Not Anonymous

My speech (which, no matter what people say, has never been absolutely free) has been curtailed in a frightening way.

I cannot tell you which companies not to buy from, because I could get sued and fined (but not confined) for it.

The "anti-Boycott" law which passed last week in the Knesset, the Israeli Parliament stipulates that it is a civil wrong (not a criminal offence) to call for a boycott on Israeli made, well, anything.

It is meant to protect Settlement made goods from the West Bank from financial loss.

In effect, it punishes people from doing the most non-violent action possible, asking people to be conciousness consumers.

I am not telling you to boycott, because that would open me up for law suits that could sue me for more money that I've got, due to hypothetical financial loss.

If ever there was a time for you to learn about the Boycott, Divestment and Sanction campaign and movement, it is now.

But, well, I can't tell you what you should do regarding that.

I scraped and dented my parents' new car yesterday.

I'm not used to driving it yet, so I thought taking it out for a short drive would be helpful as I'd actually like to use this car more often than I used our previous one.

The big difference is that this car is an automatic and I'm used to driving a stick and dude, those cars drive themselves! I'm not used to not having total control over how fast a car is going, so when I pulled out of the drive way I took the turn to quickly and well... a scrape and a dent.

I'm feeling really guilty.

But well, as a friend said, better to have a few bangs and scrapes now and then than die in one big accident.

Ain't that the truth.

---

I'm not managing to keep up with reports coming in from Bahrain, Iran, Libya, Yemen, etc. I'm mainly following on Twitter, which is very quick on the updates.

In the mean time, in my locale, the Army has fired rubber bullets at Israeli citizens for the first time since October 2000. But who counts the Bedouin as Israeli citizens any way...

Not because of the events themselves. One of the things I enjoy about facebook is seeing all the things I don't have time to do or I'm too lazy to attend fly by and be spoken about by those who did go and enjoy themselves.

I'm going to an events I found on Facebook this evening, hopefully accompanied by a friend, but also maybe not.

I'm going to listen to a panel at the Tel-Aviv LGBT Centre regarding the discriminatory paragraph on the blood donor's restriction guidelines. As with the rest of most Western countries in the world Israel also restricts gay men and men who have sex with men from donating blood due to being a "risk group" for HIV/AIDS.

So, I'll be going this evening to hear a panel on the subject. The speakers are going to be a representative from the QUILBAG outreach branch of the Israel AIDS task force, a researcher from an education and youth organisation movement and the chair of the MADA (the Red Star of David, our version of the Red Cross/Crescent) blood bank.

I'm looking forward to it, as a regular donor and queer person, it's one of my regular peeves that I talk about when discussing institutionalised homophobia and an issue I try to discuss with the blood technicians; most of the time they're like "we're just doing our job, we have no control over policy" which is fair, but irritating and sometimes I actually manage to have an interesting discussion with some of them (usually women technicians) and during one of those conversations I was told that the Israeli policy is part of a world wide policy recommended by the Red Cross - something I'd not known at the time (this was about three years ago, I think).

It's worth starting discussions with people who poke you with needles, I say.

In any event, yesterday, I posted the event on Facebook and put out a general request of "who's coming with me?".

The discussion that transpired irritated me to the level of KEY-BOARD-SMASH!!!!!!.

I'll spare you the details as they're not that important and interesting. Not to mention, they're in Hebrew. However, there was something that was written that made me double take and got my ears roaring.

There was agreement (total, I might add) that the restrictive paragraph was discriminatory and wrong, but the gay community (at this point we were talking about gay men specifically, because they're the group that's eschewed from being able to donate) contributes to its image.
Meaning?
That there is a culture of casual sex and one night stands in the gay community that isn't as widespread like in straight culture - casual sex and one night stands create a higher risk of infection.

My mind, it was blown. My blood, it was boiling.

I tried, really really hard to explain, why that kind of statement is homophobic and victim blaming. No dice and this discussion went on for hours on and off. It even went on to say that some women are to blame for sexism.

