***Trigger Warning*** Rape Culture and its discussion Online

[eumelia]

In the beginning of June cereta wrote a post titled: On Rape and Men (Oh yes, I'm going there), in which she basically lays out what it is that men can do to prevent rape.

Because make no mistake.
Rape is not something that happens.
It is a crime committed upon a victim who is will, almost every time, be a part of a group that is less powerful in the very unequal power dynamic in which we live; that is, women of almost every intersection, queer men, people who are gender variant, children, the elderly, prisoners, etc.

I qualify the above with "almost every time", because straight cis men are also raped and women can assault and molesters as well.

However, the epidemic of Rape as it stands now, makes that a small qualifier.

The culture in which we live, which is that of under reporting of the crime and the derailment of the issue time and time again to:
#1 This is a women's issue you deal with it. (Despite it being done by men)
#2 What about those who are falsely accused of rape. (Despite the fact that it is a crime that is falsly reported no more or no less than any other crime, that is, a minuscule amount compares to the actual crime being committed).

Do not negate the fact that Rape happens.

All the time, every day, to - according to current statistics - 1 in 4 women and this is just what is reported.
As I said, this is a crime that is under reported.

One of the foci of cereta's post was the fact that we barely hear about the men who do not rape. That is, about the men who are in the presence of a woman who is in a vulnerable position and do not take advantage of this.
Those men, she says and I paraphrase, need to speak up and educate others and tell them that you do not invade another persons body, that drunken consent in not consent, that a woman walking around in a mini-skirt and a plunging neck line is not "asking for it".
That no woman is silently asking to be taken against her will.

Just as an aside: anybody who wants to mention Rape Fantasies will be smacked down. This is not what I'm talking about and has very very little do with the discussion at hand. Keep your thoughts and ideas about Rape Fantasy to an entry in which I discuss sex politics, not here, when I am talking about a crime that is too often relegated to the realm fantasy and disbelief.

The strategy that cereta suggests in her post and others in her comments is a bit of a double edged sword. And it suggests a reality which we don't really want to contemplate, because the majority of us (as in women, but people in general) do not want to consider Rape the norm and the avoidance of rape as something special.
Decent human behaviour should be the norm, mentioning how you (a guy in a position of power) were once in a position to violate a girl but didn't, in fact even did your best to make sure she wasn't harmed while she was in this state, shouldn't be an incident worth telling in ones honour.
It should be what every man in that situation would do.

Women have been told, time and time again, don't be a victim. Don't go out late at night. Don't drink too much. Don't accept rides from strangers. Don't do this, don't do that.
Basically, policing our living space in the name of our own protection.
But that's just another way of reducing our lives in general.
Boys should be told, from childhood, as girls are, don't be an aggressor, you do not have the right over someone else's body. Women's bodies are not something you are entitled to.

You get the picture.

I have a story of my own about being in a vulnerable position and was not assaulted. I no longer allow myself to be so intoxicated that I find myself waking up with hazy memories.
I don't feel the need to recount it here because this was over five years ago and it really isn't a story.
But you know, it kinds is, because I was very fortunate.
I may not be so lucky in the future.

This post is only one of many that have been inspired by cereta's post - in the comments (of which there are 22 pages) there is a thread with links to other posts on this subject.

It's awfully telling that while this is being spoken about in the feminist blogosphere a South African survey shows that 1 in 4 South African men admit to committing rape. These are just the men who admitted it.
This is very illuminating considering the fact that in March a report about the "corrective rape" of South African Lesbians was published in the Guardian.
Both these articles may be triggering.

Rape and violence are always compounded when it is committed within and upon a population is still recovering from a very long period of oppression, suppression and is basically backlashing against the history of it's own violence.

That's very academic, and is really of no consequence to the victims and survivors of the culture in which they have to live.
So moving on.

It would seem that despite feminism being around since the turn of the 20th century, not much good has been done for women who are still systematically put in the "weak" box.

