behavior. (Many years ago my sibbling unit realized his own non-belief. He thus broke away to form his own religion. His religion has only one tenant. Food.)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

(That is a good tenant. I approve of this religion!)

[tempestbreaker.livejournal.com]

(It's a rather friendly religion. The closest thing that it has to a holy day is the American Thanksgiving (because of the huge amounts of food consumed) and the closest thing it has to a saint is goku from dragon ball (because of the amounts of food he can eat), but that's just sibbling personally. Personally I would throw in Galactus just for fun. you can never have enough Galactus)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Surely Galactus is the Patron God of this Food-Consuming Religion?!
He eats planets!
Planets!!!

[tempestbreaker.livejournal.com]

Presactly! But I think it is for the best that sibbling unit keeps away all deities/lets people decide their own lest the deal become too dogmatic. As sad as it sounds, despite the seeming humor and simplicity to his religion, I think it is a lot more respectable/honest/open than most/most in practice.

As a side note, I was wondering, given your geographical location...is it actually more difficult to not fast there (i.e. due to societal pressure/localized consensual reality)? Just curious. (hah! it's actually a non-side note going back to the main topic! NINJA!)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

My dad asked me if I'm fasting and I replied that he won't be seeing me eat.

It's nice the whole country is basically closed down, but there's food in the house and other friends are non-fasters, so it's not a hardship in either direction.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

There's nothing wrong with nostalgia and ceremony, as long as it's not hurting others (as the nostalgia for "simpler times" does!)

Take care of yourself - pale, tired and losing weight are classic signs of anaemia, so if you don't start feeling better, have them check your iron levels.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Nostalgia for the feelings of holiness that I don't feel anymore, which is okay, hence not feeling bad about not fasting. The title was tongue in cheek :)

I will make sure to get more sleep and actually check my weight and not just see how clothes fit me. Thank you for the concern.

[sabotabby]

I go on and off every year about whether I'm going to fast. Last year I didn't because I was so scared about my job that I didn't want to take a day off. This year, I'm taking a day off, I'm going to fast, but I'm also going to use it as a day to get caught up on stuff.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

The country is absolutely shut down, which adds a nice change of pace in a way.

No cars, kids riding bikes in the street, walking around, it's quite pleasant. Plus, I'm not fasting and still get the leisure!

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

Have a lovely peaceful day and a happy year.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Gmar Hatima Tova to you and your family!

Thanks you. Shana Tova.

[rm.livejournal.com]

Interesting. Because I often go to services but usually don't fast, and will probably be doing the opposite this year.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Good luck with that. I find it hard to fast if I don't have the proper starting point of going to Kol Nidrei, it feels "unauthentic" to me in a way.

But I love hearing the dozens of voices blending and standing with my family. The fast, unless I feel a need to take a break from food (which generally I don't), is not a ritual I feel has much meaning for me.

[(Anonymous)]

L.C. came to Washington but a ticket was like 80$. I really debated spending the money, but didn't.. :(