Fucking hell.

Now, the thing is, the person saying all that, I don't know 'em very well, but I like 'em and they like me as well and we're becoming friends and the discussion itself is interesting, but I'm finding it very hard to keep an even keel and cool head in light of this espousing of bullshit.

Hence the aforementioned KEY-BOARD-SMASH!!!!!!.

Facebook is stress causing in this case. I can tell you that if someone had said this crap to my face in person I'm pretty sure I would have thrown something heavy at that person's head.
And left the room with a door slam.
I'm dramatic that way (my officer's nick name for me during my Army service was Melodrama).

I know I haven't given y'all nearly enough info regarding what was actually said in the discussion for you to actually have an opinion on who was right, but honestly, I don't care.

I'm sick and tired of being in a position in which the basic humanity of individuals of a certain group needs to be proven as actually worth while, existent and ratified. Especially when I'm the company of so-called straight allies and friends - yeah, in case it wasn't obvious, the person I was commenting back and forth with is straight - there was another participant and their input didn't make want to, once again, KEY-BOARD-SMASH!!!!!!.

I think I'll go check if I have company this evening.

Ever since I asked you peeps to tell me what you'd like to read from me, one subject has taken over my brain and I've been trying to articulate it for days in my mind.

It's a personal subject that involves an ongoing history and self-perception. Some of that history makes several people in my life look bad and me look even worse. But that's how the cookie crumbles I suppose.

The story of how I came out as queer (first as bisexual, though that word seriously does not suit me, but it's the only one I've got) is an ongoing project.

It is something, I assume, will continue to happen for the rest of my life.

When I was 15 and came out to some family members I thought that would be the end of it. Then one family member told me to be quiet about it and not mention it ever again (well, not in those words, but that's how it felt at the time). You'd think my monthly excursions to the local "Rocky Horror Picture Show" would be a clue - hell, I played Magenta a couple of times on stage and memorably, the Red Door (yeah, I was playfully accosted by the Eddie at the time... it was hilarious).

In any event, ten years ago, I thought that if I came out that's it. I'm done. Everyone would know and I'd never have to talk about it ever again.

God, I was so naive. Beyond naive. Effing clueless. ( Cut for length and some frank discussion of sex )

This ended up way more convoluted than I intended. Hopefully it made sense to you all. Questions and requests for clarification are welcome!

For the first time since Thursday I'm finally feeling normal. The 'rental units are still insisting I take some fever reducing meds, which yes, I know makes me sound 15 rather than 25, but you know what, they thought I was dying so I don't mind.

But yay! I'm finally compos mentis enough to write about things.

I was debating whether to write about the crap political situation. After all, what else is new?
So, sorry folks, for my opinion on the Piss Talks and what happened on the Jewish Flotilla... bad timing, will probably not happen. As well as an update on the alleged "rape by coercion" which is alleged, simply because apparently it was an actual rape of a previously victimised woman and what it says about the justice system, the media and the ability of victims to tell their story. I might update on that later on.

Speaking of victims.

I'm finding the sudden focus on queer teen suicide in the News to be odd and unsettling, beyond the teen suicide issue, which has always been unsettling, but the stark focus we're suddenly seeing coming out of the USA is particularly disturbing. What I'm trying to understand is, why? I mean, for those of us who look out for these stories, these incidences of bullying, cyber-bullying, violence and assault upon queer youth isn't rare... it's fucking ubiquities.
As someone else on my f-list mentioned, the media is framing this as another kind of "Shark Attack", that is, making the rare seem far more common than it actually is.

Teen suicide is ubiquitous. A higher than the over all median percentage of teen suicides can be found within the queer slice, the majority of them are boys (because boys have a better "success" rate than girls) and trans kids all over the spectrum.

