eumelia: (drink to that)
I am ill.

I was pretty incapacitated with fatigue yesterday, mainly sleeping and staring bleary into either space or tumblr (that was what my brain was capable of yesterday).

I took the day off work today and seeing as I am writing this at about a syllable a minute (with typos) I'll be taking a sick day tomorrow as well.

What I hate most about the diseases that give one a heavy head and miserable overall feeling is that that I regress so badly.

It's like, I just want my parents to feel sorry for me and take care of me.

So right now I am nibbling on pretzels (trying not to suffocate because I'm coughing and I don't want to inhale the crunchy things), drinking weak coffee, and hugging a hot water bottle.

I really miss my cat.

And yeah, I've been all weepy for the past two days due to malady and menstruation.

I think I'll take a nap now.
eumelia: (rest and relaxation)
My afternoon siesta lasted three hours.

I woke up feeling quite terrible. In fact I thought I was going to throw up. However, I wasn't going to let that stop me, though it did delay my reflexes and I felt foggy brained for a long time.

But my sister had booked and paid for an evening hike at the excavation sites of Caesarea, and we would walk among the ruins with swinging lantern lights (something the kids found very enjoyable).

So with the above being part of the plans there was much discussion by members of my family suggesting I stay at the cottage and let someone else take my place on the hike, which annoyed me enough to get moving, take a quick scalding shower (I woke up with a fever and thus was feeling cold) and swallow down some paracetamol.

Oh, and our neighbours decided to blast their music again. Cue my bitch-face + a headache (despite the medicine). I was ready to either murder someone or leave.

After taking the medicine, chugging down a bottle of water and eating an apple I felt better, though nowhere near 100%.

The hike was brilliant though. Our guide was a geek! The moat reminded my nephews of Helm's Deep and one of them said it looked like where Aragorn and Legolas fought the Orcs and the guide asked them if they knew who Aragorn's father is and then started reciting The Song of Aragorn!

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

My sister and brother-in-law looked very pleased and I clapped like a moron and bounced like a ball, something I regretted, because, well, fever.

But all our kids, three nephews and a niece, now felt they had the guide all to themselves and latched onto him like limpets.

My sister, who is a Mediaevalist of the Middle East was very impressed with the guide's correct knowledge of the era and the Mamluks who fought the Crusaders. I gotta say, if I had to chose a side, I'd go with the Mamluks, as my sister said, because they won.

They won hard.

In any event, we walked along the shore line and the guide talked about the Romans and their bloody "reality shows" in the Hippodrome and Arena, the Byzantines and their syncretism of Jesus and Sol Invictus, the other multiple temples to the Sun that scattered the shore line, and he recreated, using shadow puppets the Egyptian god Ra's descent into the underworld and ascent into the sky, which was rather entertaining.

By the end of the hike most of the lanterns had gone out, which made the atmosphere even eerier, but I suppose that is the point.

As I said the kids loved it.

The drive back to the resort was a bit of a nightmare, because the paracetamol wore off and the fever attacked me again.

By the time we arrived back I was very wobbly and the short walk had me collapsing on my bed. I was given water and ibuprofen. I changed into pyjamas and was moaning and groaning the whole night, I was told.

I woke up on day 4 (and check out morning) was given more medicine, tea and I nibbled on dry cornflakes.

Thankfully my brother and his family wanted to go home as soon as possible, so I hitched a ride with them and got home long before everyone else.

I continued to be floppy throughout the day, but as of this writing I'm back to normal. I suspect sunstroke to be honest.
eumelia: (flog it)
The cat is alive and pissed off.

Which is a good thing.

He spent the whole day hissing at the vets and breathing in oxygen in the oxygen tank.

He's now supposed to take an extra pill for appetite and keep taking steroids to keep his lungs open.

I dunno if I can keep this up on a regular basis.

It's just too much.

Also, I have some kind of flare up in my wrist and am rubbing stinky ointment into it and wearing a brace.

Life isn't easy, but it really could be worse, so I'll complain just a little bit.
eumelia: (jewish revenge)
A lot of the choices I've made, throughout my life and especially the last couple of years, have been due to the fact that I've had the privilege to make them.

I chose to study the Humanities on my parent's dime, because I was able to do so with little sacrifice on my side. I took my time, four years instead of three, because I was not able to handle a year in which a lot of shit happened - so I let my studies go and had to re-do a year.

I still feel guilty about that.

