An anniversary of sorts

[eumelia]

Today a year ago I was released from active service.
A year ago today I stopped being a soldier.

Amazing how the thought patterns remain the same and how different they are from my way of thinking before I was drafted.
It could come down to the fact that at 18 I was a silly teenager who had never been away from home and had never done anything remotely resembling independent action and thought.

How quickly these little things change.

Tomorrow it will be three years since I'd entered the Army, and one (at least I) feel uncomfortable with remembering these dates, because in the long run it's not theses dates that mean anything, especially now that all the benefits *snort* I received as a released soldier are now void and I am now just another citizen/civilian (אזרחית מן המיניין) I can see how the army has changed me, because despite all the horribleness, depression, insecurity and despair; it was also probably the best time of my life up until now.
I have yet to feel at home anywhere as I did in the rec-rooms during lunch time where I had my mid-day meal and coffee with the people who are now my closest friends (you know who you are :).

I also realised that I have this ability to do whatever the hell I want and that as long as the paper-work is given in at some point and that nothing was "on the record" I can do what I like, so for a yeah and a half I worked as a soldier in the Unit I am now reserved in, but I was registered in a Unit whose correspondence with the Unit I actually served was close to nil.
I even brought forth the cancellation of a job in that Unit, because it just wasn't manned.
I have saved future soldiers from a job that would turn their brains into much and make them lax in their everyday lives.

Go me!

I also developed an unwavering cynical view on life, because really, you can't do anything in the army unless you devalue your interaction with people, because they absolutely suck! I did lots of things in the army I'm proud of (it's all hush-hush, since I'm paranoid) and none of it had to do with the people I served with, yeah some of them were nice, most of them should be boiled in hot oil and left to steep underground so that the smell of their flesh permeates all the computer wires and that the soul eaters in the depths of the bunker devours them!

Yeah, I'm a little bit bitter.
But not much.
Really.

Whatever.

So I'm a cynical opportunistic bitcah, I'm lucky I wasn't crushed by the multitude of egomania prevalent in Air Force Intelligence!

You can go both ways in the army, you either embrace militaristic and paternalistic thought processes and go out believing that all Arabs should die.

Or you can end up like me; I ended up a humanist feminist radical (Not to mention Queer, but that's just me).

A third option of course is to remain indifferent as the day you went in, which is probably healthier for you in the long run, but makes for boring conversation :)

Comments

[hagar-972.livejournal.com]

Are you truly cynical, or are you hurt?

What parts of what you say, and what measure of the forcefullness with which you say it, stem from your beliefs and their strength - and what measure/parts stem from bitterness?

Do you feel that the good and the bad of a situation compensate for/disvalue each other, or do you perceive them as two independant balances? (Or, alternatively, do you hold one of the above-suggested views but would rather hold the other?)

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I'm cynical because I was hurt and I was hurt in the army because it was the first time I realised that people (at least most of them) just don't give a shit.
And the Army shows the construction of our society in an almost extreme way and the way we interact with people on various levels in the army, it's fairly easy to see how we're going to interact with people in civilian life.

[hagar-972.livejournal.com]

It's a lesson I learned the long way, Mel: acting and feeling cynical because of hurt, and truly being cynical are not the same thing - though it may feel the same, for a while.

(What you say, in the above comment and many times before, about the IDF supposedly representing everything else - I don't agree. I used to feel the same way, and enough time and experience showed me that it's not true.)

The three questions I asked in my first comment, consider them, okay? Read each one carefully enough that you understand the meaning behind the words, and not the meaning of the words.

[lifeofresearch.livejournal.com]

This may seem off topic but honest it is not because I read your post twice. My reaction is simply this, the more I read your writings the more I want to know you in person and the more I love you as a friend. You will find that I am a supporter of gay people because they are beautiful people that make this world a better place. Keep on blossoming.

[cziganybriella.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I grew up on a Naval Weapons Base. Our weapons of mass destruction where tested right out side of my elementary school. I don't even notice sonic booms anymore.

When I was younger I thought nothing of. Everyone goes through security clearance to get to kindergarten. Everyone is thumb printed and given a badge to go to the grocery store, right?

Anyway, the older I got the more sailors I met. The more sailors I met the more I hated the military. It wasn't activists that changed my mind about the military. It was the E3's that changed me. They tell you all day long about how their soul is gone. They talk about how their brainwashed. They talk about how much booze they need to get through their day because that's the only outlet they're allowed and they're pretty sure that rule serves to mentally rape them, too. Women who were raped and no one cared. My favourite being a woman refusing sexual advanced from a commanding officer so they tied her down to a board and sprayed a pressurized hose in her face until she vomited.

It's pathetic and seemingly unnecessary. Do we really need to do this to human beings in order to show other countries who has the biggest perverbial dick?

I've heard your story a million times and everytime it degrades my idea about our (wo)men of arms a little more.

[eumelia.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I'm unfamiliar with the term E3's.

Earlier this year, there was a huge scandal about the daughter of an officer who slept with about 30 soldiers (NCO's and Officers both) at an IAF base. It was "inconclusive" that there was actual rape because no one was aware of the fact that she was a minor and the fact that she "consented" to all their advances.

Basically it was huge cover-up. This is an extreme example, but it's an example none the less of corruption with in the IDF.

[cziganybriella.livejournal.com]

E3's are low ranking sailors. It's the navy's bottom of the barrel.

[nurint.livejournal.com]

חג פז"ם שמח
:)

אני מתגעגעת למועדון, ולקריאת קטעי סוויני...

[cue-revolution.livejournal.com]

they cancelled that job??! haha hilarious.

i think it's difficult devoting that much time when you're still young and kinda naive about the world, but despite (or because of?) the uncomfortable memories, you've come out better for it and you really seem to have a passion for life and your beliefs.