Along with Dan Savage's (who I find personally unpalatable) It Gets Better project and the other campaigns popping up like We Got your Back (created because of Savage's, um, unpalatable history and character), older projects like The Trevor Project and locally speaking There is Some to Talk To (Hebrew page), which is a hot-line and not a suicide prevention project or even a general stay positive and alive project like the other ones are.

So yes, there are projects aimed at keeping queers alive.

Is this sudden interest by the US mainstream media into the tragic ends of gay kids a turn for the better, a reaction to the social changes that are being pushed by mainstream QUILTBAG activism - the fight for marriage and the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"?

Meh. I say.

As I said, the US mainstream media covering these suicides are treating this as though there is this sudden surge or epidemic in queer teen suicides. Well, it's lovely how the media constructs message and narrative, isn't it.

Firstly, from what I've read, there doesn't seem to be any specific blame placed upon the fact that society, as a whole, treats gay people as pariahs. Formal rights or not, the heterosexual default and social imperative reign supreme, if we're not actively discriminated against, we're tolerated as perverts who should be happy with what we've got.

Secondly, the surprise and shock that we're supposed to feel at this horrible turn of events. Queer rights have come a long way in the past twenty years. Of this there is no doubt. But seriously, seriously not enough and things are less than stellar, especially considering what I've mentioned in my "Firstly". So, dead queers. What else is new? Oh, it's children, teens, won't someone think of them and save them? Well, seeing as their (usually) heterosexual peers are the ones bullying them to death, due to the fact that they haven't grasped the notion of tolerance (acceptance? Pfft!) and that bullying does not happen in a vacuum. Even if the specific bullying is a one time occurrence, the underlying cause of targeting a specific person because they are queer is a continuous and often tautological problem: social norms mark queers as targets for abuse who are abused because of social norms.

As for these suicide prevention, positive thinking, personal stories in order to encourage solidarity, those are good and have their place and I have a real admiration to you who are pushing them - despite my aversion from things Dan Savage - there's one thing I'm not seeing on the same level.

Outrage. Anger. Being fucking Pissed Off.

Yes, gay youth suicide is much more abstract than DADT and Marriage and AIDS and actual discrimination under the law. And I'm not sure there can be this kind of front of solidarity in the face of suicide - much like other Radical Queer struggles which seek to upturn the intersected hierarchies of oppression; the gender binary, the privilege of the couple, the marginalisation of BDSM - these struggles somehow appear much more abstract, because they've not been taken in mainstream activism.

All queer people suffer under *phobia, one way or another, not everyone commits suicide... that doesn't mean, the pain is less sharp or demeaning.

I had a really frustrating discussion today.
It's felt very much of dismissal and prioritising the "struggle".

I dunno.

I mean, is the threat fascism in Israel (which is very real) more than the Homophobia inherent in this machismo and militaristic society?

Hearing the words "Homophobia is a prejudice found in every society and really, things are much better than they were 10 and even 15 years ago" is incredibly glib and frustrating to hear.
Especially considering who tends to be the victims of fascist, ethnocratic and theocratic governments.

Just a thought. Call me over sensitive, but I tend to find connections between rampant prejudice and jingoism.

It may not appear so, but the fact that in the same week I read about a family being treated as second class citizens at a national park because they're gay and the Tel-Aviv Police Department backing out on an expedition to Berlin regarding combating Homophobia related crime.
Who needs fucking "tolerance" when we have consumer surveys asking people if they'd mind travelling with Arabs on the future light rail in Jerusalem.

While I'm often an in-your-face aggressive Levantinit myself, this kind of unapologetic prejudice is just despicable. I suppose I should be greatful we're not even pretending. But then again, no one seems to be aware of this racism thing. You know, that we're racist.

Fuck it.

I'm pissed about a lot of things. It may not be good for my health, but it keeps me going. My outrage fatigue creeps up, but seriously, when I hear people say separate the issues deliberately and really I'm not a proponent of the whole "one struggle, one fight" ideal, it makes me wonder where the Left has gone wrong.