But we are talking about this.
We are writing the stories and telling them.
We are owning them and trying to get the myths regarding them eradicated.

Once, the articles linked above wouldn't have been stories worth mentioning. They would have been part of that culture.
Once, anyone talking about the systemic culture of rape would have been labelled as crazy, now I think we may be slowly but surely getting somewhere.
So very slowly, but very surely.

That's all about this at this point.

Comments

[danamaree.livejournal.com]

Thank you for those links. This has certainly given me a lot of things to think about.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

You are welcome.

*hugs*

[danamaree.livejournal.com]

One of the things that most got to me, was a post to Cereta's post, I'll cut and paste:

But he was absolutely boggling at me when I tried to articulate the way I - and other women - have to be constantly aware of our surroundings. Am I safe are there people around can I get out is he looking at me funny is someone behind me how far to other people how drunk can I get do I have my phone am I safe am I safe am I safe.

What, all the time?

Yes, says I. All the time.

That's our life, that's my life. What world do we live in?

[hemlock-sholes.livejournal.com]

Would you say that a male not being able to relate to a female's "sexual assault" awareness is similar to the way that a person from a higher social-economical background cannot relate to a someone from a lower background's "fear of burglary/physical assault" awareness?

In what way are these awareni (plural of awareness, of course) similar or dissimilar?

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I think I'll answer this, as I think the distinction is important.

First of all, a crime, any crime, can be committed upon anyone from any socio-economic group.
I'm actually not really sure what this "awareness" between social classes is.
People of a lower socio-economic background will more likely to be surrounded by burglary and mugging because it is alternative economy - but alternative economies exist on every socio-economic level - embezzling, for instance, in higher classes.

Rape. as a crime, cuts across intersection - that is, women of every race, ethnicity, religion, gender identity, nationality, socio-economic class (and others things) have been sexually assaulted, raped, have been victims of incest, child molestation.
More than likely, these crimes were committed by someone they either know or interact with on a daily basis. Rape or Assault by a stranger happens, but it not the main type nor the main offender.

Another distinction between the two awarni (is that really a word?) is that while in lower socio-economic households monetary or random crime could ostensibly happen more often in those areas, very often when it comes to Rape and Sexual Assault women are continuously disbelieved, or is twisted in a way that puts the blame on the victim - I've never heard anyone say someone asked to be mugged or burgled. Or blame the person who was mugged for what happened to them.
Because Rape is inherently sexual, it ties into the cultural misogyny and is in fact so intertwined with the idea that women are there to be sexually available to men, it take a lot of effort to get people (both men and women) that Rape is a crime of violence and violation that takes the most intimate route available,
Because a woman will be blamed for "being" in a situation like that - there is very little blame for towards a man who decides to take advantage of a situation like that.
Because a woman walking in the street at dark is "asking for trouble" - the is very little blame for a man walking in the street at night "trying to score".

I hope that was clear.

[hemlock-sholes.livejournal.com]

So you're saying that if we compare awareness to rape and mugging the difference is that:

In rape the victim is aware both of the fact that s/he may be raped and that s/he will be blamed.
In a mugging the victim is aware only of the fact that s/he may be mugged.

[mao4269.livejournal.com]

Because most rapists (as described in the original post), even aside from whatever weapons they utilize, are in a position of privilege over their victims whereas most muggers/burglars are less affluent people, there's a power dynamic at play in most cases of sexual assault that isn't present in most mugging/burlary. That affects the messages sent to women and poor people as a whole. While society may not care about poor victims of mugging and burglary crime, poor people, unlike women of all socioeconomic strata, aren't taught by society that if they don't "protect themselves" in a way that infringes on their lives they deserve to be attacked. A more affluent person not relating to the "fear of burglary/physical assault" awareness of a less affluent person fails to acknowledge hir privilege to have society act if they should be attacked. A man not relating to women's "sexual assault" awareness, however, fails to acknowledge his privilege to not be acted against if he should assault.

