Contemplating 25 Hours of Physical Deprivation

[eumelia]

Fasting is over.

I didn't go to Shul for the Neila (locking/closing prayer) of the Day and the Fast.
I'm fine with that.

I only went for Kol Nidre, as I do every year, mainly because I very much enjoy the dirge and singing with the whole congregation.

Today I mainly slept, craved coffee, brushed my teeth when my mouth began to get fuzzy, listened to some of my soft music and read a book.

The Fast this year didn't have as much oomph this year as last. I decided to reduce my consumption of dairy and not deprive myself of sea-food when I feel the want or the need, which is only when I'm in fish and sea-food restaurants, which isn't very often in any event.

The Fast is a very personal thing.

I have trouble explaining it to my secular friends who know that I'm a pretty irreverent person in regards to tradition and the fact that I'm fairly critical of religion in general.
Because Deity is non-entity in my life, for nothing more than a prism in which to look at humanity, and with belief and faith being things I have in Myself and that my own inclination towards the metaphysical has basically dwindled into nothing, I feel the need to explore why I do this one thing.
This Physical Deprivation, because it's no eating and drinking from sunset to sunset + three stars in the heavens.

Every year my family asks if I've ever spent so much time in shul (on the Eve of Yom Kippur which is when we say Kol Nidre) and every year I remind them I always stay 'till the end to listen to the singing and read the liturgy that emphasises humanity as a child/wife/lover/clay/ etc. etc. while GD is father/husband/kind/maker and breaker etc. etc.

This kind of transcendental theology never sat well with me.
Which is why once I was given the choice I didn't go to shul anymore, except on Erev Yom Kippur.

I can't really articulate why I Fast, it certainly isn't to do with the belief that during the Days of Awe our destinies are written out on the Book of Life, or that depriving myself physically will somehow cleanse me spiritually.

In any event, it wasn't a particularly fulfilling day in that respect.

Would be happy to hear opinions on this one. I'm sure everyone has at least one.

Comments

[roga.livejournal.com]

I'm secular, and I don't find any personal spiritual meaning in Yom Kippur, but I still fast sometimes, like I did this year (with two drink breaks yesterday). It's just about taking part in the tradition for me. In Hannukah I light candles, in Passover I read the haggadah, and on Yom Kippur - sometimes - I fast. It's nice to partake in something that everyone else is doing at the same time, like watching a soccer game live with everyone else instead of watching the rerun a few hours later. If it was torture for me I probably wouldn't put in the effort, but it's not too bad for me, physically, and that's the other aspect - it's a nice little personal challenge.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

There is something to be said for cultural traditions, for sure.

I have a problem of over-analysis of culture and ceremony. I keep looking for the "trick" and I've become somewhat immune to the whole thing, so the mystery/mysticism/ceremony/etc. feels a bit... meh... so I'm always looking for the meaning for me and then I analyze why I look for the meaning and then blah, because it's a whole circular thing going on.

[wijsgeer.livejournal.com]

I am a third generation atheist. I've never celebrated any of the fasting celebrations (lent, ramadan). My sister, as atheist as me, once decided to participate in ramadan out of solidarity towards her muslim friends in high school.

I like the part of ramadan that it is supposed to make you aware of what hunger is and that it should inspire solidarity and charity. I am actually not sure whether that is also the original aim of lent, though modern day Dutch christianity tend to sell it as such. (At least those I've heard preaching on the radio, but they tend to be mostly the more liberal bunch)

But perhaps to know what hunger is you should not only be deprived of food now, but also not know when and from where your next meal will come. Maybe that means one should live like a beggar for a year or something (like a budhist monk?).

I am not a spiritual person, I think I better work as a volunteer for people in need than deprive myself. (is still in the planning for when I feel better)

(note: I've actually gone a winter without turning on the heater because I felt I wasn't worth it and it wasn't really cold enough and not to waste the gas on me. It fed my depression nicely)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

It's basically cultural heritage for me, as I'm active without the thought of being Jewish as a part of it. My Jewish identity is as ethnic/cultural facet.

I wouldn't feel comfortable fasting on Ramadan or Lent, it would feel like hijacking someone else's tradition and I hate people doing that regardless.

[shelestel.livejournal.com]

I'm fairly critical of religion in general.
"Religion in general" is one of those phrases that should probably not exist. 'Cause it's one muthafuka floating signifier ;)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

A floating signifier to what, exactly?

Maybe I should have qualified organised religion, but then I wouldn't be able to say that I'm critical of the wishy-washy way most of neo-paganism portrays itself to novices etc. etc.

[shelestel.livejournal.com]

Even organized religion has so many aspects. I really don't think it's very productive to lump such a variety of behaviours, experiences and customs together.

[aesiron.livejournal.com]

Do you not drink at all, or only drink water? I was raised as a non-denominational Protestant and the whole fasting and dietary law thing is alien to me, and I don't really have much of an opinion. I can see how it would work for some, but it would probably just irritate me even though I sometimes fast just to see how long I can go without food. Forty-six hours or thereabouts is my record so far.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

No eating or drinking the whole day.

Going without food, when everyone else is going without food is easy, because there isn't anything laid out before you.
As I said, I'm not quite sure why I do it, as I lack the spiritual conviction that's supposed to make it "meaningful".

*shrug* there's always next year :)

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

Kol Nidre does have that great piyyut with all the God-as-creator metaphors, it's true. I love that one. I also like the liturgy the rest of the day, though, with the exception of the Avodah and the Martyrology. Every year we have a creative take on that one, and this year the person who led it presented a lot of sad facts about death from homelessness in the US. That was heavy, but it wasn't really about martyrdom.

I don't know how anyone fasts without going to synagogue. I guess if you are in Israel there are a lot people who are fasting and not praying. I've fasted on 9 Av and it's so hard and yucky, but the YK fast is pretty easy. Everyone is doing it, and it just gives so much more time to concentrating on prayer.

Though I did have to think about my son, and take a break to give him his lunch. He doesn't automatically eat during the day without someone saying, "here is food, are you hungry?"

I just feel grateful that I have a place to pray where people are not ashamed to show emotion. I remember prayer when I was a child in the Reform movement being something really stilted and uncomfortable and boring, on Yom Kippur worst of all. I thought it would be better somewhere Orthodox, but it really wasn't, except a very few places I've been. There just has to be a communal commitment to realness to make Yom Kippur into something worthwhile.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I actually had an easy time this year and didn't feel any pangs when I helped my mom feed the kids while the others slept after shul - seeing as I slept the whole day in any event.

I find going to shul pretty boring regardless because I don't feel the spiritual connection and on Yom Kippur it's special because there's this who lot of belief that's going around it's almost tangible.