eumelia: (nice jewish girl)
It's Erev Pesach (Passover Eve, for you my most beloved gentile readers) and with it come all my feelings of self doubt, waning self worth and over all loneliness.

I thought I'd be used to it by now. But alas, it is the same with every major Holiday that includes a long meal and adherence to a thousand year old tradition. Tradition that has changed many times over, but for this queer lady feels as suffocating as the dust storms that come with the season.

In America there's a cute tradition that is kind of mocked here. Adding an orange to the Seder plate to be inclusive of the LGBT people of the Jewish tribe. As you can read from the column it's been misinterpreted regarding the inclusion of women.

Which in Israel should be a thing when you consider the fact that Jewish women cannot practice freedom of religion.

But I digress, as it had not been my intention to talk about the broader politics of the holiday also known as the holiday of freedom and liberation.

I have to practice the age old tradition foisted on Jewish women known as Shalom Bayit, meaning "Peace in the Home". It is usually talked about married life and the onus of the wife to make sure the marriage is sustained and kept stable, no matter what.

Don't rock of the boat.

I've come to despise the word peace. It is of no value and meaning to me. There's a phenomenon that happens when you read or hear a word repeated over and over again in different contexts and it reaches a degree of saturation that makes you sick of it.

It's called semantic satiation. I am sick of peace.

I recently read Sarah Schulman's book Israel/Palestine and the Queer International, which I whole heartedly recommend, as I would anything by Sarah. None of the material is new to me, but the framing is fascinating and poignant and shows the degrees of separation between the facts on the ground when it comes to the Occupation and the way the average Israeli (and those who hear only Israeli facts) perceives the "situation".

Israelis for years have been calling the systemic oppression and annexation of land the "Situation". As though it is temporary. As though it is something outside our control.

As I read the chronicle of Sarah's journey from ignorant American Jew to Palestine solidarity activist my heart felt heavier and heavier.

One of the feminist and lesbian activists that Sarah quotes in the book is asked by an Israeli man, "But how will there be peace?"

She replied rather poignantly, "I don't want peace, I want freedom and justice."

I can safely that I don't want peace either and feel as light as a feather.

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eumelia: (queer rage)
I would like to turn back to the tie scene. The whole court room scene in fact, as it’s a good opportunity to discuss something that bothers as a general rule and I don’t think it’s discussed openly enough in fandom.

About a year ago, I very pretentiously and arrogantly posted a post about “being queer in fandom”, you can read it here (on DW or LJ, as is convenient), and I got a lot of insight from the feedback (and reading what anons thought of me on that meme), which aided me over the past year of teasing out what really bothers me as a queer fan in what is evidently a rather straight fandom.

What I write here, as should be evident, is my own opinion and comes from my own feelings. And while I’m talking about my specific fandom, this is something that I’ve seen happen all over slash fandom, so let me hear what y'all have to say.

It should be readily clear to everyone who watches H50 that Danny and Steve as a romantic couple will never happen in canon. It won’t. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t want it to either.

I’m saying this now, because the season has given us many beautiful moments (on the boat, with the bomb, the straightening of this tie, and many other smaller ones) which have been fantastically fun to explore and have given us great insight into the nature of Danny and Steve’s friendship and relationship.

These are not, as they say, gay moments. They’re not. Because trust me, if they were, we’d know about it. Because subtext is not, I repeat, not representation. And the fact that I ship them doesn’t mean my friend ships them. Them not shipping Danny/Steve isn’t anymore more right than shipping Catherine/Steve, the main difference being, and wait for it, it’s a big one, Catherine/Stave is actual, fucking, canon. And regardless of how you interpret their relationship (romantic, convenience, fuckbuddy) their sexual relationship is canon.

When I hear people in fandom accuse others of homophobia for not shipping Danny/Steve all I can do is laugh bitterly. Talk to me when someone shouts “Dyke” at the street at you, or tells you all you need is a good fuck by a man (i.e. threatens you with rape), or your parents demand you “behave yourself” at a wedding because god forbid I slow dance with my girlfriend. Unless someone has said that slash is gross because it’s gay, it’s not homophobia, so get the fuck over yourselves.

Danny and Steve are not “gay for each other” (may that trope die in the fiery pit from whence it came) and the insistence of certain places in fandom that they are, is fucking offensive. Let me tell you why. It smacks of appropriation. Just like saying that not shipping a certain ship is homophobia, the insistence of that ship is a fetishisiation of a fantasy of same sex male relationships.

