An out and out racist slur - that I will stomp on with no hesitation. (It causes much eye-rolling and ill feeling at work, but that's one of the few times that I pull the "I'm the boss and what I say goes" cards.)

But when it's clueless privilege at work, I find it really hard to negotiate. I remember being that clueless (not that I would rate myself much above clueless now, but at least I know I'm on a learning curve.) If there's a way to point something out that helps a person start thinking about the things they say, then I want to do that gently if I can, even if it takes a little bit longer to get through to them. It's painful to see your own privilege, where you had been previously blind to it.

I've just been dealing with this on Facebook, with my little sister. I can't dress her down for a racist comment, where I'm a guest in her space. But I can try to point out the other side of what she says.