More on the Faith/Religion Thing

[eumelia]

hagar_972 and I seem to be going back and forth on this subject.

The people I work for as a nanny are religious, but they don't just wear a kippah, keep a kosher home, or have lots of Jewish books around.
They really believe and I find it very heart warming that there are still people who don't just pay lip-service to the mitzvot, but actually do their best to live a good like in a Jewish way.
To the Nice Jewish Girl in me, it's lovely.
To the Nice "Heretic" Pagan Grrl in me, it is absolutely mind boggling.


The Grandfather has a Talmud teacher come in every morning and they ask the Questions and discuss the Answers and it's very fascinating and I even ask my own questions when I feel it is appropriate, but this doesn't happen often because it's a private lesson and not to mention that I feel it's a bit ridiculous. Mainly because the majority of the Questions are trivial and the Laws upon which they are based are fairly dogmatic, but one the things about Judaism is that it moves along with the times and doesn't stagnate with old Laws. The Halacha is an organic "document" so to speak, and the cosmology of the Jewish world is all encompassing and universal, for every actual question you have, you open up the appropriate book and you'll find the answer you need.
It's both an easy way to live and extremely difficult; it's easy because all your questions are in theory, already answered and difficult, because one must abide by rules and laws that tell you how to live.

I could never live like that. Never. I could never have a question or a crisis of faith go to a Rabi who will give me a few psukim or a book of some kind and tell me "this is the answer to your question", but questions beget questions and despite the fact that Judaism is an all encompassing cosmology, how can it answer my questions about my self worth, when it tells me that I can't find my own answers inside myself and that only GD has the answers and that only certain people can judge what the right answer is or if even my question is relevant to anything.
Rule and laws, when it comes to faith, are constricting, faith (and religion) should be about exploration and about trying to become better than what I am. I remember just a year ago, I managed to get over my unrequited love/infatuation phase with a friend of mine, it was because I achieved a level of self-worth that wasn't there before. This guy, I felt, inspired me and made me want to be better than what I am. It's terrible when you can't find that strength and quality within yourself. That is why the Jewish GD and Jewish Laws are good, they create a frame where the believer (and in this case worshiper) receives all the support he or she needs in order to better themselves.
But it is these same Laws/Limits that cause me the greatest frustration, why would GD, in Their* Benevolence and Omnipotence really care about these arbitrary things.
These Laws/Limits are obviously for people, and not GD, I mean duh, it's a way of living life to the best of their ability, but most of the time, these Laws/Limits are just obstacle in my way of leading a spiritual and faithful life.

My Mother told me more than once, that one of the great things about Israel is that she doesn't need to do anything in order to be Jewish, because here everyone** is.

So what does this mean to me, and my search?

Footnotes
*Spoken in the neutral not necessarily the plural

**Not every citizen in Israel is Jewish but we can smooth over that for the sake of argument.

Comments

[hakuzo.livejournal.com]

I have family like that, only they are christian. It drives me absolutely nuts.

As for your quest, I think it's great you are asking questions. It's ok to get answers from others, or from books, but remember that those answers are from their perspective. It may be biased, partially correct, or not correct at all, but it doesn't mean that it's without value. Dialog is important, and no matter what answer you are given, you will have something to contemplate.

Judaism is Richer

[(Anonymous)]

I would guess that many Jews share both your attraction to and ambivalence to Judaism. One of the problems here, however, is that the understanding of "Judaism" presented here is very narrow. There are many ways to think about "Judaism" in a way that goes beyond a naive piety or rote behaviors. My own book might be useful for helping to think through some of these issues: *Creating Judaism: History, Tradition, Practice* (Columbia University Press). The associated website and blog at: www.creatingjudaism.com.

[antongarou.livejournal.com]

It seems that you equate Judaism only with the Orthodox part, have you looked into the Conservative and/or Reformist part thereof.I don't know much about them but I think that especially the Reformist movement has addressed your issue with dictates- IIRC matters of Halacha are considered to be between the individual and GD, with the Rabbis acting as "professional consultants" of sorts.It may be a good idea to ask ravrhi if you're interested since she knows much more about Reormed Judaism then me.

It may also be worth remembering that the Orthodox movement itself isn't monolithic, an Israeli e-acquaintance of mine(ה"נוער" של בוג'י, אם את מכירה) wrote that in "her" synagogue there are women and/or mixed minyans, the Torah makes the rounds between everyone and the cantor stands in the middle between the עזרות.One of the things that were said in the comments was that the Ashkenazi Halacha is in a crisis since such a large part of the more פrogressive part died in the Holocaust.

PS.As to the "true believers" thing- I know many people like that, some of them most of my life as they're family.I actually didn't know there were people who professed religion without having it until my teens or thereabout.

[hagar-972.livejournal.com]

I know of at least one orthodox synagogue where women may be cantor and girls read from the Torah on their Bat Mitzva. They insist that they're orthodox - they respect the Halach, they just apply... creative interpretation sometimes.

(Shira Hadasha. Jerusalem.)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

My Conservative Shul also respects the Halacha, with Women cantors and mixed minyans and women in talleisim etc. But they also live in the now, which is probably why we're not Orthodox.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

My family is Conservative, I'm a member of one of the most egalitarian shuls in Israel.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

In addition, I know a woman Rabi and have asked her questions, I've never had any actual expireince with Orthodox Judaism other than with my brother-in-laws family (and he's a יוצא בשאלה) and he also answered many of my questions when I had them.
During my time in America I attended many different kinds of Minyans, many of them "alternative" and very American. I know the different kinds of Jewish, and I really have no problem with being a Jewish girl, I in fact feel immensely proud of being Jewish, it's a major part of my identity, but my ideas of faith, GD and cosmology seem to not mesh.

[antongarou.livejournal.com]

Got you.