I hate the marriage jokes and the “dads” comment. When I hear them and see them, all I feel like is a punch to the gut. As though any kind of close same sex friendship is something to mocked, especially if it’s between two men.

As mentioned, those are jokes, my best friend and I have been mistaken for a lesbian couple, we’ve been told that we act like we’re married.

We’re not together and we never were. She’s happily married to her partner and I’m happily single being very lazy about finding love.

In the show, the idea of Danny and Steve being “married” and a couple is laughable and a joke, thus it is presented as such. It is constantly averted in order to maintain them being canonically straight. What is explored in the show and what makes it special is the nature of male/male friendship and the expression of those feelings in a way that is uninhibited.

Slash is an interpretation. Slash isn’t representation.

When I see factions of fandom insist on the “canon “of Danny and Steve as a gay couple all I see is a bunch of entitled fangirls appropriating gay identity and culture.

If you really want LGBT content, stop trying to make your own personal OTP into a peepshow and go look for shit on your own. No, really, here you go.

If your *squee* feels harshed I’d like you to take a step back and consider that some of us are invested in actual LGBT content because for the love of god, we need it. I need it. I’m not looking for gay content on Hawaii Five-0, but I would like my identity as a gay and bisexual woman to be fucking respected and to not have it appropriated for the benefit of someone else’s *squee*.

I love this show and I love fandom and I want us all to do better.

H50 is not the only fandom to do this. This is a pan-fandom issue that needs to be discussed openly and internally, because I honestly don’t care about the way we’re perceived by others, it’s not about them, it’s about us.

While I don’t think the show queerbaits as such, the fandom can behaves like it does. Moreover, it behaves like queerbaiting is a good thing, when all it is, is the creators having their progressive cake and eating it. I’m glad Lenkov et al aren’t falling into that trap, because no matter how much we insist, H50 transformative fandom on Tumblr and AO3 and LJ/DW is tiny. And while we may be loud, we are not the target audience and he certainly doesn’t cater to us (no matter how much he likes the vids and the fanart, and it's awesome that he does).

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eumelia: (smokin')
I took a deep breath and I watched the rest of the new episode of Bomb Girls.

I regret nothing. I might be a bit sensitive over the the day, but it was worth it.

So worth it. Spoiler for episode 2.01 of Bomb Girls )

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eumelia: (queer rage)
Originally posted on Tumblr.

I have a co-worker, whom I hate. I would say the feeling is mutual, but I suspect she’s too thick to notice.

She’s one of those people who think they’re funny, that they have insight on matters of life, the universe, and other people’s business.

We’re a small group working together, and we work long hours. Obviously, casual talk will commence, especially when many of us have a lot in common - geekery and gayness being some of them.

I’m out as gay at work, on my team there are two other gay guys, and we’re a majority women team (including my boss, who is a woman), so my workplace has been very comfy for me, woman wise and queer wise.

This co-worker has been making my workplace hostile.

Earlier this week one of the parents’ at the office brought their baby to work. He was a big hit among everyone.

Obviously when there’s a baby in the office we start talking about babies, and the having them, or not.

I mentioned that it was fun to play with them, but it was so much more convenient to give them back at the end.

This co-worker said, “well, you’ve said you didn’t want a family so maybe it is better for you.”

Family

I was hurt deeper than I expected. Yes, I’m an out dyke. Yes, I mentioned that I don’t intend to have biological children, or adopt any. That doesn’t mean I don’t want a family.

That I don’t have a family.

I was erased by her words, her mind cannot entertain the idea of a family that isn’t a heterosexual one made out of parents and their children.

This happened days ago and I’m still thinking about it. She isn’t worth my time of day, I know this. I shouldn’t even think about what she said.

And yet, in her eyes, I’m not a real person.

That cuts deeper than anything else.

Bomb Girls

Nov. 30th, 2012 02:15 pm
eumelia: (omg lesbians!)
I recently mainlined all 6 episodes of this utterly brilliant, fantastic, feminist and queer show.

"Bomb Girls" is the story of women working a Canadian munitions factory in the early 1940's during the second world war.

It has very high production value, it's well paced and written (a few blunders here and there which has mainly to do with the male characters - which is a novelty!) and it has an actual facts lesbian character!