I had considered taking a year off between BA and going on to an MA, because, well, obviously I'll be doing an MA. This is the way the life of a privileged middle class girl goes, right? But first, I should probably get onto a career path of some kind. I enjoyed the Library, I loved being in the Library and I had various Librarian role models that made me think that being a Librarian was a good idea.

Well, the studies made me want to kill myself and the more I thought about where I wanted to go with my life, the notion of being on that path looked less and less like the thing I wanted to be.

So I decided to drop out.

I feel guilty about that too.

It's "another" thing I started and didn't finish. It's another "phase" that fizzled out because I got "bored". Never mind that the studies, depressed me to a degree to which I hadn't felt in a long while, probably not the subject matter itself (though really, my brain felt like it was leaking out of my skull while I was in class), but the frame of being in school, again.

I enjoy learning. But studying...

I feel guilty about the choosing to veer away from this plan, without a backup plan. I'm still unemployed, living off my savings at the moment, working on the side for my father so that I don't sink utterly. There's not a bit of shame involved in that, despite it being a concious choice I made.

And wouldn't you know, I feel guilty about that, as well.

The thing is, my parents were paying for these studies as well and I just couldn't have that any more.

I'm 26, and moved out and still, my parents were paying for my life.

You know, I'd much rather suck up the shame and ask them for help with the rent, than have them help me coast through life just so I can be put on a career path that was numbing me out.

I'm still numb, because I am overwhelmed by death, disease and the feelings of failure that will probably not leave me until I get a job, because I am nothing if not a loyal subject to the economic system.

But ever since I made the choice of leaving school, I've felt lighter and more at ease with the my guilt. I feel guilty for letting down my parents, not for making a choice they think is a mistake - because it's not a mistake for me. I feel guilty for not being financially secure at the moment, but I know that's a dynamic situation that can and will change and it's less to do with me personally and more to do with the structure of work force.
I feel guilty that everything is coming to a head at a time where there has been a death in the family and we are about to begin to revolve around a disease which we thought we wouldn't have to deal with again.

But nothing goes according to plan.

So really, why feel guilty?

For now, it's an outlet for me. Feeling all my feelings through the prism of guilt. It motivates me to try and not feel guilty. Feeling guilty informs me that I am being manipulated, in one way or another.

Feeling guilty reminds me that it could be worse. It reminds me of my privilege, I suppose.

Yesterday though, a song came on my shuffle that really helped me put it somewhat in perspective:

Hand In My Pocket - Alanis Morissette
no one's really got it figured out just yet )
eumelia: (get a job)
So, because I called in sick really late yesterday (like three hours before my shift) and because I had the afternoon shift, guess who spent an hour and a half schlepping books to and fro that weren't put in place yesterday because there was no Library Page in the afternoon.

I tell you, despite the fact that my stomach doesn't ache any more, except what feels like a pulled muscle on my right side (which is no where near my appendix, that's closer to the groin - at least, I hope *meep*), the whole book lifting thing is damn hard work!

So, now everything is back to a normal base line and I can spend my time goofing off on the Internet.

I mentioned yesterday that I had a stomach ache and we all know what the best medicine for a stomach ache is, right? A hot water-bottle! Lovely hottie! Well, yesterday I had something better.
My two month old niece!
She slept on me for about an hour and a half, snoring/snorting away as her big sister and brother spent the afternoon with me and their Granny (my mom).
Oh, lovely hot water-bottle baby!

Any way, now I'm about to collect my next round of returned book and then goof off again! Ach, working in a Library is fun.
eumelia: (brilliant)
Happy International Woman's Day!

Here's to 100 years of celebrating women!

I spend the day writhing in pain and doing baby/Auntie duty, seeing as I didn't go to work today.

I've been terrible in updating, but I've been terribly swamped with the Semester starting and all, I want to get as many assignments and papers out of the way so that I have a chance to, you know, not work a lot...

None the less I still procrastinate like mad, but I'm meeting deadlines and my profs seem to be happy with my work, so yay!

Other than that, if I wasn't in pain and stressed I think my mind would be better equipped to give y'all an actual update on my life... but gah.

I just want to make sure you're all still around!

I'll try and write something substantial soon.
eumelia: (creepy)
I've been as sick as a dog for the past 36 hours, the first 24 consisting of a fever high enough to incapacitate me, make my parents threaten to take me to the hospital and have dreams in which I was Ellen Page pretending to be Eames (from Inception played by Tom Hardy).


Currently, my body has simply decided to work against me in the ways bodies do after they've been through a high temp washing machine and dryer.