[esizzle.livejournal.com]

u don't need to go to south africa for examples, there's plenty of rape culture in israel
http://82.80.254.140/ActiveMagazine/getBook.asp?Path=TOM/2009/06/03&BookCollection=TOM_TA&ReaderStyle=Time_Heb&Language=Hebrew&Hebrew=1&browserWindowWidth=1270&browserWindowHeight=974

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

Gah, I know, thank you for the link, I saw that earlier this month and was... not really shocked, *sigh* pissed me off as hell regardless, of course.

I use the South Africa examples because that's what's been going around, I think I've already established the fact that I'm sheep :P. Also, that South Africa is a part of my family roots and history, so it makes sense to me to link to it here.

[shelestel.livejournal.com]

I am entitled to women's bodies! And they are entitled to mine!

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

You mean like THIS! (http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn49/love_me911/zombiepinup.jpg).

[shelestel.livejournal.com]

Ooh, what a nice way of representing the unity of the physical and the psychic.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_yggdrasil/]

What saddens and pisses me off are the men who still won't get it. cetera writes about what I have often tried to explain only to get sheep-like gazes of confusion and disbelief (or even anger). I stopped trying because every time a man says I'm exaggerating, it fucking hurts.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

It does hurt, it's a reminder that feminism - fuck, that the idea of eqaulity has just not seeped into the mind set of people who really have the power to change things.

I always hear: you're exaggerating, you're over sensitive, you know the spiel.

I know you've grown exasperated with trying to "educate" others, both men and women, and I empathise with that, but I don't think I'll ever be to stop talking about this - if only to make oblivious men uncomfortable and get them to realise that the onus is actually, really, on them.
As we know, we do what we can to protect ourselves and make sure dangerous situation are diffused, but those situations happen because they're committed and somehow those who commit them have to stop.

[quicksilvermad.livejournal.com]

Christ... I finally finished reading through all of this—and watching the video links.

The idea that there is an entire culture of men out there that see lesbianism or alternate sexuality as something to be corrected with rape is just mind boggling.

As for cetera's post... Myself and a very good friend of mine have been victims of sexual assault. Her story is not mine to tell, but suffice it to say she was assaulted (repeatedly) at 12 and still cannot move past it—her first real boyfriend continued to try and pressure her into having sex to the point of asking "when [she'll] get over it so he can 'be with her.'" He'd lied about his age as well. She broke up with him after several instances of this.

My story is far less frightening but no less wrong. I'm so thankful for my high tolerance to alcohol... When rooming in a bungalow with this same friend, a couple of guys from school decided to drop by with a huge bottle of Bacardi and various other alcoholic drinks. She and I got drunk enough to end up speaking in Spanish and French to each other, but the guys were pacing themselves, I could tell. Well, I ended up in the living room watching Shaun of the Dead with one guy and she was outside boredly listening to the other one yammer on about existential shit. Guy #1 started getting way too fucking hands-y with me (breaching inner thigh perimeter NOT OKAY, I'M FUCKING DRUNK), I said "No," he leaned in on me further, but did not expect me to be either as cognizant as I was after so much liquor or the fact that I can bench 145 pounds and have excellent knee-to-crotch aim.

I managed to shove him of me, knee him in the balls, and get to my room to lock the fucking door.

I know I shouldn't have had anything to drink and I should have kicked the pair of them out (the other guy passed out in the guest room just a few minutes before my roomie knocked on my door, asked if I'd locked it, and went on to her own room to lock the door) as soon as they held up that bottle of Bacardi). Amazingly, these two guys had gotten even more drunk than the pair of us and were at "blackout level" drunk... They claimed not to remember a thing. And I was too cowardly to set them right and say that getting girls drunk and groping them is not acceptable.

Rape is never acceptable. And those who insinuate that women entice men (un)consciously to rape them are just ignorant.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

God.
The fact that your story isn't "unique" is what makes it all the worse.
I'm so sorry you've had that done to you.

Same with your friend, I'm so sorry that this crime was committed upon her and that you both had to deal with such ignorance surrounding it.