OMG! I'm in love with this show it gives me all the feels!

However, like with many female centred shows its fandom is teeny tiny!

Help me fangirls, you're my only hope!

Send me your comms, your tumblrs, rec me the fics! I need me some Betty/Kate love now!

Thank you!

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eumelia: (killshot kono)
Trigger Warning: Homophobia, biphobia and general rage contained therein.


My anger had been building since Saturday to be perfectly honest, when I read a fic which decided to chuck caution to the wind, make up shit about gay culture and gay sex and made me realise how alienated I feel from my fandom in general. But that, really, is beside the point.

I've been pissed off the whole day. I honest to god felt as though my identity was being attacked.

Two columns I read this morning made me feel gutted and ripped.

I'm bisexual. I'm gay. I'm lesbian. I'm queer. I'm all the letters except the T in LGBT. These are things I have been for as long as I could articulate. I use each identity in different circumstances. This is a common thing, I suspect, presenting different things in different situations.

But this morning reading an account of a lesbian explaining herself to straight people in a Vagendamag column called Lesbian, a Lifestyle in which the writers gives a grocery list of the various "types" of queers for the comfort and benefit of straight readers, something which jarred me.

I'm not easily jarred.

The casual way in which she talks about the stereotypes, as though they are taxonomy of exotic animals and birds to be found in the scene, from flamboyant femmes to greedy bisexuals, all to tack make sure we're ticked off the list.

Oh, it's tongue in cheek and in vogue with talking about the commodification of identities, after all, we're not a community, we're merely consumers.

And still, in a feminist mag and column about gay women I expect to be spoken to, not spoken about and yeah, it was jarring.

I'm not an exhibit at the zoo to be spoken about to the curious spectators.

The second article that honest to god made me feel like shit for a better part of the day was this column from the HuffPo UK, titled: Bisexuality: Is It Fun, Non Committal or Just Plain Greedy?.
As you can probably imagine, it was like a bingo card of biphobic shit.

Greedy, check. Indecisive, check. Trendy, check. Half gay, check. Half straight check.

When I was 15 I was confused about a lot of things. One of the things I was quite sure of was that I was attracted to boys and to girl and to to people in drag.

When I was 20 and I'd gone through five years of telling the various members of my family, at different times and for various reasons, that I'm bisexual, I thought I was done. I thought, that's it, who else do I have to tell?

Everyone.

All the time.

I do not like assumptions made about me. I do not like it when my identity, when the word I do not like as a rule, but is the only one I have, is used against me. To be called lazy for not picking a "side"? To be called greedy because of the stupid stereotype that those attracted to more than one sex and gender are somehow incapable of fidelity?

There is no "side", I am not straight! I was never straight! There is no place for me in straight culture and society, not since I was 15, so anyone who wants to talk to me about "picking a side" regarding who I chose to have a relationship with can fuck off.

Two articles that made me feel like shit, written by members of a community I generally consider myself a part of. The former wrote to appease the curiosity and needs of straight readers and the latter decided to write a polemic in which he accused bisexual men and women of being lesser human being on the sexual level.

My god, this is what assimilation brings us, total invalidation and invisibility from those who now have the privilege to be "normal".

It's not easy, because there is a constant demand that I apologise for not being exactly what I'm expected to be.

I sick of being apologetic about existing in the manner that I do.

I'm not an exhibit at the fucking zoo.

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eumelia: (Default)
Went to see "Skyfall" last night.

ALL THE Spoilers )

I enjoyed it, but I have many many misgivings. I'll go see it again, because I'm addicted to the franchise and love the character too much.

I missed Jeffry Wright as Felix Lieter though. No CIA in this movie, alas.
eumelia: (little destiny - bookworm)
I just finished reading The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller, the 2012 winner of the Orange Prize for Fiction.

Broadly, it is a retelling of the story of Achilles from the eyes of his loyal companion Patroclus. If you know your Greek mythology, poems and plays, then every single moment in this book was known to you. Basically you were "spoiled", if one can be spoiled when the source material is several thousand years old.