To prioritise "issues" according to some arbitrary criterion is irritating and frustrating and reminds me of the article that circulated a few weeks ago, Why Misogynists Make Great Informants: How Gender Violence on the Left Enables State Violence in Radical Movements:

The guys who said they would complete a task, didn’t do it, brushed off their compañeras’ demands for accountability, let those women take over the task, and when it was finished took all the credit for someone else’s hard work. The graduate student who hit his partner—and everyone knew he’d done it, but whenever anyone asked, people would just look ashamed and embarrassed and mumble, “It’s complicated.” The ones who constantly demeaned queer folks, even people they organized with. Especially the one who thought it would be a revolutionary act to “kill all these faggots, these niggas on the down low, who are fucking up our children, fucking up our homes, fucking up our world, and fucking up our lives!” The one who would shout you down in a meeting or tell you that you couldn’t be a feminist because you were too pretty. Or the one who thought homosexuality was a disease from Europe.

Yeah, that guy.

I'd really appreciate it, if we stopped shooting ourselves in the foot.

Just an idea.

I'm going to eat something. I'm starving.

Are you ready to read about some politics?

Are you ready to read about the fact that soon those who advocate (as in speak words) economic boycott against Israeli products will be criminalised?

Are you ready to read about the fact Israel believes that the Occupation is a public relations problem and not an actual human rights problem?

Are any of these things News to you?

They are not to me, but here's the gist. The Boycott, Divest and Sanction movement is gaining momentum. So much so, that politicians are running scared and have drafted a law (which has already passed a first reading - for a Bill to be passed it needs to pass three reads in the Knesset) in which supporting, advocating and participating in BDS activities will be criminalised: Seriously.
Of course, this all came about because the Palestinian Authority boycotted Israel first!

Wrong.

The most brutal, naked boycott is, of course, the siege on Gaza and the boycott of Hamas. At Israel's behest, nearly all Western countries signed onto the boycott with inexplicable alacrity. This is not just a siege that has left Gaza in a state of shortage for three years. Nor is it just a complete (and foolish ) boycott of Hamas, save for the discussions over abducted soldier Gilad Shalit. It's a series of cultural, academic, humanitarian and economic boycotts. Israel threatens nearly every diplomat who seeks to enter Gaza to see firsthand the unbearable sights.

The Israeli mind set, of which mine does not escape, views everything in terms of warfare, something that Dr. Dalit Baum articulated in the video embedded below. A boycott, by it's definition, is a pro-active non-violent form of protest by abstaining from economically participating and dealing with bodies, organisations and governments whose policies, for instance, you do not believe deserve to be supported.



But that, that's Antisemitism right there, not willing to wheel and deal with Israelis, well... that's you being a hateful bigot isn't it?

Never mind that an Arab man is currently in hospital for talking to a Jewish girl. But no, there's no racism.
None at all

It's all, one big PR problem. And you who are freakin' fantastic at PR?
Gays.
Yep, Liberals in Europe and the United States always approve of the Gays.
I mean, all Israel needs is a little re-branding.
Gays made the best logos.
Especially when they host great parties and have a fabulous night life.
C'mon over my brothers! Tel Aviv is just the City for you.

Don't mind that girl who was beaten to a bloody pulp by her brothers because she's trangender (the girl is constantly misgendered in the article).
Or the fact that it has been a whole entire fucking year since the murder at the Gay Youth club and the murderer is still at large.

But no, we queers have to be the pretty face Israel presents the world because while we continue to benefit for activist judges and some social progression, the IDF proclaims itself to be under no obligation to protect civilians. By the way, that white phosphorus Israel has been denying it used during the assault on Gaza? Well, now we're going to "reduce its use".
Brilliant hypocrisy.
Just fucking brilliant.

This is what Israeli democracy looks like - with Loyalty tests, religious persecution, racial inequality, human rights violations and hijacking the language of human rights in order to paint ourselves as better, more accepting, more tolerant and Normal.

Delibarete stupidity.