Well, at least it happened when the weather was somewhat pleasant. We're going through yet another unseasonably hot weekend. What the fuck, no wonder everyone here is fucking bonkers. I'll get into the bonkers and regional politics later, maybe, if I'm up to it. My higher brain functions have been siphoned by the awesome that is the coming Autumn/Winter BBC Season.

It would appear, that now that Harry Potter is done with all my faves are coming back to the Telly, hello Alan! Hello Emma! Even Helena (whom I don't particularly like, but has screen presence like whoa!).

And woot! Christopher, David and Matt! God, I love British television. There was even more than one scene of queer content in the trailer!
Some of it appeared historical, which is cool, but I'm kind of sick of Regency/Victorian Lesbians and Gays coming out (hur hur) of the Beeb.

I'm excited about my teevee!

I also finally finished the first season of Mad Men while I was still a bit feverish so my OMGWTFNOTBBC reaction may have been either too subdued or too over the top. I can't really tell.

Off to read the News. I hope my body doesn't betray me in the process.
eumelia: (Default)
I got my Swine 'Flu injection today.
Now my arm hurts.
Cry moar, right?
In doing so (getting vaccinated) I may have fallen victim to a huge conspiracy.
Do let me know if the pod person, who replaced via the nanogens I was injected with, writes some gibberish I'll need to decipher.

eumelia: (Default)
I will not be fasting this year.

I'll be going to Koll Nidrei, as I do every year. But I won't be fasting.
It took me a long time to figure out why, as a non-believer, as someone who would more often than nor buck tradition than follow it (or at the very least, update it to fit the times and my personal philosophy), I'd felt the need to fast in previous years.


Pure and simple, nostalgia.

I go to hear and sing along with everyone Koll Nidrei, because it moves me, I feel the water in my body vibrate along with the congregation that repeats, repeats, repeats the Hazan (Cantor) as he sings and dirges the words of the Book.

I don't think I need to deny myself anything in order to make visible the repentance (that I don't feel).
I have no soul that needs purification.

I've been losing weight and that's been weighing on my mind. I hate that as I get thinner I think more about how fattening things are and I've not even been trying to lose weight.
I was happy where I was.
It's been a tough week, month, year.
It would have caught up with me I suppose.
If I don't see myself fattening up after the Holidays and during Uni I'll go see if there's an actual problem with me.
I am looking pale.
Because I'm tired; I've not caught up on the sleep I've lost over the past couple of days.

I will not be fasting.
With any luck I'll make myself a cup of coffee at a friends house this evening after prayers and catch up on True Blood tomorrow... maybe I'll watch an ep or two of Torchwood.
Or Life on Mars.

Definitely listen to Leonard Cohen... my lovely man.
eumelia: (Default)
I don't get it.

Really, I don't.

I've been to the States and I didn't get it then. I've been reading up on the subject because the Interwebs are busting with the "health care" discussion.

My country has socialised medicine, we get the choice of four different HMO's, they compete with each other and have supervision and controlling rights over different hospitals.
There is a Health Basket that includes various kinds of medications that would have been unattainable for many people, but through prescription you can get your Insulin, your Xanax, your (practically) whatever you need for an affordable price.

We pay for this service along as well as for national security (so that in case we are unable to work we will still be able to afford health care) through our pay cheques or certificates if one is an independent.

Is it perfect? Hell, no. Most of the time, it is more aggravating than not.

However, this year due to an actual medical necessity I saw the health care system work and we actually got money back after the treatments my mother had to go through were done.

I understand that this sounds like luxury for some and it is. In Third World counties (not all) and in the United States.

That's really fucked up.

Also? Crazy Americans comparing Universal Healthcare to Nazi Policy, WHAT?!

Barney Frank says it better than me (via [ profile] mizzpyx)

I mock.

That's what I have to say about this really, really redundant debate (it's a debate!!!).
eumelia: (Default)

היו לי תכניות היום!
תכניות מהסוג הממש כיף ולבלות עם חברה ולשמוע הרצאות על הארי פוטר וחומריו האפלים, אבל לא! הטבע היה חייב לדפוק אותי היום ולתת לי שלשול!
יו, החיים לא פיירים בעליל.

עכשיו אני הולכת לשתות מים פושרים ולאכול פריכיות חסרות טעם.

כבר אמרתי שזה הולך להיות יום מחורבן... וגם ארוך ככל הנראה.

אה, והנה לינק לרישום של מקס הזועם על מה שכתבתי אתמול. "תופעת המשתמטים"
גם ליוסי גורביץ יש מה לומר על התופעה בבלוג החברים של ג'ורג'.
וכתבה של "הארץ" בנושא מאת עמוס הראל.