If you don't know your "Greek", you may find yourself coming home from work one evening and have your mother ask you: Spoilers for the book, the poems by Homer and the various plays written by other Greeks! )

For the TL:DR folks, it's a fun and fluffy book with some depictions of gore. I recommend it if you love mythology, fanfiction and romance.
eumelia: (bisexual fury)
I'm sure a lot of you heard of this American fellow, Timothy Kurek, the guy who pretended to be gay for a year and then wrote a book about it.

In the article linked above it is stated that he was a devout Christian who grew up "hating homosexuality" and that when a friend of his told him how badly her family treated her when she came out as a lesbian he got the bright idea of "pretending to be gay" and essentially living as a gay man for a year.

Basically, to see what it was "actually like".

I find myself angry at this man.

I've been sitting on this story since yesterday and I'm angry, so fucking pissed, that the underlying assumption of the various articles that I've read about this guy in the mainstream media is that is guy is brave. That the fact that he had to deal with being called the other-fucking-f-word is this big huge hurdle that he had to overcome in order to view gay people as human.

Well, cry me a river.

I mean, this guy had a choice. He made the choice and the consequences he had to live with were temporary.

I'm supposed to be amazed that this guy discovered other Christians in the gay community in the South of the United States? Is this a joke? Gay Christians, gay Southerners, men and women who are not straight have been shunned for decades and have made their home there for decades, by creating a community this guy infiltrated because he couldn't conceive that these men and women were actually human just by the virtue of their existence.

No, he had to "walk among them", because in the end, for this guy, it was an anthropological experiment, one he's now cashing in on by publishing a book (all earnings go to an LGBT charity, of course, of course) about his experience as a straight man in living a gay life.

How exotic.

How special.

How appropriative.

We've been telling our stories for decades, for centuries, not all these stories are mine because I'm a woman (and not American), not all these stories are theirs because they are men (and American), but it is certainly not his story!

Pretender was never a better title.
eumelia: (a face)
Title: Neither I Have Wings to Fly
Author: [personal profile] eumelia/[livejournal.com profile] eumelia
Pairing/Characters: Steve/Danny
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Coda to episode 3.01 “La O Na Makuahine”
Word Count 1,645
Warnings: n/a
Disclaimer: This is a work of transformative fiction, created for fun and pleasure. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: A big thank you to [livejournal.com profile] verasteine for the speediest beta ever and for the advice which I always cherish. Thank you, bb. The title is from the song “Water is Wide” as sung by Sarah McLachlan, Jewel and Indigo Girls.
Summary: When a truck drives by its lights shine through the window onto Danny and once again, Steve can’t help himself, he’s irresistible.

--

Danny drives )
eumelia: (rest and relaxation)
Title: Tendencies
Author: [livejournal.com profile] eumelia
Pairings/Characters: Steve/Danny, a few OC’s
Summary: Just because Danny wants to kick back and relax, doesn't mean Steve is going to make it easy.
Rating: PG
Content: Less typos :}
Warnings: N/A
Word Count: 2,418
Disclaimer: All Hawaii Five-0 characters herein are the property of CBS. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters engaging in sexual activity are 16 years or older.
Author's Notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] kitmerlot1213, as part of the [livejournal.com profile] h50_exchange. Originally posted here.
Dear [livejournal.com profile] kitmerlot1213, I was not able to do everything that was in your prompt, but I hope this is fluffy and love sick enough for you, this was not an easy write, but I hope it’s a fun read. To my spectacular beta, [livejournal.com profile] perspi, this wouldn’t have been half of good without you, thank you times a million! To my lovely proof reader, [livejournal.com profile] tailoredshirt, thank you for wrangling all the commas, all the funny accidents and for making sure this was presentable to the public. To my beloved cheerleader, you know who you are (you're [livejournal.com profile] verasteine). *snuggles*. To the adorable mods, thank you, so much, for your patience!

--

Danny loves this place )
eumelia: (jewish revenge)
*Pokes head*

Hi.

I slept for 10 hours.

I'm still feeling pretty wiped. It was a very long weekend. I've been put on the weekend roster at work and will now be working the weekend about once every two months. Crazy.

I woke up about an hour ago and it's going to be the most stressful Holiday ever.

Shana Tova, by the way.

Thankfully, we're not having people over today or tomorrow, but we are on Tuesday, which is when I also have to go up to my apartment for the last time ever and get my desk top computer (and desk) and just, be rid of that fucking time and money suck.

I'm working again tomorrow, because the holiday needs to be dealt with as well and I decided to get my duties over and done with as fast as possible.