The Knesset is expected to look into the possibility that Israel Nature and Parks Authority guides at the Soreq Cave Nature Reserve are concealing the true age of the cavern's stalactites and the stalagmites so as not to offend the beliefs of Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox visitors.

A teacher who toured the Jerusalem-area cave on Sunday with first and second graders from a science-oriented school in the south said the guide told her students the formations were very old, but refused to say how old.

The stalactites and stalagmites are estimated by scientists to be around 300,000 years old. The guide said she was not allowed to give that figure so as not to conflict with the faith of those who believe the world is around 5,000 years old.

"I was shocked," the teacher said Monday. "We are a science school, not an ultra-Orthodox school. How can such information be concealed from pupils?"

I'll tell you how.

Fear.

For some obscure reason, people are afraid of religious people and institutions in this country. I'm not sure if it has always been this way, I know that I have always hated and resented the fact that religious institutions are funded by the tax payers cash and that we are forced to live by their demands.

Fear, because they riot in the street and demand freedom from democracy. Yes, that's right, the ultra-orthodox want to be free from democracy, but retain the rights and benefits and citizenship.

This is a fucking outrage.

We're afraid of offending the poor religious people's feelings?! For fuck's sake they're the ones who believe in magic!

And you know what offends me?

That facts, figures and opinions are stymied by people who are too closed minded, cowardly and deliberately ignorant to accept that their myths are exactly that.

Myths.

Two years ago, I went to Bil'in. To those unaware, Bil'in is a Palestinian village in the West Bank that was and still is the forerunner in the popular struggle against the Separation wall cutting through the landscape and usurping Palestinian land beyond the Green Line (the historical 1967 border).

Two years ago I went to Bil'in and I haven't been back. I haven't been to the West Bank since.

Mainly, because I'm afraid.

I'm a coward, because I long for normality. I know many who go to Bil'in, Al-Massarah, Wallaga, Nialin, Nabi-Sallah, Sheikh Jarrah and I don't.

I'm scared of the violence. I'm scared of being arrested. I'm afraid of seeing again what I saw two years ago in that little village, what I dub in my mind as the little village that could.

With much guilt I sometimes pretend everything is okay.

The flotilla disaster was not a wake up call, it was another knot in the string of violence committed in the name of keeping Israel from showing its dirty bloody laundry.

Since the flotilla disaster, criticism and threats of isolation have grown, more and more performing artists have said they weren't going to be performing in Israel (I have a ticket to K's Choice performance in September*, we'll see...) and it has put to the average Israeli into a tizzy.

Everyone hates us. The whole world is Antisemitic. We just want to live our lives.

We can't. I can't. Because they don't.

See what I did there.

It's so easy, living where I do, in an affluent middle-class town, less then half an hour drive to Tel-Aviv and to the cultural events of that place, to forget the price we pay for that comfort. That not twenty minutes away from my sister's flat in Jerusalem there are riots because Palestinian homes are being evicted in order to enable Jews to live there comfortably.

My life, is not normal, by virtue of living in a place that creates a doublespeak and a doublethink on what's political, what is societal and what is a crime.

I broke the law two years ago when I went to Bil'in, because I crossed the border by jumping over a fence and not going through a blockade. I went there and smelt the tear gas and saw the bullets hit.
That is where the average Israeli can see that things are shite.
Because beyond the border, in Israel, not in Palestine, things are okay... I will not be arrested, I will not be attacked on campus for walking past a demo... I do not fear the authorities, even though I am threatened by them.

Israelis just want to watch the World Cup, drink their beer and go to an open air concert. They just want to live their lives like every average Joe.

But we are not average. This is an abnormal state.

We have always been at war (with Eurasia).

The Occupation is not over there and it's not about them. The Occupation is the fact that every high-tech company works with the Military on something, the Occupation is the fact that the Palestinians are another market to exploit, both in the West Bank and in Gaza. The Occupation is the fact that our economy is based on the fact that the Palestinians are starving.