ולהזכיר משהו שלא אמרתי במפורש ושכל אחד מהכותבים הנ"ל כן אמרו, היא עניין המגזר החרדי. אני לתומי חשבתי שכשאמרתי "גידול אוכלוסין" זה די ברור שאני מתכוונת לריבוי הילדים המאסיבי במגזר החרדי, אבל אני נוטה לחשוב שלכולם יש דפוסי חשיבה כמו שלי, כך שאני עכשיו מתקנת את עצמי ואנסה לזכור שבין השורות שלי, רק אני מצליחה לקרוא כראוי.
מתנצלת על האי הבנה.

נכון יש לי כאן שלושה מאמרים (בערך) שהם כולם מנקודת המבט של "השמאל" ואני קראתי מבחירה רק מאמר אחד שהוא יכול להחשב "מרכז" לולאי הוא היה כל כך מיליטריסטי, אבל אני מודה, אני רואה את הדברים בצורה עקומה ומנקודת המבט שלי.
"צאו מהמקלט שלי!" מאת ניר קיפניס. המאמר הזה נכתב עבור מגזין "בלייזר", אני אישית נהנית מקצת הדברים הכתובים שם, למרות שהשוביניזם וההומופביה שולטות ביד רמה, אפשר להתעלם מזה כי לרוב זה בצחוק, עד כמה שאפשר לצחוק על זה וקארין ארד גדולה מהחיים.

אני רוצה הארי פוטר!!!!!!!!!!

In addition, the genocide in Darfur must be stopped.

וכמו כן, צריך לעצור את רצח העם בדרפור.
eumelia: (Default)
I was planning on going today to Washington DC, unfortunately a bad case of runny tummy has made me feel like, well, crap.

So I will only be going tomorrow, right now I am chugging water and eating dry toast.

I really want my comfort food, but with cereal there is milk and that is a bad idea.
eumelia: (Default)
Apparently not doing much this weekend...
eumelia: (Default)
So I spent the past two days throwing up and feeling shitty in general, I hate having stomach flue. Add to that, that my entire house hold was sick as well!

Remember when I said my sister and her family (husband two kids) came for a visit? Well it was like a fucking slaughter house! Monday night, I got sick, thought it was food poisoning... didn't stop until four-fucking-a.m. Which was when my Mother, my brother in law and my four year old nephew started with the sickness as well.

We're all feeling better now, just exhausted and empty (I could barely eat breakfast), but at least now I can walk, talk (without groaning) and sit in front of a screen without feeling dizzy.


eumelia: (Default)

June 2015

 12345 6

V and Justice

V: Ah, I was forgetting that we are not properly introduced. I do not have a name. You can call me V. Madam Justice...this is V. V... this is Madam Justice. hello, Madam Justice.

Justice: Good evening, V.

V: There. Now we know each other. Actually, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time. Oh, I know what you're thinking...

Justice: The poor boy has a crush on adolescent fatuation.

V: I beg your pardon, Madam. It isn't like that at all. I've long admired you...albeit only from a distance. I used to stare at you from the streets below when I was a child. I'd say to my father, "Who is that lady?" And he'd say "That's Madam Justice." And I'd say "Isn't she pretty."

V: Please don't think it was merely physical. I know you're not that sort of girl. No, I loved you as a person. As an ideal.

Justice: What? V! For shame! You have betrayed me for some harlot, some vain and pouting hussy with painted lips and a knowing smile!

V: I, Madam? I beg to differ! It was your infidelity that drove me to her arms!

V: Ah-ha! That surprised you, didn't it? You thought I didn't know about your little fling. But I do. I know everything! Frankly, I wasn't surprised when I found out. You always did have an eye for a man in uniform.

Justice: Uniform? Why I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. It was always you, V. You were the only one...

V: Liar! Slut! Whore! Deny that you let him have his way with you, him with his armbands and jackboots!

V: Well? Cat got your tongue? I though as much.

V: Very well. So you stand revealed at last. you are no longer my justice. You are his justice now. You have bedded another.

Justice: Sob! Choke! Wh-who is she, V? What is her name?

V: Her name is Anarchy. And she has taught me more as a mistress than you ever did! She has taught me that justice is meaningless without freedom. She is honest. She makes no promises and breaks none. Unlike you, Jezebel. I used to wonder why you could never look me in the eye. Now I know. So good bye, dear lady. I would be saddened by our parting even now, save that you are no longer the woman I once loved.


-"V for Vendetta"


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