None of the above really makes sense unless you know what I work at and what I do, huh?

Meh.

I have my lecture on fanfiction and bisexaulity to write and I really don't feel like it, but I promised and it should be fun, at the end of the day to sit around and talk fandom with a bunch of other queers.

This paper, Queer as Folk and the Trouble with Slash, from the most recent issue of Transformative Works and Cultures is probably the best queer critique of slash. Ever.

Just to give you a taste, this is what the author, Kyra Hunting, writes in her conclusion:
[I]t is not enough to acknowledge that fan fiction and slash are not necessarily subversive. We cannot ignore the conservative potential of the exchange between canon and fanon. This is particularly imperative in cases where canonical texts have their own political goals. The ways that fan fiction can actively work to reinscribe normative or traditional values onto works that struggle with or resist these values are important sites of analysis.

This paper was written for me in mind, no doubt! Well, for other lovers and participators in slash who don't take it at face value.

I suspect that in a few issues there will be a paper about the queerbaiting phenomenon now making the waves due to Teen Wolf and the heartbreak that will occur with that.

And no, please don't tell me I need to watch the show. Others have tried. I'm over teenaged drama, angst and Alpha/Omega dynamics.

I'm honestly psyched about the fact that the season premier of Hawaii Five-0 falls on Yom Kippur eve, because that means I have no work that day and can watch and be fannish at my leisure!

Pardon me, I have to go and be Jewish.
eumelia: (bisexual fury)
I very nearly wrote a little post on my way home, on Officer Kalakaua, but refrained. I'm getting better at reading on commute, but writing is something else entirely.

Would not like to vomit on my little tablet.

I'm finding myself less and less tolerant of the casual humour that is dropped at the office. We are a very casual team, very little formality and thankfully we all get along quite well.

As I've mentioned, the team leader and manager, i.e. my boss is a woman, of the seven team members, four are women, three are men (two of whom are gay) - due to this dynamic, there are a lot of funny anecdotes concerning gay life - we very much throw around the "That's so gay" at each other (my gay co-workers and I, that is) - but that's the mild things.

But sometimes, I remember that the straight people are there, witnessing this. My co-workers are unconcerned, it seems, but I'm also, how shall we say, more "sensitive".

[The Heterosexist] sees fit to insert herself into all the gay funnies that are hurled around the office, inevitably, they are full shit and made of fail.

I mean, sure, our co-worker talks about approaching a guy who pinged his gaydar in a store for help to shop for clothes and what a funny encounter that was, that is totally an invitation by a straight woman to talk about a guy she knew was gay and overcompensated by flirting with women and was probably "of those who didn't know how to handle it."

I hate her.

I know, this is by no means a hostile environment, on the contrary, but I keep getting the feeling she considers the our co-workers as existing for her entertainment and I am irked by her.

It doesn't help that one of the things my co-workers and I do is make fun of stereotypes (speaking af a lesbian stereotype) and yes, everyone laughs and then I remember we're laughing for utterly different reasons.

Not to mention, that there are subjects I will not tolerate joking about either in mixed (as in, not exclusively queer) company, or at all, and those are jokes about AIDS, jokes that are homophobic and/or sexist, and rape jokes.

So, I'm the fuddy-duddy, except when I make the driest observation, the funniest sex joke and the best turn of phrase.

My workplace problems, let me show them to you.

As I said, I really love my team, but [the Heterosexist] annoys me to a degree I didn't think was possible. I feel justified seeing as she's racist on top of it all.

Regardless, tomorrow I have to dress nicely, the Big Giant Head is visiting from the United States. I have to decide which plunging neckline to wear and which earrings will make a statement! What? I'm working on a Fashion Week project.
eumelia: (queer rage)
Today I was complacent.

I was too confident, thought myself too smart and now things will never be the same. For me, at least. I doubt anyone else will give this as much thought.

Part of my job is to watch videos.

A lot of these videos are sexist, cater to rape culture and just plain offensive to my sensibilities. I am not shy about saying this, after all, just because I have to work with the material doesn't mean I have to like it.

One of my co-workers (we'll call her [The Heterosexist]) tried to convince me of the merit of the obnoxious humour that is found in these videos. I said, just because something is funny (and your mileage may vary rather widely!) doesn't make it inoffensive. Especially videos that are about how to "get a man" and tips of "how to kiss", all of which, as you can imagine, are sexist, cater to rape culture and are just plain offensive to my sensibilities.

