Coming Out Shenanigens
Aug. 5th, 2009 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eumeliaToday I came out to my hair dresser, who has been cutting my hair for seven years.
It had never come up, because I had never spoken to her about anyone I had been dating, I'd vent about my mom, we'd talk about my hair... sexuality was not the top of the agenda.
Her exclamation of surprise: "You're gay?!" irked me a bit, but that passed and now I can process why that is.
Obviously the whole discussion came up because I went to get a hair cut in order to somehow make a change in myself and somehow deal with the tragedy of my community.
I mentioned that that was one of the reasons I needed a hair cut.
"You were there?" she asked anxiously.
"No," I replied "but it was an attack on my community"
"You're gay?!" she exclaimed.
Feeling far too worn out to start the whole gay vs. bi thing I simply said "Yeah".
"Well hello!"
The next half an hour was filled with me talking, venting and pretty much being pissed off, but nicely.
What irked me, is the constant assumption of heterosexuality. I'm not blaming my hair dresser or anything, this is the way society is constructed. The assumption is that most people are straight, so how are we supposed to know who is not until they say so.
And along with the assumption of heterosexuality, come the stigma of queer.
I've now veered away from my hair dresser (my hair looks great, just my the way).
Through out the past few days, I've been reading articles upon articles telling me that the police have no clue as to where the gunman is.
People raising hypothesis that this was a vendetta by a spurned lover, that it was a self-hating queer person who was rejected from the youth group (what?!) and of course that the LGBT community are falsely accusing the Orthodox community and spreading the hate.
I have had it up to *here*, I swear.
My dad asked me about that "lead" the police had regarding the spurned lover and at the vigil I attended yesterday someone glibly said that if it the killer wasn't hate motivated then it would feel really empty.
I opened my mouth on both that person and my dad:
#1 How can one even try and justify murder in that way, because that's what it is. Trying to find an "excuse" as to why a killer decided to kill.
#2 It's derailment of the issue. This is a hate crime. Homophobia is a prejudice that goes on without censure. It is transparent, it is jokes and violence committed because of it goes under reported more often than not.
#3 The degradation and defamation of LGBT people is ongoing. The reason we had no "build up" for this tragedy is because we are under constant attack. All the time. Every day. Every where. And no, I'm not exaggerating.
And finally #4 Whoever this person was, he didn't just go after one person, or a specific individual. The man carried an Uzi. That mass destruction and multiple shots in rapid succession.
Coming out to my hair dresser (see what I did there) was my choice. Those kids lying in the hospital were Outed in a way that will leave them scarred forever, beyond the physical and emotional trauma of being the victims of a shooting attack because some of the families have rejected them.
We've been told to not be afraid.
I can't help but seethe in the dark and I am afraid.
That ended up being much more dramatic than I intended..
It had never come up, because I had never spoken to her about anyone I had been dating, I'd vent about my mom, we'd talk about my hair... sexuality was not the top of the agenda.
Her exclamation of surprise: "You're gay?!" irked me a bit, but that passed and now I can process why that is.
Obviously the whole discussion came up because I went to get a hair cut in order to somehow make a change in myself and somehow deal with the tragedy of my community.
I mentioned that that was one of the reasons I needed a hair cut.
"You were there?" she asked anxiously.
"No," I replied "but it was an attack on my community"
"You're gay?!" she exclaimed.
Feeling far too worn out to start the whole gay vs. bi thing I simply said "Yeah".
"Well hello!"
The next half an hour was filled with me talking, venting and pretty much being pissed off, but nicely.
What irked me, is the constant assumption of heterosexuality. I'm not blaming my hair dresser or anything, this is the way society is constructed. The assumption is that most people are straight, so how are we supposed to know who is not until they say so.
And along with the assumption of heterosexuality, come the stigma of queer.
I've now veered away from my hair dresser (my hair looks great, just my the way).
Through out the past few days, I've been reading articles upon articles telling me that the police have no clue as to where the gunman is.
People raising hypothesis that this was a vendetta by a spurned lover, that it was a self-hating queer person who was rejected from the youth group (what?!) and of course that the LGBT community are falsely accusing the Orthodox community and spreading the hate.
I have had it up to *here*, I swear.
My dad asked me about that "lead" the police had regarding the spurned lover and at the vigil I attended yesterday someone glibly said that if it the killer wasn't hate motivated then it would feel really empty.
I opened my mouth on both that person and my dad:
#1 How can one even try and justify murder in that way, because that's what it is. Trying to find an "excuse" as to why a killer decided to kill.
#2 It's derailment of the issue. This is a hate crime. Homophobia is a prejudice that goes on without censure. It is transparent, it is jokes and violence committed because of it goes under reported more often than not.
#3 The degradation and defamation of LGBT people is ongoing. The reason we had no "build up" for this tragedy is because we are under constant attack. All the time. Every day. Every where. And no, I'm not exaggerating.
And finally #4 Whoever this person was, he didn't just go after one person, or a specific individual. The man carried an Uzi. That mass destruction and multiple shots in rapid succession.
Coming out to my hair dresser (see what I did there) was my choice. Those kids lying in the hospital were Outed in a way that will leave them scarred forever, beyond the physical and emotional trauma of being the victims of a shooting attack because some of the families have rejected them.
We've been told to not be afraid.
I can't help but seethe in the dark and I am afraid.
That ended up being much more dramatic than I intended..
