because generally speaking, it isn't my business, and I don't know both people in this thread, so before we begin, hi, Hagar, my name is Eva. I lived in Israel for awhile, which is how I know Melody.
This comment: Trauma is something to be treated, same as post-trauma. Neither is a reason to avoid doing something - anything. Unless, of course, you happen to believe in bearing crosses and victimizing oneself, in which case go ahead, wallow in the misery of your trauma and don't ever think of facing it or of overcoming it. (There's 'needing time' and there's what you said, and they're not the same, so don't try to use this excuse later, all right?)
really disturbs me. As someone who has been both a sexual assault survivor and a sexual assault counselor, I feel I am able to speak a bit to this statement. I used to agree with you 100%, that trauma is not a reason to avoid doing anything. So after I had been through counseling for two years for my assults, (yes, there were multiple assualts), I became a rape crisis counseler. Working as a counseler ripped open so many old wounds that I thought I had completely dealt with. I ended up one night, with my boifriend's gun (he was a cop), begging him to take out the bullets and hide them so that I wouldn't be able to use it on myself.
I thought all I needed was time an counseling. And maybe that is still all I need, but I also needed to not put myself in a situation where I would be dealing with the same shit again, which I did not. I loved helping people, I loved being there for the woman and men who needed someone to talk to at strange hours of the night, and needed someone to sit and hold their hand during their rape kits, but it got to the point where just thinking about my job sent me into panic attacks. It wasn't because I was wallowing, it was because I knew that I was going to be re-victimized vicariously. So when I read ...just thinking about going into that bunker causes me to become this meek, spineless, crybaby. what I am reading is, "I know what is waiting for me there, and I know that I am not yet healed from dealing with it the last time, and I know that going there is not what is best for me or my unit."
Sometimes we don't need to face what scares us head-on, and we don't need to put our own needs second or third to the needs of others or our bank accounts. Sometimes we need to be able to say, "I can't handle this right now, I'm sorry, but I am putting my needs first because in the end, that is really what will be best for everybody."
And I end this response with a quote from a song by one of my personal heroes, Ani DiFranco: ...she said/you'll never know dear/just how much I loved you/you probably think was just my big excuse./But I stand committed/to the one who came before you/and the fact that I adore you/is just one of my truths.
I hope this has helped you understand perhaps a different point of view.
I'm sorry, I usually don't get involved in other people's threads
This comment: Trauma is something to be treated, same as post-trauma. Neither is a reason to avoid doing something - anything. Unless, of course, you happen to believe in bearing crosses and victimizing oneself, in which case go ahead, wallow in the misery of your trauma and don't ever think of facing it or of overcoming it. (There's 'needing time' and there's what you said, and they're not the same, so don't try to use this excuse later, all right?)
really disturbs me. As someone who has been both a sexual assault survivor and a sexual assault counselor, I feel I am able to speak a bit to this statement. I used to agree with you 100%, that trauma is not a reason to avoid doing anything. So after I had been through counseling for two years for my assults, (yes, there were multiple assualts), I became a rape crisis counseler. Working as a counseler ripped open so many old wounds that I thought I had completely dealt with. I ended up one night, with my boifriend's gun (he was a cop), begging him to take out the bullets and hide them so that I wouldn't be able to use it on myself.
I thought all I needed was time an counseling. And maybe that is still all I need, but I also needed to not put myself in a situation where I would be dealing with the same shit again, which I did not. I loved helping people, I loved being there for the woman and men who needed someone to talk to at strange hours of the night, and needed someone to sit and hold their hand during their rape kits, but it got to the point where just thinking about my job sent me into panic attacks. It wasn't because I was wallowing, it was because I knew that I was going to be re-victimized vicariously. So when I read ...just thinking about going into that bunker causes me to become this meek, spineless, crybaby. what I am reading is, "I know what is waiting for me there, and I know that I am not yet healed from dealing with it the last time, and I know that going there is not what is best for me or my unit."
Sometimes we don't need to face what scares us head-on, and we don't need to put our own needs second or third to the needs of others or our bank accounts. Sometimes we need to be able to say, "I can't handle this right now, I'm sorry, but I am putting my needs first because in the end, that is really what will be best for everybody."
And I end this response with a quote from a song by one of my personal heroes, Ani DiFranco: ...she said/you'll never know dear/just how much I loved you/you probably think was just my big excuse./But I stand committed/to the one who came before you/and the fact that I adore you/is just one of my truths.
I hope this has helped you understand perhaps a different point of view.