The conversation evolved from talking about these "how to" guides for dating, to actual woes about dating. Two co-workers (including [The Heterosexist]) complained, as women who are socialising often do, about the dearth of men to date, how they didn't like strong women, how they didn't like older women, how they didn't like women who took initiative, etc.

I, jokingly, suggested that there was a remedy for this. That would be to not date men.

A different co-worker (we'll call her [Laid Back]) replied that the lesbian option was becoming more and more appealing. I said, one just needs to try hard enough *wink-wink nudge-nudge*

Now, because I work in an extremely liberal and casual office, because I work with a boss who has said the word "sexism" seriously, because I work on a majority woman team, because two of the three men with whom I work are gay; I felt safe enough to be casual and jokey about this aspect of my life, seeing as everyone else was being casual and jokey about that aspect of their lives as well.

Never fucking again.

[The Heterosexist], in light of what I said and how [Laid Back] replied, decided to share the fact that she knows she's not lesbian because when a woman hit on her she had to quit the class they studied in together.

Yes.

[The Heterosexist] went on to say that this woman treated her like she was her "boyfriend", went with her to the bus, took her to meet her friends. When a third co-worker (we'll call her [The Comedienne]) asked why she didn't just say she wasn't interested, [The Heterosexist] said this lesbian woman wouldn't take no for an answer, that she just kept hanging around her.

Considering she said she didn't know how to handle a woman hitting on her, I'm disinclined to believe her regarding how she interpreted the behaviour of this woman.

[The Comedienne] asked if she felt this woman was harassing her, [The Heterosexist] she wasn't sure, just that she was annoyed by her. [The Comedienne] said that would make a great comedy, about the lesbian who couldn't take a hint.

As you can imagine, I was feeling my blood boil and I ended up saying: "I think we have enough predatory gay stereotypes we have to deal with."

Call me Mel, the conversation killer.

The thing is, she clearly thought she was sharing a funny anecdote about Lesbians because the topic came up. Never mind that she has an ostensibly lesbian co-worker (me) and she was clearly uncomfortable with the implication that if she didn't date men she might be, god for-fucking-bid, considered one, because otherwise she'd be one of those pathetic women who were hung up on straight women who clearly would never ever ever want to date another woman.

I'm sure she thinks she has no problem with gay people. She's not bothered by it. Unless it's implied that this is something that can actually touch her.

Well, I shan't be so cavalier like I was today. I was stupid to think I could be.

And what burns the most is that one of my gay co-workers (let's call him [The Assimilationist]) said the whole situation was funny, that it would make great comedy.

Nice to see where his loyalties lie.
eumelia: (queer rage)
I wrote a post yesterday just before I headed out to the parade, but Officer Kalakaua ate it alas. I'm still getting used to this whole typing with my thumbs and not touching things by accident.

I also switched on the spell check, which happens to be the autocorrect, so my initial attempts at swearing were a bust. Truly, Officer, I really did mean to say "fuck" and not "fork".

Funny stuff. I may install a chat app just so Imcan screengrab things and send them to Damn You Autocorrect!

Any way, it was a successful march. I'd never taken any formal part in Pride, but the march in Jerusalem is of way more significance due to it's nature as a human rights march, as opposed to the pandering street party that the one in Tel-Aviv is. It's also far more significant due to it being a memorial of the shooting of the gay youth club three years ago, so you know, it's important.

I was very concerned about the police and the border patrol (the border police has more presence in spaces like these as opposed to the actual border), but my own paranoia was just that.

I stood with the security at the entrance to the assembly area and put bracelets on people to prove that they had been checked out by security, so that was annoying - also, the amount of Holocaust jokes were abound.

After standing around for two hours, I and the rest the ushers became the headers, basically making sure there were no people behind us except the police.

I forewent the post-march concerts and speeches, and along with a few other people went to celebrate [sexy!roommate]'s birthday on the grass a bit away from the the assembly.

Long, but rather good day, all in all.

I now have a t-shirt I can't wear ever again, due to it being an usher shirt, not because it was ruined. I also got burnt on the back of my neck.

Just call me Red Neck Mel.
eumelia: (get a job)
For fuck's sake.

