In my mind, fanfiction per se has nothing to do with representation or politics; when you write fanfic, you share fantasies, erotic or otherwise. What I think makes it political, and highly so, is the automatic policing that's going on in fandom. Certain fandoms, certain pairings, certain types of fanfic, certain kinks, certain views of characters and relationships, certain themes and discussions, in short: certain types of fantasies get a huge amount of people involved and it's easy to find what you're looking for. Others don't. That's why it's really hard to find, say, any No.6 fanfic, let alone in German and about Nezumi not being able to live like he always did because he's not that fit anymore, without it becoming h/c and/or about sex and/or romance.
What I'm saying is that by sheer number of people interested in one thing and not the other, the other becomes hard to find. And it really doesn't help to say "You just have to write it yourself, then!", it really doesn't. Not all of us in fandom are writers, or want to become one. Not all of us have the time or the inclination to shout our desires from the rooftops in the hope that somebody, somewhere might share them or know where we can get fic. [I apologize for the mansplaining, but sometimes I need to get the basics spelled out in detail to remind myself of what we're dealing with]
I am asexual and identify as queer. I was involved in slash fandom (m/m) long before I knew these two labels exist; it was (mm-slash) fandom that eventually pointed me to the resources I needed to name and contextualise the things I've struggled with since I was eleven. So yes, I feel very strongly about mm-slash and slash fandom. But the more I allow myself to accept that yes, I really am different and yes, I really am allowed to want the things I want even if nobody else does, the more frustrated I get with mm-slash fandom (Sherlock, in particular).
It is as though I have to wade through endless meaningless, even hurtful prompts on the kink meme to find one or two I really want to see filled. I post my own, but they don't get filled. I have given up on keeping track on AO3; too much, and too hurtful or frustrating. These days, my only interaction with the fandom I loved passionately ever since it exploded in Sept. 2010 is through recs and reccing communities. I read ace fics, but only when they're recced by someone I trust.
The other day, I devoted three hours to find something fannish for a BBC radio play called Marlowe's Diaries (by Roy Kendall, 1993), which was the first really queer thing I noticed as such in my life. I went through all the fannish resources I have at my disposal, even tried to google it various times. The only thing I found was the audio-mash-up-crossover I did with Sherlock in 2010.
So for me, it definitely is true that the more I embrace my different/other/queer desires online and irl, the more I feel unwelcome and unwanted in the very place that helped me accept them in the first place, i.e. mm-slash fandom.
no subject
What I'm saying is that by sheer number of people interested in one thing and not the other, the other becomes hard to find. And it really doesn't help to say "You just have to write it yourself, then!", it really doesn't. Not all of us in fandom are writers, or want to become one. Not all of us have the time or the inclination to shout our desires from the rooftops in the hope that somebody, somewhere might share them or know where we can get fic.
[I apologize for the mansplaining, but sometimes I need to get the basics spelled out in detail to remind myself of what we're dealing with]
I am asexual and identify as queer. I was involved in slash fandom (m/m) long before I knew these two labels exist; it was (mm-slash) fandom that eventually pointed me to the resources I needed to name and contextualise the things I've struggled with since I was eleven. So yes, I feel very strongly about mm-slash and slash fandom. But the more I allow myself to accept that yes, I really am different and yes, I really am allowed to want the things I want even if nobody else does, the more frustrated I get with mm-slash fandom (Sherlock, in particular).
It is as though I have to wade through endless meaningless, even hurtful prompts on the kink meme to find one or two I really want to see filled. I post my own, but they don't get filled. I have given up on keeping track on AO3; too much, and too hurtful or frustrating. These days, my only interaction with the fandom I loved passionately ever since it exploded in Sept. 2010 is through recs and reccing communities. I read ace fics, but only when they're recced by someone I trust.
The other day, I devoted three hours to find something fannish for a BBC radio play called Marlowe's Diaries (by Roy Kendall, 1993), which was the first really queer thing I noticed as such in my life. I went through all the fannish resources I have at my disposal, even tried to google it various times. The only thing I found was the audio-mash-up-crossover I did with Sherlock in 2010.
So for me, it definitely is true that the more I embrace my different/other/queer desires online and irl, the more I feel unwelcome and unwanted in the very place that helped me accept them in the first place, i.e. mm-slash fandom.