Bad American? "Worst" Meme Ever - but still very entertaining.

[eumelia]

sabotabby did it and that's where I saw it and gakked it:

First thing's first: it is based on this little "master piece"*.

Second, here's what you do:
Bold means I agree
Struck Out means I don't agree.
Italics means I don't know
(I added personal commentary where I saw fit)


I'm Your Worst Nightmare. I'm Jewish, so I either control all your money, have a desire to control all your money and being an Israeli, do in fact benefit a whole lot from your American money.

I am a BAD American. not an American.

I like big cars, big beers and big tits. Big cars pollute and are ugly, it takes me fifteen minutes to drink half a pint and being the owner of a pair of fairly sized tits, can't say I object to the,.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. Yes, but most of the money you "make" doesn't go anywhere other than in your boss' pocket, so think about it.

I don't care about appearing compassionate. I am compassionate, those that think otherwise can kiss my peachy ass.

I think playing with guns doesn't make you a killer. Just a moron with a death wish, because playing with guns is more likely to get yourself killed... which would be a shame.

I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I have very little expirience with this group, I only know the Scout troups in these parts and they're all gender equal and stuff.

I think I'm better than the homeless. Only better off at the moment, I'm fairly sure that with my current life skills I'd become homeless pretty quickly.

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. Seeing as it usually a minority that does the victimization... I'd have to agree with this one.

I don't care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I'd find it odd, though... though thinking about it, foot-in-mouth disease has been known to happen with me.

I am not tolerant of others because they are different. Tolerance is vastly overrated. To be tolerant you have to have equality... which doesn't exist.

I know that no matter how big Jennifer Lopez's ass gets, I'll still want to see it. J-Lo is so not the IT girl anymore... Salma Hayek, though...

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. It is only a Holday found in North America I think, though I could be wrong.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you do it in English. Having not been in a MacDonalds in over five years, I'm going to have to take your word for it.

I like my porn without silicon. Do dildos and vibrators count?

I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. Children have their own unpopular opinions and will usually go for actions that figures of authority (i.e. parents) disapprove of.

I think getting a blowjob cock sucked is sex, and every man is entitled to at least one extremely sloppy one per month. Only if they're willing to pay the going rate for said "entitlement" and they're willing to reciprocate to the one cock-sucking them sees fit.

I know what the definition lying of is. For Hugh Laurie says it is so.

I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I was, like, really little at the time.

I didn't think the Taco Bell dog was funny. I hate those fucking rat-looking dogs.

I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks. When were they ever like that?!

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang. Though I'm sure the parents of the kids listening to these artists wanted to kill them... or commit suicide.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. Having done both, I think I may be missing the point.

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package. I don't really care. We inhale and ingest so many toxins in any event, what's a little appertain?

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, and they can do it in their schools. During break and without beating up anybody who isn't praying in the exact same way to the exact same god.
And without teachers or other figures of authority leading the prayer - they can be part of... but no leading.

I think the Clippers should play in the WNBA. *blinks* I dunno what this sentence means.

My heroes are Newt Gingrich, John Wayne, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and whoever canceled "Murder She Wrote". Do I look like a Gay Republican?!

I think creative violence and useless nudity and sex makes movies more interesting. But only if they're incorporated with a semblance of verisimilitude into the plot - which in Action Flicks work fairly well!

I don't hate the rich. Only the fact that they usually create the circumstances in which the majority of money made goes into their non-taxable banking accounts.

I don't pity the poor. I have no pity for anyone other than myslef.

I know wrestling is fake, and I don't think The Rock could kick my ass. My seven year old nephew could take me down... what are you talking about!?

I think global warming is junk science. Winters are colder, summers are hotter and I've been a Planeteer since I was five... eff off you obtuse asshole!

I've never owned or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, haven't floundered forty years after deserting Cuba. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-fuck-up already. My family however, was pretty much decimated in WW2 and I'm currently an Occupier of another people... history tends to repeat, because people are stupid.

Laurel & Hardy and The Three Stooges still makes me laugh. Abbot and Costello and the Marx Brothers are where it's at when it comes to black and white entertainment.

I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them. I just bet you do.

I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Play Station. *scratches head* which cause and what game?

I want to know which church is it exactly, where the Rev. Jessie Jackson preaches. Ahhhh... me likes my web browser with embedded Google search.

I don't care where Ellen puts her tongue. Isn't Portia De Rossi smokin'!?

I think explosions are cool. Unless it's real people exploding... then it an act of War/Terror - depending whose side you're on,

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. Dude, running? Not a violent action that warrants any kind of retaliation what-so-ever. Shooting someone in the back is probably the most cowardly thing anyone can do. Way more than running away, which is removing one self from an uncomfortable situation.

I worry about dying before I get even. I worry about my bank account's overdraft.

I like the convenience of buying oranges while I'm waiting at a stop-light, and I'm pretty sure the Latin midget selling them to me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator packing carton outside Little Havana. The stupid. It hurts.

I think turkey bacon sucks. Veg head and I didn't eat that sort of thing even when I ate meat.

I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are gonna be gang-banging hommies. Maybe because you sound like a racist asshole with too much free time and no enough brain power to process what's actually going on in the real world. That pointed enough?

I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. Everything is political.

I like hard women, hard liquor and a hard bowel movement first thing in the morning. Sounds like you need a life style change to that involving AA and an enema.

I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your living room. I suggest shopping at IKEA then. Because everybody knows you can catch Teh Ghey Lithp at Pottery Barn *lets the wrist dangle at optimum range with which to smack*

I'll admit that the only movies that ever made me cry was Sands of Iwo Jima and Ole Yeller. I can hardly think of a movie where I didn't cry... for some reason.

I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. How very Jimmy Dean of you.

Sometimes I throw my beer can in the trash, even when the recycle bin is just a few more steps away. That's just laziness, dude. I mean really.

Making love is fine, but sometimes I just wanna get laid. True that.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise. I bet you watch Fox News.

Yes, I'm a bad American. I may be a bad one, if I was one. But you sound like you're a part of the American dream.


*Or Master Piss as I like to say at times.

Comments

[sabotabby]

Sounds like you need a life style change to that involving AA and an enema.

Heh.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I mean, surely he's be less of an asshole if he had more regular poopies!

[mrvetinari.livejournal.com]

Man, I am utterly tired of people expressing pride in their ignorance, intolerance, or laziness, and then stitching together their various shortcomings as a human being into a philosophy and calling it "South Park Republican" or "Libertarian" or something.

Being American, but being one of the fortunate few who has seen things beyond the developed world, I sometimes think we are doomed with the baggage of this idiocy for at least a generation.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I just don't get why he's so angry... I mean, dude, he's obviously living a very comfortable life where he has time to watch bad reality tv.

What's he got to complain about?

[aesiron.livejournal.com]

I've seen variations on this thing a few times over the years and it always makes me roll my eyes. I agree with a fair bit of it in either theory or practice but it's obviously just a screed against anyone that isn't white, male, or Christian couched in faux populism.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

As you can see, there's a fair bit that I agree with as well... though possibly for very different reasons than this guy touts.

I mean, this persecution paranoia is only possible when you can see the end of your life style as you know it, where the default in put into question.

[danamaree.livejournal.com]

Aha. I thought you were only a bad american if you didn't have at least 5 flags in your front yard/house.

Unpatriotic is bad. Or so I've been learning from the American election.

- not American.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I believe that dissent is pretty patriotic... I mean it's not loyalty to the gov. that counts, it's a love of the people that you're a part of, imo.

[danamaree.livejournal.com]

Personally I very much agree, but I don't think the established powerbase would feels the same way.