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I bought a dress.
A sun-dress.
A blue and yellow polka dot dress.
And it was bought at an extremely reasonable price. Very funny considering I had been trying on button-down shirts and ties in the men's sections of different shops before hand.
Shopping with men in extremely liberating in that regard. They don't care from which section of the shop you buy from and once you have the shirt on the shop-clerks will not say anything, especially when they are aware that you deliberately went to the men's section.
I always feel a bit inadequate when I go shopping, even if no one is looking at me, the full weight of the gaze of Fashion is upon me. I'm no fashionista, but I have particular taste, I do not like bulging in any direction and I do not like anything that is too out there, I'm pretty conservative when it comes to my clothes - seriously, my most daring article of clothing is a pair of tweed trousers that only look good if the shirts are tucked in and I loathe tucking in my shirts - but for these pants, I'll do it.
It was also liberating because for the past month or so I've been forgoing shaving. And this dress is sleeveless, so shopping with men who not playing the gaze game with me was pretty good - though I don't know if they were surprised to see all the hair or if I'm just projecting my own issues. It's still cool enough to wear long sleeved shirts, but soon it'll be shorts and tanks and I'm a bit anxious. I'm anxious because I've never been hairy under my arms, really, once I started sprouting on my legs and under-arms I was regimented into hair removal.
There's something about being hairy while wearing a sun-dress. It's a bit like saying: "All this flesh you're seeing is for me and not for you to look at", it's fucked-up that that's my thought process, but clothes and the way your body is disciplined into beauty and gender norms are not actually for yourself, but for others who look at you.
So, I'm looking forward to wearing it this summer (or, you know, in a few weeks once the weather evens out into hot. Summer is going to be so hot hell is freezing), I'm not looking forward to the looks I'll be getting and there's just no way about it... people look and they judge.
The dress though, it's gorgeous and I look fucking awesome in it.
A sun-dress.
A blue and yellow polka dot dress.
And it was bought at an extremely reasonable price. Very funny considering I had been trying on button-down shirts and ties in the men's sections of different shops before hand.
Shopping with men in extremely liberating in that regard. They don't care from which section of the shop you buy from and once you have the shirt on the shop-clerks will not say anything, especially when they are aware that you deliberately went to the men's section.
I always feel a bit inadequate when I go shopping, even if no one is looking at me, the full weight of the gaze of Fashion is upon me. I'm no fashionista, but I have particular taste, I do not like bulging in any direction and I do not like anything that is too out there, I'm pretty conservative when it comes to my clothes - seriously, my most daring article of clothing is a pair of tweed trousers that only look good if the shirts are tucked in and I loathe tucking in my shirts - but for these pants, I'll do it.
It was also liberating because for the past month or so I've been forgoing shaving. And this dress is sleeveless, so shopping with men who not playing the gaze game with me was pretty good - though I don't know if they were surprised to see all the hair or if I'm just projecting my own issues. It's still cool enough to wear long sleeved shirts, but soon it'll be shorts and tanks and I'm a bit anxious. I'm anxious because I've never been hairy under my arms, really, once I started sprouting on my legs and under-arms I was regimented into hair removal.
There's something about being hairy while wearing a sun-dress. It's a bit like saying: "All this flesh you're seeing is for me and not for you to look at", it's fucked-up that that's my thought process, but clothes and the way your body is disciplined into beauty and gender norms are not actually for yourself, but for others who look at you.
So, I'm looking forward to wearing it this summer (or, you know, in a few weeks once the weather evens out into hot. Summer is going to be so hot hell is freezing), I'm not looking forward to the looks I'll be getting and there's just no way about it... people look and they judge.
The dress though, it's gorgeous and I look fucking awesome in it.