This is not about who has the bigger dick. This is about the smoke-screen of normality we Israeli Jews live within and don't seem to be able to see through. That it is beyond ideology, religion and all that crap, it's not about who won the war and how many died on which side... it is about the fact that there are those who exploit and those who are exploited.

I have the fortune of being on the exploiting side, which is why I can chose to not go to the West Bank and see 18-20 year old boys and girls mindlessly follow orders and shoot directly into a mass of people who are there because they live there.

I live here too. Despite my many whinges and whines about immigrating, I cannot imagine living any where else.
Maybe it's my Zionist upbringing, maybe it's pure bloody stubbornness and maybe it's simply that I don't want to be a stranger.

I want people to stop starving so that enable drink my Fair Trade coffee in that nice cafe that has African workers who may or may not be refugees from Sudan or Eritrea.

You can say, well all places are crap, what with Kyrgyzstan starting to genocide, just as an example.

But that's deflection, that's ignoring the mess in your own house in order to make snide comments about someone else's dirty laundry.

No country is perfect and it may seem unfair that Israel is singled out in this criticism, but if you look at the fact that all Israel's gotten over the past 40+ years have been the equivalents of the US wagging its finger and the UN saying without much force "hey, now, what you're doing is not so good", I'd say we are getting off pretty fucking lightly in the wake of the amount of damage we've done to this country and the fact that our economy (have I mentioned?!) relies on the fact that the people we keep under siege and imprisoned in their Bantustans continue to be weak, lacking in leadership and without any sense of stability in their life - which yeah, not all (or even most) Israelis have that either, but ask yourself... why?

This post was inspired by this Hebrew blog entry, which should be translated pronto, hopefully by someone with more time than I.

*Thank you nurint!

Congratulations America,

I'm glad you're joined the ranks of Britain, The Netherlands, Sweden and Israel (among other nations) who do not allow soldiers to be discriminated with regards to their sexuality.

Kudos, America. Kudos.

Throughout the years in which I've heard and listened to the truly demoralising state of queers in the American Armed Forces, I've always heard Israel being used as a prime example of how inclusive the IDF is to gay men and women.

I mean, there's no institutionalised discrimination like in the US (did I mention Kudos).

Because as Sen. Barney Frank is quoted saying:

"[that the IDF is] as effective a fighting force as has existed in modern times,” does not bar gay men or lesbians from service.

It is truly a mark of progression.

I'm cynical. And yes, I am using this as an opportunity to be critical of my own locale, because it irks me to see Israel venerated as an oasis of equality and democracy in the Middle East. Considering our neighbors, I find it quite offensive that we're bragging about how good "we" are to queers, when it should be fucking human decency!

The two worst insults you will hear among Israeli soldiers will be "Gay" or "Female", both of which allude to the same thing - "you're not man enough".
No insult is greater.
While there is no legal discrimination against gays in the army, and up until 1993 gays were not allowed to serve in the Intelligence services because they were prone to blackmail and up until that decision outed gays were told to tattle on other gay soldiers.

Things aren't bad.

Then again, Israel was always a little a head of the curve from the US when it came to gay rights. But then another again, why compare ourselves to an ocean away when just a leap to, say, Sweden, and we're put smack back among our neighbors.

But that's in Israel. If you're Jewish and served your country, you'll just be murdered once in a while, or told you're a disease by Members of Knesset. You won't be discriminated against.
Much.
You know, except when you want to donate blood, or have children.

Gay men, that is.

What's a Lesbian?

Bi and Trans... mythological fringe identities, at the very least.

My point? Oh, yeah, homosexuality is still used as blackmail material in the West Bank by the Shin-Bet (Israel's Security Agency, my friends and I like to call them the Stasistim) to get Palestinians to collaborate. And then they need to be given asylum in Israel for being gay.
I like how for security reasons the stratification of homophobia in the most disenfranchised population is encouraged.

It is truly a mark regression.

Once again America. Welcome to a fairer, more equal Army experience.