I really, really wanted to post another "Meta on Commute" tonight.

But I'm not going to.

I arrived home from work at ten. I arrived at work this morning at half past nine.

I can barely see the screen in front of me. I am at that point where I can only make vague hand gestures and flop tiredly on flat (yet soft) surfaces.

The worst thing is that I will be working these hours tomorrow as well, because I'm taking a day off on Thursday. Christ, no one told me it was such hard work to have a holiday.

And it's not like I'm even taking a day off because I feel like having a long weekend. If only! I'd get a chance to write, something I'll have to sequester myself into my room on Friday and Saturday. Damn in, I need to get this story done, it is meant to be a gift!

Yeah, so my day off is going to be a nightmare one way or another. You see, I've decided to schlep my ass to Jerusalem (a city towards which my feelings are not wholly positive) in order to participate in the annual Pride/Memorial march. Not only am I participating, I'm going to be an usher there. I've never been an usher at any kind of political event in my life. Well, apparently this includes interacting with the police (a segment of the population that has never made me feel particularly safe, not as a woman and certainly not as a gay woman with political opinions that are considered wrong by many and dissident by others).

So yeah. Fun times.

At least I'll see friends, allies and have a place to crash, considering my sister and her family make their home in that city.
eumelia: (valerie)
Another well known white man whose sexuality has been a source of speculation and assumption for years finally confirmed the "rumours".

I am impressed, because the decision to be unambiguous is not an easy one, especially when the ethics involved may not be exactly what we assume them to be.

When I saw the news that Anderson Cooper had decided to brush off any remaining ambiguity regarding his sexuality, I mentioned it the office. My place of work likes to be up to date and we are a very gay friendly company, in fact the team I work with has the same amount of women as well as men, and three out of the team of eight are queer.

I mentioned it and one of my co-workers said, "about time". This co-worker happens to be straight.

Of course, then, a whole discussion about being when gay people are ready to tell other people, and celebrities who might be "uncomfortable" with their sexuality and a whole slew of other rather trite notions regarding when and why gay celebrities chose to come out.

I'd like to stay on the notion of "about time". This phrasing implies, quite explicitly, that Anderson Cooper should have been out and loud a long time ago. I hadn't really thought about that, despite the fact that if you worked in media, or followed the media, or followed the speculation regarding gay celebrities for whatever reason (me, I like knowing who my people are), you knew who is gay and who isn't, up to a point.

Anderson Cooper decided to be explicit about his sexuality because, as he wrote in his email to Andrew Sullivan:
[...]I’ve begun to consider whether the unintended outcomes of maintaining my privacy outweigh personal and professional principle. It’s become clear to me that by remaining silent on certain aspects of my personal life for so long, I have given some the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something - something that makes me uncomfortable, ashamed or even afraid. This is distressing because it is simply not true.[...]
Emphasis mine.

Related, when Quinto came out (and I wrote about it on DW and LJ), he made it a moral issue. Which, personally, is my stance on it as well. I make it my business to make sure the people I interact with know who they are talking to. The assumption that I am straight, simply because it doesn't occur to other people that there not everyone is straight (also known as heterosexism), is one that I am confronted in practically every facet of my life.

When Cooper says the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something, he is talking about a requirement mandated by straight society.

To be out is an ethical stand point. But it isn't something LGBT people actually owe straight society to do.

Emily Emanuel of Tiger Beatdown writes about exactly this in a post titled: People in Glass Closets: Anderson Cooper and Straight Responses to Coming Out.

Emanuel discusses the little micro-aggressions well meaning liberals choose to condescend onto queer people when it comes to public people coming out of the closet.

You should read her whole post, but the one thing that resonated with me in this post and every time another celebrity "Casually Come Out" (I don't totally agree with everything that's written here, but that's a post for another day) is this:
[..]when heterosexuals ask, “why does Anderson Cooper have to come out as gay,” I reply: “because you do not have to come out as heterosexual.”

Heterosexuals do announce their sexuality in public, all the time, of course. Walking down the street holding hands, kissing their lover, wearing wedding rings, clothing and other aesthetic codes. But it is not a movement from unacknowledged to public, it has no risk or social consequences in itself. In his coming out letter, Cooper notes that he didn’t come out because a reporter’s private life shouldn’t matter. Indeed. But part of the point is, being heterosexual isn’t private – it’s public.


