Good morning.

It's Yom Kippur eve. I shan't be fasting. I also have no introspective thoughts to share at this time.

Maybe later.

After coffee.

I will not be fasting this year.

I'll be going to Koll Nidrei, as I do every year. But I won't be fasting.
It took me a long time to figure out why, as a non-believer, as someone who would more often than nor buck tradition than follow it (or at the very least, update it to fit the times and my personal philosophy), I'd felt the need to fast in previous years.

Nostalgia.

Pure and simple, nostalgia.

I go to hear and sing along with everyone Koll Nidrei, because it moves me, I feel the water in my body vibrate along with the congregation that repeats, repeats, repeats the Hazan (Cantor) as he sings and dirges the words of the Book.

I don't think I need to deny myself anything in order to make visible the repentance (that I don't feel).
I have no soul that needs purification.

I've been losing weight and that's been weighing on my mind. I hate that as I get thinner I think more about how fattening things are and I've not even been trying to lose weight.
I was happy where I was.
It's been a tough week, month, year.
It would have caught up with me I suppose.
If I don't see myself fattening up after the Holidays and during Uni I'll go see if there's an actual problem with me.
I am looking pale.
Because I'm tired; I've not caught up on the sleep I've lost over the past couple of days.

I will not be fasting.
With any luck I'll make myself a cup of coffee at a friends house this evening after prayers and catch up on True Blood tomorrow... maybe I'll watch an ep or two of Torchwood.
Or Life on Mars.

Definitely listen to Leonard Cohen... my lovely man.

Rowling says Dumbledore is Gay!.
She says it here as well!.

Now all J.K.R. has to do is admit that the relationship between Tonks and Lupin is a sham and a cover up to their Gayness - Lavender Marriage anyone?

Now, it's not that I don't appreciate her being all forthright with this, I mean, it's really cool that the Master Mind and basic father figure to Hogwarts was gay and all, but revealing it almost four years after she killed him off and barely alluding to it in canon... it strikes me a little bit as fan service.

( cut for a little bit of DH spoilers - read at your own risk )

So yeah, it's all very nice that one of the main characters was gay in canon - I can't even fathom the amount of Dumbledore/Grindelwald slash that is going to spawn. But you know what would have been nice... if Crabbe and Goyle had been a couple, or if Thomas Dean and Seamus would have been a couple on the sidelines... or Parvati and Lavender, because it's not about the main characters being gay, it's about the fact that when you're a young teenager and an older one, you explore who you are, and an old man being gay and discovering this after he had died and it had absolutely no bearing on the sales of the book... well like I said, it feels like fan service.
It's good, but it feels like too little too late in that regard.

But who am I to talk, I'm just an extrapolating fan who likes slash and never really liked Dombledore - manipulative megalomaniac bastard - and no he was not as bad as Voldemort; Albus, unlike Tom, was not a bigoted sociopath.

In addition, the genocide in Darfur must be stopped.

וכמו כן, צריך לעצור את רצח העם בדרפור.

So I'm now fasting, no food or water for 25 (or is it 26) hours is how it goes for this Nice Jewish Girl.
I think it's the only time in the Jewish Calendar where I actually do the "Jewish" thing.

Yom Kippur is a spacial day, not because it's a the Holiest of all "holy"days, which it is, but because it's the time of year, as it's been culturally cultivated in Israel, as a quiet day. Truly quiet. There isn't any mainstream radio, nor mainstream television, everything is shut down, and the streets are empty, no cars, no buses, no traffic. Nothing the the click-click-click of bicycles zooming down the empty streets as children make the most of the free roads that come sun-set will be filled with people coming home from Schul and dying for that cup of coffee they've been craving ever since they've stopped ingesting sustenance.

For me, it's a day of contemplation, meditation, soft music, poetry, family, lounging, walking, talking little, waiting, watching, listening, thinking about the meaning of food and water and thinking about my life in general.

The whole Atonement thing is old for me, it doesn't fit into the way I view my life; I try to take responsibility for my transgressions against people at the time that it happened or at least as near as possible. I don't think people deserve a clean-slate every year, or the impression of a clean-slate. We have to take responsibility for what we do and remember them. Though the Day of Atonement is meant as a time between GD and humankind, most take it to mean a time to wash away the "sins" of the past year.
Frankly, if a person needs a special day in order to try and make better about the things that may or may not have hurt another person, then there are serious issues there, is all I'm saying.

Last year I was depressed. Very. I wasn't aware of this, but looking back I can see that I was still very much trying to ignore the repercussions of the War. No easy. I had decided to try and live more ethically and became a vegetarian, I don't feel as though I'm punishing myself, which is how i felt last year, I'm able to recongnise this now.
I also thought I should try and become a little more religious when it came to Judaism, but quite quickly realised that my spirituality isn't to be found anywhere where I must bow down to anyone, corporal or otherwise. GD in this kind of setting is irrelevant, because my spirituality comes to fulfill me and GD, whether this entity exists or not, has no bearing on my spirit.

And so once a year I wear white, walk with my family to Schul, sing Kol Nidrei, the beautiful dirge which cleanses us of the years nastiness, sing the rest of the prayers with all the rest of the congregation and then walk home and admire the peace (crazy cycling kids and all), the half moon, the beginning of autumn and admire the fact that I'm really lucky to be a alive and feel it so much more acutely because I'm denying my physical needs for one day.

A holy day.
Double that.
It fell on Shabbat.

And now I part you with the words of one of my favourite poets/singer-songwriters:
( Who By Fire by Leonard Cohen )

In addition, the genocide in Darfur must be stopped.

וכמו כן, צריך לעצור את רצח העם בדרפור.

I want this - it's a Denise interchangeable knitting needle kit.
And I want one of these - it's a French Press. Don't really care which.
And a coffee grinder.

Oh, Crikey I'm sick of the instant! So effing sick of it. And I'm just no capable of cooking the coffee on the stove and have it with sugar(!!!) every time.

And I want my fucking FAIR TRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ahem* So obviously, the coffee stuff is a bit more crucial for me. But not to worry, I have another nine months to nag my family about getting me all those things.
.
.
.
*Headdesk*

Okay, not really, it's not that big a deal, but I really, really want these things.

In addition, the genocide in Darfur must be stopped.

וכמו כן, צריך לעצור את רצח העם בדרפור.

Went out to with tamara_russo last night. Had a very nice dinner and conversation and then went to a movie.

We saw "El Labertino Del Fauno", and it was one of the best movies I'd ever seen, it was also the most horrifying!
Leigh, if you're reading this, so not a movie for you!!!!
Anybody whose looking at the poster of the film and is thinking "Hmmm, I could take my son/daughter/nephew/niece to this", let me tell you, you are so wrong because you will be spending the majority of the movie covering their and your eyes!
It was visually gorgeous (even with the vast amounts of gore, since it wasn't about the gore, but just very realistic amounts, which is what made so terrible to watch) and the premise and plot were gripping and beautiful.
So you of love for Magical Realism, War Dramas and Clever Child Heroes, this movie is for you.
I might write a spoilery review of it later on.