When I was younger I lived on the ambiguity, it made me feel safe, I had the privilege of it and I didn't consider it something I needed to do in order to have integrity.

My tune changed as I was burned and my rage coalesced.

Regardless I am no longer ambiguous and that's a choice I made. The fact that I have to make that choice, that it is a staple in the life of LGBT people at all, tells us the demand that is placed on us by straight society and the assumptions that are forced onto us.

The other side of the coin is the demand from LGBT people for ambiguous or speculated celebrities to be upfront about who they are in the name of an agenda to promote LGBT visibility, rights and companies who want to shown as inclusive. A legitimate desire, I am dying for more LGBT representation in the mainstream media.

Still, the demand comes from a place to maintain a binary of making sure and deciding who is In and who is Out. Inside and outside what, I couldn't say.

I think it is a big deal that these celebrities are choosing to be unambiguous. I think we should also start unpacking why it is white men who have successful careers within the mainstream media that are getting the attention. Jodi Foster and Wanda Sykes notwithstanding, why so few celebrity women are coming out in the same manner and why the whole phenomena is so overwhelmingly white.

#2 Entry of the Queer Bundle.
eumelia: (compassion & kindness)
Title: Rainbows Have Nothing to Hide
Author: [personal profile] eumelia/[livejournal.com profile] eumelia
Pairing/Characters: Danny, Grace.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Pertains to a few lines from 2.18 (“Lekio”). Set after the episode and during Steve’s absence.
Word Count: 2,385
Warnings: N/A
Disclaimer: This is a work of transformative fiction, created for fun and pleasure. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: This is a fic written for [livejournal.com profile] queer_fest. Inspired by the prompt: “ Hawaii Five-0, Danny, Grace, Danny struggles with how to explain his bisexuality to Grace, or if it's even necessary since he's not dating a guy right now anyway”.
I’d like to give a big thank you to [livejournal.com profile] perspi, [livejournal.com profile] verasteine and [livejournal.com profile] tailoredshirt for the soundboarding and beta. Thanks for the spit and shine!
The title is from “The Rainbow Connection” as sung by Kermit the Frog , or Sarah McLachlan.
Summary: “How do you know when you’re in love?”

The hiss of the sizzling pan as he plops in the butter and the tell tale clink of the spoon against a mug are his favourite sounds in the morning )

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Eumelia

June 2015

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V and Justice

V: Ah, I was forgetting that we are not properly introduced. I do not have a name. You can call me V. Madam Justice...this is V. V... this is Madam Justice. hello, Madam Justice.

Justice: Good evening, V.

V: There. Now we know each other. Actually, I've been a fan of yours for quite some time. Oh, I know what you're thinking...

Justice: The poor boy has a crush on me...an adolescent fatuation.

V: I beg your pardon, Madam. It isn't like that at all. I've long admired you...albeit only from a distance. I used to stare at you from the streets below when I was a child. I'd say to my father, "Who is that lady?" And he'd say "That's Madam Justice." And I'd say "Isn't she pretty."

V: Please don't think it was merely physical. I know you're not that sort of girl. No, I loved you as a person. As an ideal.

Justice: What? V! For shame! You have betrayed me for some harlot, some vain and pouting hussy with painted lips and a knowing smile!

V: I, Madam? I beg to differ! It was your infidelity that drove me to her arms!

V: Ah-ha! That surprised you, didn't it? You thought I didn't know about your little fling. But I do. I know everything! Frankly, I wasn't surprised when I found out. You always did have an eye for a man in uniform.

Justice: Uniform? Why I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. It was always you, V. You were the only one...

V: Liar! Slut! Whore! Deny that you let him have his way with you, him with his armbands and jackboots!

V: Well? Cat got your tongue? I though as much.

V: Very well. So you stand revealed at last. you are no longer my justice. You are his justice now. You have bedded another.

Justice: Sob! Choke! Wh-who is she, V? What is her name?

V: Her name is Anarchy. And she has taught me more as a mistress than you ever did! She has taught me that justice is meaningless without freedom. She is honest. She makes no promises and breaks none. Unlike you, Jezebel. I used to wonder why you could never look me in the eye. Now I know. So good bye, dear lady. I would be saddened by our parting even now, save that you are no longer the woman I once loved.

*KABOOM!*

-"V for Vendetta"

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